Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
The French in this piece is generally quite good, although the candidate frequently confuses the imperative and the infinitive, e.g. Ã‚Â« Consommer des aliments ÃƒÂ teneur rÃƒÂ©duite en gras. Choisissez des versions rÃƒÂ©duites de graisse des aliments comme les produits laitiers, les tartinades et les vinaigrettes. Couper gras de la viande. Ã‚Â» Ã‚Â« Choisissex Ã‚Â» is correct, however it should be Ã‚Â« Consommer Ã‚Â» and Ã‚Â« Coupez Ã‚Â», since the author is giving a command. Although they are pronounced in the same way it is important to make a distinction between the infinitive and the imperative when writing. Accordingly, care should be taken when forming negatives. The opening sentence reads Ã‚Â« Surtout, ne pas fumer. Ã‚Â» However, since fumer should be an imperative (not an infinitive as it currently is), this ought to read Ã‚Â« Surtout, ne fumez pas. Ã‚Â»
Level of analysis
The level of analysis is appropriate for a GCSE standard piece of work. The candidate has made ample use of statistics and facts to support his/her work and has clearly done the necessary research. The candidateÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s list of guidelines is quite comprehensive, although some points could be further elaborated, for example we are told, Ã‚Â« Regardez les ÃƒÂ©tiquettes des aliments. Choisissez des aliments avec moins loin, le sucre et en sel. Ã‚Â», which raises the question, Ã‚Â« Pourquoi ? Ã‚Â». However although more information this essay could be improved and much more informative, as it stands there is generally enough included for a good mark at GCSE.
Response to question
The candidate has responded well to the prompt to write about ways of keeping healthy. S/he has given a detailed list of different ways to keep healthy, and has used a wide range of vocabulary and syntax in expressing this. However, at times it reads as though the candidate has relied too much on online translators, and has copied directly from the internet. We are even told to Ã¢â‚¬Å“cliquez iciÃ¢â‚¬Â! This is frankly embarrassing, and while candidates can use information from the web, they should try to phrase it in their own words and certainly read over their work before submitting it.