Should consenting sexual relations be confined to marriage? If not, what limitations upon sexual activity are morally acceptable? Friendship and love are fundamental in life

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10/05/2007        Will Forbes        

Should consenting sexual relations be confined to marriage?  If not, what limitations upon sexual activity are morally acceptable?

Friendship and love are fundamental in life.  One way of showing real love is in the form of sexual activity, and that is why it is often referred to as the act of “making love.”  However, when sex is used as a means to an end, it may lead to disillusion and despair as it has expectations that it cannot satisfy.  Nowadays, we are being shown sex all the time, and it seems to be morally acceptable to have casual sex with anyone.  From the TV and media telling us about sordid tales, to popular sitcoms such as Friends and Sex and the City, having sex outside of wedlock is commonplace. For example, in a survey of 16-18 year olds, 84% of those asked thought that pre-marital sex was acceptable if the partners love each other, and 58% approved of recreational sex.  However, close friendships do not have to be physically expressed, and celibacy can enable an individual to love more widely and have a greater range of close and intimate friends which might otherwise be relinquished.  Indeed, families can tend toward preferential love rather than the Gospels’ notion of non-preferential love.

Catholicism, especially Thomists, disapprove of pre-marital sex for two main reasons.  Firstly, it is outside the bounds of wedlock and therefore wrong.  Secondly, young people tend to use contraception, which contravenes the Natural Law teaching of procreation.  Situation Ethics is also unhelpful, as it is difficult to say whether love in sexual intercourse and relationships can be considered along the lines of agapaic love, which is what Situation Ethics promotes.  Furthermore, the Bible does not offer much help either, as Jesus never condemns pre-marital sex, so it is difficult to know where one ought to look for guidance.  Sexuality is an essential part of human nature (despite Augustine and his followers thinking that procreation was unnecessary, as if humans became extinct, the Messiah would return).  Sex should be an intimate, deep and mysterious process, and it is not just about enjoying oneself, but also about bringing two people together in a closer, special relationship.  However, as sex is now so acceptable, people tend to abuse the special nature of intercourse, instead concentrating on maximising pleasure (i.e. the emergence of one-night stand cultures).  Vardy in The Puzzle of Sex thinks that “to trivialise sex is to demean ourselves and the other person,” and this is the problem with sexual intercourse in the modern world.  Nevertheless, is it too much to confine sex to marriage?

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Jesus called people to an exceptionally high level of personal responsibility for their own humanity and their willingness to be accountable to God for decisions made.  This does not outline a legalistic framework, in the same way that sexual intercourse has no set of rules merely confining it to marriage.  However, Augustine thought, “the sexual act perpetuates original sin.”  According to him, desire is dangerous (especially lust), and that even marital sex is bad, as we desire to possess someone else’s body.  However, in marriage, the husband and wife are unified.  If this is the case then a husband does ...

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