You have been stranded on a desert island. Describe your first 24 hours alone on the island.

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Hannah Greenslade Y10 Coursework Assignment 2 5/11/01

Option 3

Task; You have been stranded on a desert island. Describe your first 24 hours alone on the island.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. Even before I opened my eyes, I knew where I was. The tantalizing scent of washed-up waves and bananas all rolled into one. I felt the millions of grains of sand, hot against my fingers and the cool breeze against my face, - a relief from the sweltering sun. I heard the sea crawling onto the sand and, further away, the same monster dashing against the rocks. As I opened my mouth to take in a gulp of air, I tasted salt in my throat. Not the same taste as on Brighton Pier, when you look over into the sea, but a fresh, clean one, as if taking in pure oxygen. Only then, when my four other senses had taken in their share of my surroundings, did I allow myself to open my eyes.

I was amazed at how easily fantasy and reality intertwined at that moment. It was like continuing a dream after waking up. As I lifted my eyelids, as the barrier between my imagination and actuality was removed, the accuracy of my prediction astounded me.

As I sat up and looked around, I realized that I must have been asleep for a long time, as my sopping wet clothes were completely dry. I could just see the island on which I had been staying, a strip of land on the contrasting horizon. The rubber dinghy, my means of travel, was almost flat now, having carried my body weight so far across the sea. This place, where I had ended up, was the best case scenario. I didn’t really have any idea where I wanted to go, but anywhere was better than that resort. You know when you see holiday disaster programs on television about families who had to stay on a building site or put up with drunken neighbors? Well think of those and imagine it ten times worse. I hadn’t bargained for a brothel as an apartment building or Ibiza style clubs, it was pretty much my idea of hell. When I let myself drift away on the inflatable, all I could think of was the peace and quiet of somewhere like this.

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It was only when I looked up that I realized how dark it was becoming. The sand had a more dull quality and the sea looked grey. I was aware of how much more happy and relaxed I was to be alone, and in a place like this!

I set about looking for a good resting-place and soon came across a shallow cave. I collected enough grass and leaves to line the floor and made a circle of rocks outside for a fire. I felt so excited, as if I was on one of the school camps I used to ...

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This is an almost flawless essay. The scenario is effectively set at the beginning and the story is developed smoothly as the protagonist explores her new home. The joy of finding herself alone is well expressed in the final paragraph. Sentence and paragraph structure are well-controlled, with only one or two small slips. A few compound sentence structures would be improved by the comma being replaced by a semicolon, but this is nit-picking. One IS left wondering how the protagonist is going to find food.... 5 stars.