unlimited love

 As the summer days came by we would hold hands walking on the beach and our toes in the sand, we would sometimes be in the park laying down side by side, he was so sweet and romantic I couldn’t think of anyone so perfect and anyone that could replace him, I became closer to him, and it all felt eternal, never ending, seemed as if nothing could change mine or his feelings, the feelings just felt as if they were here to stay. We spend the first summer holiday together then we had to spend it with our families I had to go Dubai and he was going to Canada for his holiday, we were going to two different places, miles and miles away from each other but our hearts would be in the same place, with each other. We met on the last day before we left for our holiday he told he’ll miss me and remember me everyday and he would try and call as much as possible. He looked into my eyes as he told me he loved me I didn’t know why those words bought tears to my eyes for the first time, I leaned and hugged him and said I loved him too and this time I was certain I did. I wanted to stay hugging him forever, his touch was so tight I didn’t want to let go of him. We said bye to each other and went off to our holidays.

Dubai was awfully beautiful it had wonderful beaches and was full of divine palm trees, and the best shopping ever! It was wonderful but I just couldn’t wait to get back to my beloved and tell him all the things I saw and tell him how much I missed him and just give him a huge hug. He would call me sometimes all the way from Canada and whisper over the phone that he loved me and say some really silly childish things, he was unbelievable yet surprisingly very sweet, it would just make me laugh.

 He returned from his holiday a week before me but I was surprised he hasn’t called me I kind of got worried, and tried calling him but kept reaching voicemail I really missed him and tried not to worry much, keeping in mind that I would see him in a couple of days. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days, and days felt like months, just waiting to get back home. At last it was the last day of the holiday and time to return back home I couldn’t wait. We reached home at five o’ clock in the morning, really early so I decided not to call him and I was kind of tired so I went to have a nap for a bit. I lay in bed and knocked out.

Later I woke up at 10am and my best mate came over to see me she looked as if she had something to tell me, but she just didn’t seem to say anything, I got very tense and worried and kept asking her what’s wrong but she couldn’t seem to say anything I felt paranoid, I asked her continuously then suddenly she asked if I’ve been to the hospital that’s when I found out and she told me everything.

That’s why I am here, a fifteen year old all alone waiting outside my boyfriend’s hospital room because he is in a fight between life and death and I can’t do anything to help him survive. Is as if my body and face froze I couldn’t feel myself, I couldn’t say anything I just sat there feeling cold and expressionless, the doctor told me he got stabbed by the heart and is wounded very badly, and its rare patients survive at this stage, I just didn’t know what to say, I wanted to cry out loud but no tear came out I just sat there in shock, I could remember all the memories we had together it was all a flashback.

I didn’t want to lose him, he was everything to me, and without him everything in my life is incomplete. There is no me without him. There’s no meaning of life if his not a part of it. I loved him unconditionally, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him in fact he is my life, without him there isn’t a life, its like living in a world that doesn’t give you happiness but only memories. As a child I use to have silly little fantasies of being a princess, and one day my handsome prince will come along and sweep me of my feet, I could just imagine him being so funny, so cute, and so sweet. I just found my prince but the worst part was I might lose him in a few hours and I can’t do anything about it. For the first time in my life I felt so useless and low to myself. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to react, and I just wanted to see him! Why wasn’t the nurse calling me in to see him yet? Why? Has something gone wrong? So many questions in my head but yet again no answers! I waited for another hour until the nurse came and told me I could see him I went in shaking and shivering in panic I didn’t want to see him in pain, I couldn’t believe how happy I was to return home thinking everything would be perfect and beautiful, I have never thought something like this would have happened, as I said before when everything is perfect there’s always something that has to go wrong.

 As I walked closer to his bed slowly and slowly, all I could see was machines plugged on to him as if he was some sort of robot. There was beeping noises and wires on his body, I felt scared and started crying just seeing him like this made me felt like dying because I couldn’t bare this. I got closer and lay my head on his chest, and looked closely at him as he opened his eyes. I felt so happy when he opened his eyes, he had bruises and scratches everywhere on his face, bandages to stop the blood dripping. He told me not to worry his not going to leave me, and if he does then I’m always with him in his heart, he might die but our love will still be alive, he also said that at least if he dies he’ll die by my side, and die with me in his heart. I couldn’t say anything I was still in shock. He held my hand, as I still had tears coming out of my eyes; he put a ring on my hand and said that he loved me. Then suddenly everything seemed silent even the machines I looked at him and he just stopped talking, he was blank and he had froze. He had died, the one thing that mattered to me more then anything had left me, I could see our paths separating, even though he was so far away he was still in my mind, body and soul, and his memories would always be there, the doctors came rushing in to see what had happened.

 Since then I was a dead living person, I was in a world with an unending darkness, and I was in a world full of deception. I have never hurt anyone and yet this happened to me. It’s as if someone shot me leaving a hole in my heart which can only be filled by him, my mind was cascaded with emotions. I was dying within myself  crying every day and night my life is shattered with emotions, to others there teen age is a wonderful age to have fun and be happy, but me I’m always in my room, with curtains closed in darkness everywhere, just with memories to think of. I was blessed with his presence and now his gone forever. It felt as if that the world was against me life felt so unfair, what did I ever do too hurt anyone? Why did this happen to me? Yet again questions but no answers! That’s what my life is, just an immense question.

 I mean what do you do when the one that can make you stop crying is the one that made you cry? He was not to blame at all though still, I have many friends yet I felt so lonely, life for me is not the same, there’s no one to talk to. I feel hopeless and useless because I just watched my one and only love die like that and I couldn’t do anything about it.

 This pain was unbearable I thought to myself as I looked at the city from my balcony I just need him back in my life, how do I breathe without him by my side? How will I see anything when His love is what bought me to the light, where do I go? I don’t see the point of living without him. I just want to die so at least I can be with him, then again why wait? That’s one question I had the answer to as I leaned towards the balcony, the ending of my life which is the only way I can be with him, I never thought twice because this is all that will give me eternal bliss and happiness.