“Hey there,” I said, as I walked towards him, “I’m Sara.” I introduced myself confidently.
“Nice to meet you,” he replied grinning. I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic, or serious. “I’m Jonathan,” He collected his books and we made out way to the canteen for lunch.
We got on well and we learnt a lot about each other. He told me he had moved to the neighbourhood as a result of his parent’s recent devoice. He seemed upset about the situation, although he managed to keep it at the back of his mind and enjoyed himself.
There was something about Jonathan’s charm, which made him different from all the other boys I had ever known.
We began to spend more and more time together. Our relationship grew stronger and he began to trust me and tell me more about his personal life. He confided in me a great deal. We began to develop a more personal relationship. He always made me laugh and made my life more interesting. He knew when to be serious when necessary and made me feel good about my self.
I spoke to Emma about Jonathan every night. She was so understanding and patient. At times I felt I was boring her, due to how much I went on about him, yet she always seemed interested and enthusiastic. I was very grateful to her. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.
I began to meet Jonathan before school. The more time I spent with him, the more I was falling in love with him. I had never felt this way about any one before. Every time I thought of him my heart raced and I could feel my face heat up. I was floating on cloud nine.
Jonathan was now part of my life. I longed to tell him of my desires for him to be mine.
Jonathan was now part of my life. I longed to tell him he desire for him to be mine. A number of times I wanted to tell him, but the words seemed to get stuck in my throat; I became paralysed and unable to say a word. Furthermore, Emma had been prompting me to tell him about my feelings. She was convinced that I was wasting y time and if I didn’t get my act together, someone would snatch him away from me. The thought of it made me shiver. I wasn’t prepared to let my dream fall apart, yet at the same time I was afraid my chances would be ruined if I approached him with my secret, which lay concealed from him in my heart.
I woke up one day determined to tell Jonathan the truth about how I felt about him. I stood in front of the mirror telling myself I had to do it no matter what. ‘Today is the day,’ I told myself. ‘Today is the moment of truth,’ I left home feeling nervous. My stomach began to tingle. I began to doubt myself and the chances I had with having Jonathan.
My thoughts had switched to Emma. She had recently broken off her relationship with David, the result of a violent attack after he got drunk one evening. Emma really needed me. I felt selfish. She was emotionally unwell due to her unfortunate circumstances.
I caught sight of Jonathan near the school gates. All I could think about was him. I felt a force within me telling me that I had the perfect opportunity to tell him my feelings, my darkest and deepest secrets; I was prepared to tell him every thing!
The time had come. The moment I had been practicing in front of the mirror every day for months. The time had come!
“Jonathan,” I said in a low voice as we made our way towards our lockers. “There’s something I need to tell you”. I could feel my voice fading. We stopped walking and faced each other. My heart began pump, like it had never pumped before. I felt lost, I felt trapped. The volume of our surroundings increased as if some one had put up the volume. I felt lost in the loudness of the other students, I felt trapped.
“Yes?” he replied smiling, looking a little embarrassed. For a split second I felt that he knew what I was going to say. I sensed he felt what I felt. My confidence began to boost.
“Ever since we first met,” I began after cleaning my thought, “I’ve always treasured you as a special person,” I said slowly. I felt suffocated.
“Like wise” he commented naturally. My heart missed a beat. I couldn’t help smiling continuously.
“I love you Jonathan” I said confidently. I took a deep breath. I had finally done it; I was so pleased with myself. I couldn’t help but smile wider, my teeth were now bare. Jonathan chuckled. ‘Wow,’ I thought, he must really be embarrassed. This is a good sign.
“Sorry Sara, but I think you miss understood me. I like you as a friend only. I feel the way you feel towards me for Emma, your best friend. She’s the one I’m going out with. If only you said earlier ….. Your best friend, I thought you knew.”
He walked into the class as the bell rang without a backward glance. I froze my body failed to respond. My eyes began to water. I couldn’t move a muscle. I stood rooted to the spot, holding my books hard against me in the empty corridor. The shame and utter humiliation I felt was unimaginable, so...unreal. I couldn’t believe my luck. I couldn’t believe what Jonathan had just told me. Emma my best friend in the world - used me and betrayed me!
‘She’s the only one I’m going out with’. These words echoed on my head. I couldn’t believe it! I was feeling sorry for her! I told her everything about Jonathan. She used me! She used me to find out every thing about him! What a fool I had been! I couldn’t forgive myself I wouldn’t forgive myself till this wrong was corrected!
I spent the day at home crying. The tears were unstoppable. They flowed like a fountain with great force and emotion. I felt worthless. I felt betrayed. Life was completely useless. I had lost the two most important people in my life – my best friend and beloved. Gone! Never to return! My hatred towards them grew. It multiplied by the minute. I wouldn’t allow them to use me like they did! They had to pay! Yes, they had to pay! I imagined all the ways I could hurt them. I had to hurt them like they had hurt me.
I made my way to the bathroom to wash my face. I had to get my act together. I had to make them suffer. It was eleven in the evening. It was completely dark out side. I made my way towards Emma’s house (not far from my own). I knocked on the front door. I whispered a prayer under my breath, hoping she would answer the door. The door opened. My prayers had been answered I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Sara?” Emma looked puzzled.
“Emma, my, my (sigh), I never did get to tell u how much you meant to me did I? I never was able to show you. Well guess what ‘honey’ (said in the superior voice Emma usually adopted)” I said mimicking her. “Its payday,” I said in an evil tone. Her eyes widened as the blade shone in here eyes, as I clutched the knife my arm raised ….. “Noooo – Sara - wait!” She panicked. But it was no use. It was too late. She was finished. Half an hour later Jonathan was gone too. They were both gone never to hurt me again. I felt this force within me giving me power and confidence in my actions.
I felt I had achieved something. I taught them a lesson. Now they could never hurt me or anyone ever again. Life felt good. Life was now so fair. Justice had been served.
I made my way home feeling satisfied. As I entered my house I sighed, toying with the thought of going out with David. I shook my head.
The feeling of guilt had overshadowed me ‘what had I done…’ ‘NO!’ I said to myself, ‘if you can’t have Jonathan, then no one can!’- A voice reassured me. I put down the keys on the kitchen table and played the answer machine whilst I took my off coat and trainers….
“BLEEP, Hey Sara, How’s it going? April fools pretty face. Man you should have seen your face! It was a classic! Amazing!” the voice chuckles uncontrollably “listen may be we could meet up tomorrow for lunch? I love you Sara, more than ever, I want you to know that and I hope every thing is going well. Wow boy did you get fooled! I’ll see you tomorrow, can’t wait; lots off hugs and kisses. Love Jonathan, Bye”.
My jaw dropped. My muscles stiffened. I dropped my coat and shrieked. I couldn’t believe it. I killed my crush! I killed my best friend, Emma! I had been fooled!
‘THUD, THUD, THUD’, Sara woke up finding herself on the kitchen lying on the kitchen floor clutching an empty bottle of brandy, half of which was spilt on the newly tiled floor. Her back was aching. She felt confused as to why she was sleeping on the cold kitchen floor in a pool of brandy. She shook her head. ‘THUD, THUD, THUD’ someone was knocking on the front door. Sara made her way down the corridor towards the door to open it. Still clutching the empty bottle in her left hand and smelling strongly of alcohol. When she opened the door she had to squint as the sun shone on her face; illuminating the dark corridor.
“I’m Constable Davis” a deep voice said. “I’m here to inquire about the recent deaths of Emma Parsons and Jonathan Cohen. We’d like to ask you some questions,” Sara dropped the empty bottle which shattered into a million pieces.
Sara couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She stopped squinting. Her eyes grew to the size of saucers. She was wide awake.
Her best friend was dead. Her first true love was dead. It sounded like a bad dream. She would soon be waking up in her nice comfy bed. This is all just a bad dream!
As the wind whistled in my ear as I sat on the windowsill. Tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe what I was told. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it. My heart felt like an iron weight; it felt like it had sunk down beside my stomach. So much information in so little time; my brain was overflowing. The pressure was high, yet my hopes were low. Life felt worthless. My sheer existence felt meaningless, as though someone had drilled a giant hole in it. Were Jonathan and Emma finally dusted? It killed me to imagine it, let alone think of it. They were taken away from me mercilessly. He meant the world to me. Emma, the best friend I could ever ask for left me. The news wouldn’t sink in. I stared out the window of the mental hospital. I’m confused, I’m lost. I didn’t know what was going on. I continued to cry as I tried to make sense of what was happening to me.
Schizophrenia is a severe mental disorder developed in one out of a hundred people in the world. It is the development of two or more personalities in one body. People with Schizophrenia often suffer terrifying symptoms such as hearing internal, voices not heard by others, or believing that other people are reading there minds, controlling there thoughts, or plotting to kill them. It is a result of shock, depression, long term isolation, or hardship during one’s life. A personality is created usually attempting to help ease the pain one is going through.
Long term treatment is available for this disorder, but is rarely successfully treated. Schizophrenia is a disorder affecting many people today around us. It is difficult to recognise and often diagnosed after permanent damage had been caused (e.g. murder).
