Story with language analysis. Katie helped Eduardo down the stairs. He was such an old bear that a lot of his stuffing had come out,
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hchainotredamecouk (student)
HOMEWORK – FINISH ANNOTATING AND IMPROVING THIS PIECE
Katie woke up with a start. [a]She looked across at the bed next to her but her older sister, Megan, was fast asleep; Katie didn’t want to turn the light on. [b]It might wake up Meg and her parents then; she sat up in bed and looked about the room. The dim passage light was always left on at night and because the bedroom door wasn’t closed, she could see quite well in the dark room.[c]
Suddenly something moved amongst the stuffed animals that were arranged on the bedroom chair like an army[d]. Katie looked harder. [e]She saw the old teddy bear; Eduardo, struggled down from the chair and limped cautiously [f]across the carpet. Katie was not really surprised to see him moving like Paddington bear because she had always thought that Eduardo was a special bear, and different from the other stuffed animals- unique in its kind.[g]
He always looked as if he understood everything she was saying to him when they played together since she was a toddler. The plush bear [h]had belonged to her father, and before that, to her grandmother as it has been passed down from one generation to the next. [i]Originally, he had been called "Eduardo"” but when her father was little, he found it hard to say “Edgardo”, so he called his teddy “Eduardo”[j]. As Katie liked that name and thought the name really suited him considering that he was a cuddly, affectionate and adorable teddy bear[k].
Katie leaned forward and whispered very quietly [l]to the bear, “Eduardo![m] Where are you going?” Eduardo stopped halfway drowsily to the bedroom door and followed her voice. “Katie – you should be asleep!” His voice was gentle and soft[n], thought Katie ponderously- just like a teddy bear’s voice should sound like.
“I was, but you woke me up. Can I go with you? Please?” Eduardo hesitated[o]. He didn’t really want to take the little girl with him, but neither did he want her to make a noise and wake the rest of the family. He sighed[p]. “Alright. ...
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Katie leaned forward and whispered very quietly [l]to the bear, “Eduardo![m] Where are you going?” Eduardo stopped halfway drowsily to the bedroom door and followed her voice. “Katie – you should be asleep!” His voice was gentle and soft[n], thought Katie ponderously- just like a teddy bear’s voice should sound like.
“I was, but you woke me up. Can I go with you? Please?” Eduardo hesitated[o]. He didn’t really want to take the little girl with him, but neither did he want her to make a noise and wake the rest of the family. He sighed[p]. “Alright. But you must be good and do as I tell you.”
Katie scrambled eagerly from her bed and put on her warm pink dressing gown over her pyjamas and furry slippers on her feet[q]. She followed Eduardo out of the room. He shuffled along the passage carefully, and she copied him, walking as quietly as she could[r]. They didn’t want to wake up Rocky, the little dog who slept in a basket in their parents’ room. He would bark and then everyone would wake up.
Katie helped Eduardo down the stairs. He was such an old bear that a lot of his stuffing had come out, and his right paw was floppy and empty[s]. He limped, too, because one of his legs was much thinner than the other leg. Eduardo held tightly to Katie’s hand with his good paw. When they reached the front door, the little girl lifted Eduardo up in her arms and held him up as high as she could so that he could unlock the door and open it. It took him a little while, as he only had one good paw to use, but with Katie’s help, he managed to do it. Together they slipped out of the door, and carefully pushed it closed.
“Thank you, Katie”, growled[t] Eduardo quietly,[u] “I don’t think I could have done it without your help.” He was glad now that he had let the little girl come with him.
The moon was very bright up in a clear sky[v]. The two small adventurers [w]had no problem in seeing where they were going. Eduardo led Katie out of the garden gate, across the road and into the quiet meadow opposite the house[x]. There was a small wood further ahead, and Katie and Eduardo set out towards it. Soon they could see pretty, coloured lights twinkling in the trees, and hear voices[y]. Katie thought she could also hear music and singing. Holding tightly to Eduardo’s soft paw, she was bursting with curiosity and excitement.
The two came out of the trees into a small clearing. Katie blinked as her eyes got used to the bright lights strung up in the trees.[z] Still clinging to the old bear’s paw, she looked about her – and gasped. The clearing was full of teddy bears. Bears of all shapes and sizes. Some were playing in a band, and singing. Others were dancing to the music and there were bears just sitting on the grass and talking to each other. One of these bears, an big old Panda with a red scarf round his neck saw Katie and Eduardo, and got up as the two approached. He was even taller than Katie. The old Panda smiled down at Katie. She liked his twinkly brown eyes and smiled back. [aa]The Panda turned to Eduardo and took hold of Eduardo’s empty paw with his own paws. “Eduardo my dear, dear [ab]old friend. You are most welcome. So are you, young Katie. We are very pleased to meet you. Eduardo has often talked about you.”[ac]
Katie wondered how he knew her name. The old Panda took them to sit with the other bears, and they all shook Eduardo’s paw. Some of them even hugged him. They all knew Katie’s name and told her how glad they were to meet her. A little brown bear approached, carrying a tray of sausage rolls, nuts and other tasty snacks. [ad]Another small bear staggered up carrying a tray with drinks of all different flavours and colours. Shyly, [ae]Katie took a sausage roll and little glass of lemonade. Soon she was laughing and chatting with the other bears. A handsome grey and pink teddy bear, wearing a black striped waistcoat[af], came up to her and politely asked her to dance. They twirled and whirled[ag] to the music until Katie was laughing and breathless. Eduardo smiled happily at her when she sat down, pleased that she was enjoying herself…
Image result for Tumblr Girls and Teddy Bears
[a]Sentence structure/ short dramatic sentence
[b]listing
[c]imagery of light
[d]simile
[e]short sentence
[f]description supported by action verbs and adverbs
[g]list of three
[h]adjective
[i]detail
[j]Anecdote – short personal account to back up point
[k]a list of three
[l]adjective
[m]punctuation
[n]powerful vocab
[o]synonyms of said
[p]sentence structure
[q]lots of powerful adjectives
[r]listing
[s]Adjectives
[t]Good onomatopoeia
[u]Adverb
[v]imagery
[w]another phrase with ‘Eduardo and Katie’
[x]technique of listing – rule of three
[y]listing
[z]imagery
[aa]detailed description with a range of sentence types
[ab]repetition
[ac]Use of direct speech
[ad]another technique of listing
[ae]sentence opener
[af]descriptive phrase
[ag]Imagery created through pun