'The best holiday I ever had'

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‘The best holiday I ever had’

    The best holiday I ever had was when I went to Florida with my family.

When my Dad told me I was very excited because it was going to be my first time in the ‘sun shine state of America’. I asked my dad when where we going and he said ‘we are going on the 26TH  July and coming home on the9th August’ but the bad thing was I had to wait two months to go.

    Time flew by and the next thing I knew I was packing my suitcase, I packed in lots of t-shirts and shorts. My mum packed in lots of bottles of sun cream because she is the one who goes on and on saying ‘be careful in the sun’.

    After all the bags were packed into the boot we all were on our way to fourteen days of sunshine.

When we got to the airport we left our luggage with the airport staff to put it on to the plane.

A message came up on the T.V screen saying that our flight had been delayed for 8 hours. After we knew about the delay we had spare time to fill our tummies because they were rumbling.

    After 7 hours a message said ‘could passengers going to Orlando Florida make their way to gate 17’ everyone cheered and we all made our way to the plane.

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It took 10 hours to get to Orlando but it was well worth it.

When we arrived it was 4.00am in the morning and the hard part was to find our hotel, and on our way we got lost in a place called ‘Boggy Creek’ and my family blamed it on my Dad because he was driving.  Eventually we reached our hotel, with a bit of a struggle, at 5.30am.  When we got to our room we put our bags to one side of the room and flopped our tired bodies on the beds.

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This is a well-told story, with an appropriate, sometimes slightly informal, light tone. The language is mostly quite simple and sentence construction is sufficiently varied. Punctuation is quite frequently faulty and paragraph construction is loose, with too many short paragraphs. 4 stars