night. I tacked my letter to the door. After picking up my bag that I'd
hidden behind the wooden structure earlier that day, I walked into our
backyard, turning back to look at my house one last time.
Despite the crumbling roof, a few broken windows, and scraggly grass,
ripe with the smell of chicken droppings , it is...-well it WAS my
home. It wasn’t one of those ‘Once Upon a Time,’ prefect mansions. I was literally born in that very yard, my pregnant Mother hadn’t
been able to make it into the hospital. I’d swung from the
abundant gum trees with my Brother as a child, wrestled the neighbors
son, Joel to the ground until he screamed for mercy, and broken my
arm on a dare to jump from the sloping porch onto a pile of hay. As I
got older, I remembered taking my book outside to enjoy the cool
breeze blowing off our towns river, having water fights with my
brother and his friends when we were supposed to be watering the crops, throwing stones at the kangaroos, which always seemed to be too fast for me,
and even kissing Joel behind our huge gum tree last new years Eve
before he walked me to the front door.
On the other hand, it was just a bunch of boards, held together by
nails, and plaster, set on a bit a land, nothing that I couldn’t find
elsewhere, or build for myself. Wearing a layered look of hope, and
sadness, I looked back at the house one last time, before hitching up
my bag on my shoulders. Tears cascading from my eyes, into the curved
smile I tried to set my mouth in, I took a few steps, before turning to
look back at the house, imagining my sleeping family within its’
tattered walls. I kept telling myself that leaving was for the best,
especially since I would be killing several birds with one stone. I
mean, my family wouldn’t have to worry about their reputations, or
safety, my teachers would no longer have to continue with their ‘Oh you have a lot of potential’ but I knew they didn’t mean that. At that place they made me feel like no one. Like I didn’t have a future and like the only person who did were you, Brother. Taking care not to get too close to the river that ran as a muddy
creek throughout our land, I took a tentative step into the threshold
of an uncertain future.
Everything had been going relatively well those first few days away from
home. Despite my poor History skills, I didn’t know a lot about Australia however an excellent sense of direction kept me following the river. Away from my teachers’ nagging I had a ball getting up when I wanted, not bruising my knees from the countless hours spent on evening study, belching out loud, scratching myself in those “hard to reach” places, and enjoying each day as it came. It was bliss to me,
Though I missed my elder brother Dave, and Dad, I kept telling
myself that this was for the best. I would only let them down as their whole life they have only settled for the best school results, never second best.
After translating the Bible countless times in both Chinese and Italian, you’d think I would have gotten something out of all the verses advising future generations not to dwell on things beyond their control.
But this was within my control. I can control my future. I can control what I want to do. Judging by the positions of the ever-changing moon, it took me
roughly a week and three days, before the I realized that. That I can control who I am and what I become.
Since I was little, I never wanted to be what I was. Since this day, I never want to be what I am. Every day, I was something new: a princess, a unicorn, a super hero, any type of animal. But most of all, I dreamed of being among the stars. Out there nothing could hold me down. Not a single thing. I could do what ever I pleased, and never get in any kind of trouble. That's the way life's supposed to be, I kept telling my self. But as I grew older, and things changed, my dreams changed too.
Soon, I dreamt of being a movie star, or a singer. Anything that would
make me famous. I took ballet, and whenever I danced, I could pretend to be what ever I wanted. And the whole world had their eyes on me. It was so
magical, almost like a dream come true. I soon grew out of that stage, and no longer wanted to be a famous star.
Next, I got into art, and I dreamed of traveling all over the world, and
drawing beautiful pictures of where ever I visited. I could draw portraits
for ten cents apiece. And I could paint murals on walls that had been stained by graffiti. I could change the world with just my paintbrush and pencil. Soon, that wasn't so exciting any more. And once again my dreams changed.
The people around me at that place that I hate, made me change. They frightened me. They made me afraid of the world and what expectations people would have of me. I was too afraid to try new things and that’s why it has come down to this. Leaving my home because I’m too afraid to let down the people who want the most out of me, my teachers and parents.
As I have grown older, and developed my grammar skills, I – well maybe not me, but my Brother Dave made me discover a new way to make my dreams come true. I could write. I could put all my dreams on paper and share them with the world. I don’t have to be the ‘loser’ I am. Then everyone's eyes would for sure be on me and my dreams. I'd write poetry, and novels; short stories, and children's books; mysteries, and murders; ghosts and the unexplained. I'd write a story for every type of imagination.
Now that I'm still getting older and times are still changing. My dreams
have finally settled down. I'll be a famous author, I keep telling myself,
and everyone will know my dreams.
