"So, what's up with you and Jason?" I asked Emily once we were back at her house and up in her room getting ready for bed.
"I should be asking you the same thing about you and my brother! You were all over each other the ENTIRE night!"
"Not true!"
"Yes you were!"
"So what if we were?"
"He's ten years older than you Nikki!"
"So? We were just dancing and having fun!"
"It looked like more than that too me."
"Well, it wasn't!"
"My brother likes you Nikki," She said, using the nickname only my good friends got away with calling me. "And I think you like him too."
"Yeah, he's my friend!"
"No, it's something more than that."
"You've flipped Em! You've been around your brother TOO LONG, his insanity is wearing off on you."
"Fine, whatever, let's go downstairs, the guys want us to stay down there with them."
"Ok," I told her. We went downstairs and into the T.V. room, where Jason and Chris had already brought in blankets and pillows.
"So, now what?" I asked.
"More movies!" Jason answered.
"What ones?"
"Ummm....Armageddon and Scream 1 and 2."
"Oh, cool, I LOVE those movies!"
"Hey, Nikki, come sit with me!" Chris said from the couch.
"Sure," I said, plopping down next to him. He put his arm around me and I leaned into his shoulder, thinking about what Emily had said. Was it possible I was falling for her brother? And more important, what did he think of me? About halfway through the third movie, I began to get tired. Chris moved so that he was leaning into the corner of the couch, his legs diagonal in front of him, still on the floor. Then he laid me down so that I was using his legs and hip as a pillow, then he covered both of us up with a blanket, and that was how we fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning to the sun hitting my eyes and someone playing with my hair.
"What time is it?" I asked Chris, rubbing my eyes.
"Eight."
"In the MORNING? That's too early to be awake."
"Then go back to sleep."
"Ok, just hand me a pillow."
"Why?"
"So I can lay on the floor rather than use you as a pillow and make you uncomfortable."
"Don't worry about it, I'm fine, I've never been more comfortable in my life. Besides, there's no more room on the floor." I looked down and saw Jason and Emily sprawled out on the floor, there was no space available for me to lay down.
"I guess you're right. You sure you aren't uncomfortable?"
"Positive, now go back to sleep" He placed his arm around me and I closed my eyes, drifting back to sleep.
When I woke up again, Chris was gone and a pillow was in his place. I looked at my watch and noticed it was ten-thirty. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, looking around the room.
"Morning sleepyhead, about time you woke up."
"Hey Jason," I yawned. "I didn't mean to sleep so late. I must've been more tired than I thought. I also must've been completely dead for Chris to have been able to move me and get up without waking me up!"
"You were pretty out of it. Chris didn't want to leave, he said he was comfortable, plus he didn't want to wake you, but Joey called and need some help with Susan's album."
"Oh, ok where's Em?"
"I'm right here, and you and I are gonna have a talk." She said, walking into the room. She came over and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me upstairs. When we got to her room, she pushed me over to the bed and closed the door behind her.
"I want to know what's up with you and Chris, and I want to know NOW!"
"What do you mean?"
"You just slept with him on the couch all night!"
" Yeah, like you slept with Jason on the floor."
"On opposite sides of the room! You were using his lap as a pillow!"
"Hey Em, you up here?" Chris was home and he bounded up the stair, interupting our conversation.
"Yes Chris, what do you want?"
"You girls come on down, we're gonna swim."
"Fine, we'll be down in a few minutes." She told him before turning back to me. "We WILL finish this conversation!"
Emily and I put on our swimsuits, and went downstairs and out to the pool. Chris and Jason were already out there, and so were Joey and Susan.
"Hey Susan! How's the album coming?"
"Pretty good! I am SO excited, and even more nervous."
"Don't be! You have such a GORGEOUS voice!"
"Thanks."
"Are you gonna just stand there, or are you gonna swim?" Chris asked me, climbing out of the pool.
"Stand here!"
"Yeah, I thought you'd say that. Not if I have anything to do with it." He picked me up and walked over to the edge of the pool.
"Chris, DON'T!" I said, hitting him.
"One..."
"Chris!"
"Two..."
"Please no!"
"THREE!" He threw me into the pool with a splash. I felt a sharp pain go through my head, and then everything went black.
When I came to, I was in an unfamiliar room. It was bright white, and a light was shining down on me. I was confused for a few minutes.
"She's waking up!" I heard a voice exclaim happliy.
"Emily? Chris? Where are you? Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital." Emily said, walking over to the bed.
"Wh...Why"
"When I threw you in the pool, you hit your head." Chris told me. "You came back up to the surface, face down. At first we thought you were joking, but then you stayed that way and you wouldn't wake up. We had to call the ambulance. I was so scared! I'm sorry, I am SO sorry." He came over to the bed and grabbed ahold of my hand. His grip was so tight it hurt, I wasn't sure he'd ever let go, but I couldn't bring myself to take my hand away. When I looked at his face, I could see the tears in his eyes.
"It's ok, it wasn't your fault, you didn't mean it."
"But I could have hurt you so badly, I...I could have...have KILLED you."
"Chris calm down, I'm ok now, see? You didn't hurt me, well not to baddly. I'll be fine."
"I know, I just don't want to leave your side until I know that for sure. I know I will NEVER push or throw you in that pool again. I don't think I could live with myself if I ever hurt you."
The doctors said I had a mild concussion, and they didn't want me to go home quite yet, I had to stay over night. Chris stayed in my room with me the entire time. Through out the night as I would wake up, I looked over to where he was sitting and start to think. Why was he doing this? Did he really feel that guilty about what had happened that he was willing to sit in a hard plastic chair all night? Or was Emily right?
When I woke up the next morning, Chris was still there. He was sitting next to my be, rubbing my hand.
"Hey," he said. "The doctor is gonna let you go home."
"Really? I should call my parents then, so they can come get me."
"Emily and I already talked to them. They said it's ok for you to come home with us."
"What?"
"Well, at first, they wanted you home, but I told them I would take care of you and that it would make me feel better if you were with me, where I could see you and be sure that I hadn't hurt you."
"So, you already to go home?" The doctor asked, walking in.
"Yeah, I hate hospitals, get me outta here!"
"Whoa, slow down. First of all, you're gonna have a bad headache for awhile, here's a prescription for some pain killer. Seond, I want you in bed for a week! You need rest so you can recuperate. And finally, this one is for you," he said turning to Chris. "If she get's dizzy, starts acting out of the ordinary, being disoriented, or vomitting, I want you to bring her back here, IMMEDIATELY."
"I will, I don't want to see anything happen to her."
"Well, then you head out to the reception and sign her discharge papers, while she gets herself dressed.
"Ok, i'll be right back and we'll get you home." Chris told me, hurrying out of the room.
"You sure are lucky to have a boyfriend like that." The doctor told me. "He sure does care about you. I can tell."
"Who, Chris? Oh, he's just a freind, my best friend's brother actually. He just thinks of me as a sister, that's all."
"Oh really now? If you say so, I'll take your word for it." The doctor left then, and I went over to put on my jean shorts and shirt that were laying on the chair. A few minutes after I was finished getting dressed, Chris and an orderly with a wheelchair came in to tell me I was free to go. When we got down to his car, Chris helped me in carefully and then went around and got in the drivers side. I wondered where Emily was, but I didn't say anything. The entire drive back to his house he went as slow as he possibly could, but I still winced in pain at every bump. After a fifteen minute drive of pure pain, we pulled into the driveway and before I even had my seat belt unbuckled Chris was over on my side, and helping me out.
"I'm a big girl now Chirs, I can take care of myself!"
"I know, but I'm worried about you." He took my arm and lead me to the door. When we got inside there were balloons and streamers everywhere, plus a sign that said 'Welcome Back'. Everyone was there, Jack and Jane, David and Amber, Joey and Susan, Jason, and, of course, Emily. Susan ran over to me and gave me a hug as soon as she saw me walk through the door.
"I was so worried about you. I have never been so scared in my life!" I remembered that Susan and Joey had been there the day before when it happened, so I hugged her a little tighter to reassure her that I was ok.
"Are you all right?" Amber asked me. I wasn't really, my head was killing me, but when I saw Chris looking at me intensely I lied.
"Yeah, I'm ok."
Nobody stayed very long, Chris wouldn't let them. He told them about my orders to stay in bed and they all left. Once they were gone and I was in bed, I started thinking about what had happened, and about what COULD have happened to me, and it scared me. I began to cry uncontrolably.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Chris asked worriedly, walking into my room and finding me sobbing. I couldn't answer him. "Please tell me what's wrong sweetheart, please."
I could only shake my head as he walked over to the bed and hugged me. I couldn't explain it, but for some reason, having his strong arms around me made me feel better. I was still scared, but I was able to calm down a bit.
"Hold me, just please hold me and don't let go." I managed to choke out.
I cried into Chris' shoulder for about 20 minutes before he finally calmed me down enough that I could talk.
"What's wrong? Why were you crying, are you all right?"
"I just got to thinking about my accident, and what could have happened. I could've been paralyzed or I could've drowned. If you guys hadn't been there..."
"It never would have happened. This is all my fault for throwing you in that damn pool. I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault Chris! We were joking around. It wasn't the first time you'd thrown me into the pool, you couldn't have know what would happen."
"It just keeps running through my mind though. Did I throw you too hard? Did I look before I tossed you in? When we saw you so helpless, it was a scary feeling."
"What did happen anyway? I kinda don't remember."
"After I threw you in, you didn't come up right away, and when you did, you were face down. We thought you were just joking, but then you stayed like that. When we realized something was wrong, Joey and me turned you over and got your face out of the water. We tried waking you up, but we couldn't, that's when I got really scared. I screamed at Em to go call 999. We were afraid you might have done something to your neck or back, and we were afraid to try and get you out of the pool. Joey and I stood there, supporting your neck and head, and keeping your face up from the water until the ambulance came, when they got there, they told us we did the right thing not trying to move you around. We were still trying to wake you up, but you just wouldn't come to. After they got you on the stretcher and took you away, we all got dressed in record time and came to the hospital to be with you."
"I'm sorry I scared you like that."
"It wasn't your fault. You need to rest now, like the doctor said."
"Stay with me until I fall asleep."
"Why?"
"I just don't want to be alone right now."
"Oh, ok." He put his arms around me and lay down on the bed so that I was using his shoulder to lay on. He stared singing softly in my ear and before I knew it,I had fallen asleep.
WHAT is going on in here?"
I sat strait up,woken up of my sleep by a loud voice. The sudden motion caused a sharp pain to go through my head.
"OW."
"Good going Em. Scare the hell out of her and make her hurt herself again." Chris scolded his sister.
"I don't care. I want to know what is going on between the two of you, and I want to know NOW!"
"Emily, there's nothing going on between me and your brother!" I told her. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"Then WHY are you sleeping together?"
"We aren't Em. I was upset, and he sat here with me until I fell asleep."
"Yeah, right, sure."
"Come on Emily, I'm telling the truth."
"What about the other night at the club when you were all over each other, and then slept on the sofa together all night?"
"You wanna talk about being all over someone, what about you and Jason. I saw you Emmy, you were all over him
There's a difference between dancing with someone two years older than you, and sharing a bed with someone TEN years older than you!"
"Emily, calm down." Chris told her. "She needed someone to help her fall asleep, just like she told you."
"You both are so BLIND! You're falling for each other. Why can't you see that? Everyone else has noticed it, but you are both to stubborn to admit it."
"Em, I don't feel good enough to argue with you about this, so let's just drop it, please?" I begged her.
"No."
"Emily, your brother doesn't like me, and I don't like him. Not in that way at least. Our relationship is a friendship or a brother-sister type thing. That's all. It's always been that way, and it always will. Now please, let me rest." I rolled over on the bed to go to sleep, but not before I saw the confused and hurt look on Chris' face.
I tried to get to sleep, so maybe my head would stop hurting, but I couldn't. The look on Chris' face just kept haunting me. Why had he looked like that? We WERE just friends...weren't we?
I was so confused. I didn't know how I felt about Chris, let alone what HE felt about ME. Sure he was attractive, and I wouldn't mind it going beyond friendship, but surely that wasn't what he wanted, was it? The longer I laid there, trying to figure it out, the more confused I got. There were so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. I wished there was someway I could figure it out.
Finally, I gave up trying to sleep, and just went downstairs to watc TV. When I got to the front room, Emily was nowhere in sight, but Chris was sitting on the sofa watching MTV.
"Why aren't you in bed?"
"Couldn't sleep, so I gave up."
"Come over here with me, please." He said, opening up his arms to me. I went over and sat down next to him. He put his arms around me, so I put my feet up on the sofa and cuddled up into his chest. It felt so good and so right to be in his arms.
'I shouldn't be sitting here like this,' I thought to myself. 'I'm only confusing myself more.'
Chris started to play with my hair with one hand, and rubbing the other up and down my back. He did that for a few minutes before I felt his chest rise and fall in a sigh, and he kissed the top of my head.
"Nikki, we need to talk."
"What do you want to talk about Chris?"
"About what happened earlier and about what you said."
I tried to sit up so that I could look at him when we talked, but he held on to me with a tight grip.
"Yeah? What about it?"
"Did you mean what you said? About us just being friends and that not changing?"
"I...I don't know, why?"
"Because...well,...because, I don't WANT to just be friends. I like you Nikki, I don't mean just as a friend."
I just sat there in shock. I couldn't beleave I had just heard that. Emily had been right, her brother HAD been falling for me. When I stopped to think about it, I had been falling for him too. When had THAT happened? I couldn't pinpoint any exact time, but it had been happening gradualy. I had gone from thinking of him as a big brother/freind, to thinking of him as more.
"Are you going to say anything Nikkii?"
"I don't know WHAT to say."
"You could start by telling me if you fel the same way."
"I do. I don't know when it started, but I see you as more than a friend." After I admitted to feeling the same way, he turned me so I was facing him. He leaned down and kissed me slowly and passionatly. At first I was too shocked to do anything, then I wrapped my arms around him and began kissing him back. Unfortuantly it didn't last long before we were interupted.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh...."
Chris and I tore apart and looked up to see Emily standing in the doorway. She had a shocked look on her face as she began to slowly back up.
"I...I'm sorry. I, didn't mean to interupt." She said to us as she took off.
"Emily...wait." I said, getting up to go after her, but Chris pulled me back down.
"Let her go."
"Chris, we can't, we need to talk to her."
"Why?"
"Think of it Chris, she just walked in on her best friend and her older brother making out. She's probably in shock, and VERY embarrassed. It probably wasn't something she expected to interupt. I need to go find her and talk to her."
"Fine, go talk to her." Chris sighed as he let go of me.
"Thank you baby," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Then I ran upstairs into Emily's room.
"Emily?" I said cautiously as I opened the door. She was laying across her bed and she looked up at me as I came in the room.
"Can we talk?"
"About what? You and my brother lying to me?"
"We never lied to you!"
"You told me there was nothing going on between the two of you and that you were 'just friends'. You don't make out with someone that you are just friends with!"
"We never lied to you Em, we WERE just friends. But then we had a talk and decided that we both wanted more than that. It wasn't something we planned on, it just kind of happened. We were both falling for each other, but didn't realize it. Plus we didn't know how the other one felt either. Then we talked it out, that's about the time you walked in."
"Are you SURE you know what you're getting into? He's ten years older than you!"
"I know, and that's something we'll deal with. I don't care, and neither does he. But I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about us, this isn't gonna freak you out having me date your brother is it? Because our friendship is important to me!"
"To be honest, it IS gonna freak me a little, but if you two are happy with each other, then I guess I'll learn to deal with it."
"So is everything ok with us now? This isn't gonna ruin our friendship?"
"Yeah, it's all good."
"Ok then Lil' Sis, let's go back downstairs, 'kay?"
"Ok."
"Hey Nikki?"
I looked up from my books to see Emily standing in the door to my room. Chris and I had officially been together as a couple for three months, and I had moved into the spare room in there house
"Yeah?"
"Everyone's going out clubbin' tonight, wanna come?"
"I don't think so Em, not tonight."
"You're giving up the chance to go out? What's wrong?"
"I just don't feel too good."
"Still?"
"Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me. I've just been so run down lately."
"Maybe you need to go to the doctor."
"Nah, I'll be fine, it'll pass soon."
"I dunno, I'm worried about you Nikki I'm sure my brother probably is too."
"You brother is probably what too?" Chris asked, walking up behind Emily.
"Worried about her. She's still sick."
"STILL? Baby, you've been sick for two weeks now, you need to find out what's going on."
"I've just been running myself too much,it's nothing to get all worked up over."
"I can't help it, I worry about you. You've been sick so long and It's starting to scare me. It's not normal. Please go to the doctor and find out what's causing this."
"If it keeps up much longer, I'll go, I promise. But you're gonna have to learn not to worry so much. What are you gonna do when you leave again?"
"Good! And I want you at the doctor finding out what's wrong before i leave!"
There was one more week until the team left, and I still was sick. I was tired all the time, and was begining to feel nauseated. Chris was worried about me, but I kept putting off a doctors visit.
"Are you STILL sick?" Chris asked, walking into my room, where I was curled up in a ball on my bed.
"Yes," I managed to moan weakly.
"Why do you insist on mot going to see the dcotor?"
"Because I'm fine, it will pass, I just need some rest. I'll stay in bed and sleep a few more days, and all will be good!"
"That's what you said a week ago, and now look at you, you're getting worse. You can't even stand to drag yourself out of bed." He waked over and sat down on the bed next to me, brushing my hair out of my face. "Baby, you're sick, you need to go to the doctor. Im leaving in a week, I won't be able to go if you're sick, and I won't be able to stand leaving you here, not knowing what's wrong. Please go find out what's wrong. For me, baby?"
"Fine, I'll go see the doctor, but only because you look so damn pathetic with that puppy dog look. I'll go tomorrow morning."
"Thank you" Chris laid down next to me, and rubbed my back, trying to get me to go to sleep
"Stop moving me around before I throw up on you."
"Are you THAT sick that just me rubbing your back makes you quesy? You must be sicker than I thought, you normally LOVE having your back rubbed. Are you sure you're ok?"
"I'm fine, I told you I'll go to the doctor tomorrow, and I will, just drop it."
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed and put on some clothes so that I could go to the doctor. I was trying to walk down the stairs when I started feeling a little dizzy and nearly fell head over heels to the bottom. Luckily Chris was coming up to see if I was ready and grabbed me before I could lose my balance.
"What the hell just almost happened?"
"I guess I'm still a little weak. I almost fell."
"That's it, we are leaving RIGHT now for the doctor. I don't need you passing out on me and falling down the stairs, we are going to find out what's wrong and we are going to find out NOW!" He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way down the stairs and straight out to the car. He straped me in and drove the normally half hour drive to the doctor in about fifteen to twenty minutes. When we got there, he wouldn't even allow me to walk in by myself, he picked me up and carried me to the waiting room, where he sat me on chair and went to tell the receptionist why we were there.
"It's going to be about thrity minutes before you can get in" I just nodded weakly and when Chris sat down next to me, I leaned against him and nearly fell back asleep. It seemed like forever before my name was called. When it was my turn to go in, I refused to let Chris come back with me. I went to the examining room and waited for the doctor. After about ten minutes a friendly looking young woman came in and introduced herself as Dr. Jameson. I told her what had been wrong. She ran about a million test on me and 45 minutes later, came in and gave me the diagnosis. I just nodded silently and went back out to the waiting room where Chris was sitting nervously.
"That took forever," he said, jumping up and running over to me. "Well, what did the doctor say?"
I'm pregnant."
"You're WHAT?!?" He asked, falling back down into the chair.
"Pregnant. About a two and a half months along."
"Oh boy, this is not going to be good. This is going to be big time news. Now what do we do? I can't be a father! You can't have a baby."
"I won't have an abortion Chris! I refuse. It goes against everything I beleave."
"Oh, baby, I never wanted you to have one. I didn't mean to make you think I did. I'm sorry." Chris stood up and took me in his arms, holding me tightly. "We'll get through this, together. I promise you that. I'm not going to make you go through it alone."
"Thank you, I needed to hear that."
"We better get home, we're gonna have to tell everyone about this."
"I can't! I can't face them. They're all going to hate me. They'll think I did this on purpose, or say I'm going to ruin your career or something else like that."
"Don't say that. They all love you babe, they wouldn't make you feel bad like that. They'll be happy for us. Now come on." Chris lead me out to the car, I leaned on him the entire way out. I was still in such shock. I couldn't beleave everything that was happening to me. I got in the car and almost forgot to put on my seat belt until Chris reminded me.
"Nuh-uh, no way. This car ain't moving until that seat belt is around you. I don't want anything happening to you OR our precious baby. You're gonna have to start being EXTRA careful now, you have precious cargo on board."
I laughed at how sentimental he was being, but obediantly put on my seat belt, he was right, I had a whole other human life inside of me now and I had to be careful with it. Just the thought sent a shiver through me and I started crying again. Crying because of the changes that would be happening soon, crying because everything was so complicated now, and crying because I was still so scared of what the others might think of me. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I cried the entire way home and was still crying when we got in the house. When I saw everyone sitting in the living room, it just made me cry even harder.
"What's wrong?" Amber asked me in a worried tone.
"Why are you crying so hard?"
"Well, you all know that Nikki hasn't been feeling very good lately, I made her go to the doctor this morning." Chris told them.
"Yeah, and? Somethings wrong isn't it? She wouldn't be upset if there weren't something seriously wrong. What did the doctor say?" Joey asked him.
"Do you want to tell them?" Chris asked me. I shook my head no.
"I can't. I can't do it."
"Maybe you should. Maybe it will make you feel better if YOU tell them."
"Please don't make me. I can't stand seeing the looks that I know they'll give me."
"Would some one PLEASE tell us what the hell is going on?" Jason exploded.
"She's going to have a baby."
"WHAT?!?!"
"You heard me. She's pregnant, we're going to be parents."
"You have GOT to be kidding me," Emily said, looking at her brother. "How STUPID can the two of you get?"
"Have you gone completly nuts? Have you forgotten about that ten year age difference?" Jack asked us. "Do you have any idea how BAD this is going to look."
"Oh, Nikki, are you ok with all of this?" Jane asked me, giving me a hug.
"Who CARES if she's o-kay with it? It's a little late to be thinking of that now isn't it?" Jason spat out angrily. "This is gonna go over REAL well with the press. Good going Chris!"
"See, I told you! I told you they would hate me. We shouldn't have told them. We just should have went straight to an abortion clinic, screw my values and screw what's morally right. Then they wouldn't all be so mad at me and hate me for this. I TOLD you they'd react like this!" I cried as I ran out of the room and upstairs. I could still hear Chris behind me.
"Thanks alot you guys. She was so scared to come back here, afraid you'd blame her. I told her you wouldn't, told her you'd be happy for us, that you wouldn't over react, and now look at you. Did you HEAR what she said? She would have rather kill her baby, OUR baby, than have to deal with the way you just treated her! Thanks, I really appriciate it!" I heard him yell, and then footsteps as he came up the stairs to my room.
I heard Chris come into my room, but I wouldn't look at him. He walked over and sat next to me on the bed, and placed a hand on my back.
"I'm sorry about that. I honestly didn't think they'd react like that. I love you baby girl, I never would have put you through that if I had known."
"We should have just gotten rid of it, then none of that would have happened."
"Don't say that, don't EVER even THINK it. That's our baby you have inside you, whether any of them like it or not. It's not their problem, it's ours."
"So now you think it's a problem?"
"Are you all right,Nikki?" I heard a soft voice ask from the door. I turned my head slowly and saw Emily standing there.
"Go tell them all they don't need to worry about it any more. I'm going to go tomorrow and have it taken care of, then everyone will be happy."
"Everyone but you, and you are the one that counts."
"Yeah, sure, I could really tell that everyone cared about MY feelings. I'll deal with this in my own way."
"Don't you even DARE kill my niece or nephew. I know you don't want to, that's not the way you are. Who cares what anyone else thinks?"
"You're really one to be talking Emily, you were one of the first people to attack me, you of all people. The one that I thought would stand behind me!"
"I'm sorry."
"Just go away, I don't want to see you or talk to you right now."
"Ok, I'll be downstairs if you want to talk to me." She said softly, and turned to leave the room. When she was gone, Chris closed the door and came back over with me.
"Please think about this. Do you really want to kill that baby?"
"No, not really, but it doesn't seem like I have much of a choice. They all hate me and blame me. If I deal with it before any of this leaks to the press, then maybe someday they can forgive me."
"But will YOU be able to forgive you? I don't think you would be able to. To be honest with you, I don't know if I would be able to forgive you for killing our baby."
"This is just so confusing, I don't know what to do. Please, just give me time to think." The next morning I was sitting in my room, listening to my favorite song,and crying, when Chris walked in. He came over and sat on the bed with me, taking me in his arms.
"Oh baby, please don't cry."
"I can't help it. I'm so confused, I can't stand the way everyone hates me, but after listening to this song.... I just don't know what I want to do."
"I think that deep down you DO know what you want."
"But it's not that simple. Did you see the way they looked at me yesterday? I thought they were my friends, but then when everyone attacked me like that. And I have to think about you and the team."
"You already know what I want."
"But Chris, we need to think of the others, this is going to affect them and their careers too you know."
"I know, but babe, this is between us, it's our baby, not theirs. You need to do what's best for you and not worry about them."
"I'm so confused, Chris, what should I do?"
"I can't tell you what to do.I can tell you what I hope you'll do, but in the end, the choice is yours. Listen to the song, then tell me if you really think you'd be able to go through with it and then live with yourself."
I leaned back into Chris' arms and listened to the words of the song coming from my stereo. I knew that he was right, but I felt so guilty, no matter what I did, it was going to affect so many people. Tears continued flowing down my cheeks as I thought about me, Chris, the baby, and the others.
"I don't think I can go through with it."
"Then don't."
"But everyone else...."
"Stop worrying about them, this isn't about anyone else, this is about you. If you do get an abortion, what is that going to do to you, and to our relationship. I've been up all night thinking about it and if you do have one, I don't think I'd be able to forgive you or face you anymore."
"I wouldn't be able to face myself."
"Then don't have one. Then others will just have to get used to the idea, and if not, then it's their loss. They are the ones that won't be around our baby."
I sighed as I thought about what he said and about that he told me about our relationship and what would happen to us if I decided to go through with it, then I pressed the repeat button on my CD player.I knew what I had to do.
Chris got up of the bed as my eyes watched his every move he said "Susan need some help with the album ill be back soon as possable k?"
"sure"thnking to my self is Susan's album more important than me?
downstairs i heard Chris talking to Jason
"I carnt have that baby it would ruin my life ive got to get rid of the baby at any cost"
I could hear Chris pacing around the floor as i stood at the top of the stairs then all of a sudden my mind went black
Nikki....Nikki....can you hear me
I woke up at the bottom of the stairs there was Chris and Jason looking at me gone out.
"Nikki what the hell happend?"
"I dunno i just felt dizzy next thing i know im at the bottom of the stairs it must have something to do with those head-achs ive been having since the accdent in the pool 3 months back"
"well we must get you back in to bed ill call the doc out"
At this point my head was realy hurting after the accedent ive had alot of head-achs Chris carryed me up stairs whilst Jason phoned the docter.
"now you just rest"Chris said to me how could i rest when my head was pounding like a drum the pain was unbareable.
Chris shouted down to jason
"Jason yo Jason forget the docter"
"you sure Chris??"
"yes forget the docter she'll be fine"
Although i wasnt felling fine i couldnt find the strengh to ask for the doctor Chris ask Jason to leave so i could get some peace and quiet at this moment i was feeling scared id heard Chris saying he need'd to get rid of the baby what did he meen by that?the thought was running through my mind over and over.
Chris seen Jason out of the house and came back in with a tub of tablets i managed to stutter out some words
"Ch..Chris wha..what are they?"
"The anwser to all my problems"He said in a weird way he gave me 4 pills
"Im sorry "Chris said to me
"Sorry for what?"
"what im about to do im sorry"Considering ive just had a fall down the stairs i was feeling very un sure of Chris he was acting very very strange what was all the "im sorry" crap for?
"im never going to see you again you tried to ruin my life,my job,my whole entire world and now its your time to pay"
Chris started forcing pills into my mouth i tried to spit them out but i didnt have the energy little did i know that Chris was trying to kill me yet although ild hadnt swallowed any pills i could feel myself being pulled away being pulled into anther world at first my vision went everything around me went blurry then my hearing i was sliping in and out of these 2 "worlds" then everything went silent was i alive or was i dead?if i was who or what killed me?was it chris?or something else but imagian the scene.
Me liying on my bed,Chris there forcing pills into my mouth little did i know my world had come to an end
Sam Law M7
