War has never led to anything Positive Discuss

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“War has never led to anything Positive”

This is the inconvenient truth- wars have been a part of our history from the beginning of time. Conflicts arising from different countries, colonies or communities have led to wars; sometimes for the greater good or sometimes for greed. What the people of the country fail to realize is the aftermath of these wars- the effects they create on individuals, general public and the world. An individual’s mental and physical health can be greatly damaged- forced to a downward spiral of delusion. Grievously, the negative effects from war outnumber the positive effects ending in an unstable country which would take long periods of time to recover. Hence, I agree with the statement ‘War has never led to anything positive” which I will further explore throughout this essay.

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The biggest negative impact on war focus on the casualties lost during war. The loss of unfortunate lives due to war lead to a decrease of population and broken families- lack of money supply and support. The impact of economy is devastating; with high debts from bonds and foreign loans which decrease the wealth of the country. Devastation of houses, cities, farms and factories, resulting in lost jobs, wounds, injuries and healthcare would all need to be compensated by the government to rebuild houses and cure the people of the country. War also increase the number of refugees hence government ...

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The quality of writing is largely accurate. However, there is a somewhat peculiar adoption of tense, with the student making using “would” excessively – the clearest example of this can be seen in paragraph three. A simple solution would be to remove it entirely; “poverty strikes governments with instability and debt” sounds far more fluent. Inconsistency of tense is often considered difficult for GCSE candidates. Writing appears most impressive in the introduction and conclusion as in the example of hyphens and semi-colons used correctly. However, repeated words are an issue within the response, as can be seen from the five instances of “country” in paragraph two. A well-used thesaurus would improve the fluency of writing; ‘institution’ or ‘state’ could be inserted into the essay.

Although examples are used to reinforce argument, these are extremely vague; “Germany… where they lost many homes and historic buildings”. A possible solution here would be to provide ‘shocking’ facts such as the comprehensive destruction of specific German cities in WWII. This sets a trend for the rest of the response, in which areas of discussion are severely underdeveloped. For example, the counter-argument in paragraph four is concluded with “these positive outcomes still do not justify the number of people lost due to it”, which given the excellent detail preceding it, seems out-of-kilter with the rest of the response. Argumentation appears disjointed and unfocused; the student should attempt to apply a Point Evidence Explain system instead of leaping around at whim from one topic to another. For example, after making a point, always ask yourself ‘why is this significant?’

This response is consistently relevant to the set question. The student also displays an awareness of counter-argument which limits bias. However, this student appears far too subjective in the introduction; “I agree with the statement ‘war has never led to anything positive’” almost renders the remainder of the response as being unnecessary. Introductions should be used to introduce main areas of discussion, while reaching valid and well-considered conclusions should be contained within the conclusion itself.