The Rain Horse-Diary Extract.

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The Rain Horse, GCSE Post 16 English C/W

The Rain Horse-Diary Extract

Dear Diary                                                  20th September 1983

Last week was the most evil week in my entire life. I returned home to my countryside village after 12 years of fighting as a boxer in south London. I'm proud of my self after I achieved the heavyweight title. It was just an amazing thing to happen.

        As I arrived, I went out for a walk around the farm and I noticed a different atmosphere. It was very boring, uninspiring and lifeless. There wasn’t a current of air. It was an alien land and like I left it twelve hundred years ago not just twelve years ago. I wanted to see the sunshine and feel the hot weather that reminded me of my childhood but the land was dull, wet and cold. I wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

        So I kept walking and suddenly something moved in the corner of my eye. There was a strange looking horse on top of the hill. I was very annoyed and irritated because of the rain and mud splashing on my trousers. I felt sick and disgusted at that moment. I looked over my right side and I saw a thin black horse running across the ploughed field towards the hill, its head down, neck stretched out. It didn’t look to me like a normal horse, and it seemed to be staring at me. It wasn’t like the pony we had when I was young. This horse seemed to have gone astray, and to be behaving strangely.

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        I walked a few metres and I saw the horse watching me intently, I felt unnerved and uneasy about being watched .It had an unpleasant and menacing presence. I started to shiver and shake so I went to hide under a tree to protect myself and my clothes from the rain. I huddled beside the trunk, trying to fight the cold and the hair on my neck prickled slightly.

        I sat next to the tree and kept looking at its trunk to clear my mind and suddenly the horse was standing in front of me, its head high watching me ...

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The writing in the second half of this piece is more developed than the first half and should be used as the model for the whole piece. Try and remember that variety is needed to gain high marks - variety in vocabulary, punctuation, sentence structure and paragraphing. 4 Stars