Non-abusing mother's perspective of child abuse

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The aim of this assignment is to investigate the problems experienced by a mother of a sexually abused child.

Wordcount 3300

Whilst there are many issues around child sexual abuse I will be focusing on the mother's perspective, as I believe any sexually abused child will need the help and support of their mother in order to overcome the abuse.

I will be exploring how mothers can be supported when confronted with child sexual abuse given they are faced with grief and losses of enormous complexity. A mother may experience confusion, conflict and feel threatened from within and outside the family. The decisions they have to make have life-long implications to be made at a time when she may feel disempowered.

I recognise that in many cases the child will blame the mother for failing to see what was happening and not protecting them but as research has shown children love their parents. The blame the child attributes to the mother is often a way the child uses to get through the situation a psychological defence mechanism.

This is one of the reasons why so many perpetrators can get away with it for so long, children are very forgiving. (Humphreys 1997). Further to this I would add that if the mother is not supported the abuse could carry on as the children may forgive their abuser.

It is important the mother is assisted and supported to be responsive to the emotions the child feels, otherwise the child may feel abandoned. Mothers are powerful role models and can exert great influence over the outcome. If a mother is not helped she may experience depression that the child may perceive as weakness. This may lead the child to internalise the idea that all women are weak, and may affect how the child views its own sexuality. If the child sees the mother as inadequate during this period it may have an impact on the child's ability to form and maintain close relationships later in life.

I have decided to use a fictitious case study to explore in depth what are the main issues. The case study is structured in such a way to allow the scenario to be written whilst at the same time putting across views, theories and general hypothesis: -

A mother of two children has discovered that her husband has sexually abused their children.

The mother is shocked at the discovery that the man she has been married to for fifteen years who she felt she knew inside out could do such a thing. She finds it difficult but believes her children.

She is angry but also overcome with guilt and self-recrimination. (Butler-Sloss 1990)

To seek outside help or not? She cannot decide, intervention may mean trauma for the children and investigations that will be humiliating and stigmatising. But she considers the other option, dealing with it herself. She realises her husband is domineering and controlling and that she has little self-esteem upon which to draw strength. Her close family would be appalled, sympathetic yes, but would be unable to help her through it because they would be unable to talk about it honestly and openly, well that sort of thing does not happen in other families, decent families does it?

She weights up the consequences of moving out. This would mean moving from the community her and the children know, If they move out is she strong enough to overcome the poverty and isolation that will ensue? Leaving to face poverty may incur additional guilt.

Because of her age and ethnic background she feels constrained because of the restricted options available to her.

Along with the practical elements to plan it occurs to the mother that she in not qualified to deal with the psychological consequences of the abuse for the children, both short term and long term.

This final issue convinces her to trust the 'experts' and ask for professional intervention.

The social worker seems considerate and understanding and makes recommendations that appear helpful. The husband through legal routes has to leave the family home. But before long it is apparent that the recommendations cannot be carried through for one thing or another not least budget constraints. With the children's names on the Child Protection Register the mother feels stigmatised and her self-esteem is lowered still further
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The mother feels increasingly inadequate which impacts on her ability to cope with the children's needs.

At the next assessment the mother does not do very well she is feeling depressed and unsupported, as nobody seems to understand how she feels. Having her parenting abilities called to question further undermines her self-esteem and she is angry and emotional. She feels devalued as a mother and disempowered as a person.

The mother tells the social worker she does not know how to deal with the children there is a barrier between them that she does ...

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