When teachers apply for a job at a school, they receive a pack containing information about the school. Write a section of this pack in which you, as a student, try to persuade teachers to come and work at your school.
Acklam Grange School is a Specialist College of Maths & Computing. This means that the school has a high reputation of success in these subjects, and as such it receives additional funding to further the enhancement of them.
Acklam Grange has recently received a new school building, courtesy of Building Schools for the Future, a program organised by the Labour Government. The school was one of the first to receive funding, and as such it is one of a handful of schools within the country to retain BSF status. The new building has allowed a number of improvements to take place, such as modernized facilities and staff rooms within each department.
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Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
The Quality of Written Communication is very good. The candidate makes a good effort to form and answer with good control over the grammar, spelling and punctuation. There is no cause for concern raised here.
Level of analysis
The Level of Persuasion is a little poor, but there is a good suitability for the audience. The candidate does write with a style nicely suited for the intended audience but the actual persuasion is lacking. The candidate's answer would be better suited overall though if they grouped together conducive paragraphs because as it is, this candidate does not give any inclination that what they're saying is ordered and the persuasive techniques are implicit at best. Whilst it could be argued that the teachers are already engaged in trying to apply for the job and so need little explicit persuasion, I still recommend that the candidate attempt to incorporate a lot more persuasive techniques like hyperbole, imperative, rhetorical questions, triples etc.
Response to question
This is a good answer. It is clear and has a fair sense of direction when trying to persuade the potential teachers to apply for the school. My only quandary is the actually persuasion techniques are a little dwindling in numbers, which also gives the answer a slightly more factual presentation, with little overall cohesion connecting the points together other than the fact they all evolve around Acklam Grange School. This isn't to sat here is no persuasion at all, but it seems to work better as an informative piece and loses it's power as a persuasive piece due to the lack of explicitly persuasive devices. As a result of this, I would like recommend the candidate go over the available persuasive techniques that can be used when trying to persuade.
