German-Holidays. Vor zwei Jahren im August habe ich drei wahnsinnige Wochen an der franszischen Kste verbracht.
Vor zwei Jahren im August habe ich drei wahnsinnige Wochen an der fransözischen Küste verbracht. Ich bin am 21st August um zwei uhr abgeafahren. Ich bin mit dem auto nach zum Hafen gefahern. Die Auto Reise hat acht Stunden gedauert, und dann mit der Nacht fähre gefahren.Während der Reise hörte ich musik aber das Meer war sehr stürmisch und ich hatte schrechlicke seekrank war. Nach der fähre Reise, haben wir eine lange Auto reise gemacht. Wenn ich im urlaub bin,verbringen wir den abend auf Camping Plätzen in einem grossen Zelt. Ich verbringe meine Ferien am liebsten am Strand wo man viel wasser Sport treiben kann. Ich mache am liebsten surfen und windsurfen.Während des Tages sind wir an der Küste und in Pont-Aven gegangen, auch wir sind rund um die künstlerische stadt gewandert. Manchmal durften meine schwestern und ich ein eis essen und mein bruder hat einen Schokoladenhörnchen gegessen weil er eis nicht gern isst. Abends sind wir ins Resteraunt gegangen. Meine Mutti und ich habe eine Crepe mit kase gegessen, aber dazu ass meine Mutter hähnchen und ich ass gemüse. Meine schwestern assen pizza une mein Vati ass Muscheln mit pommes, dannach haben wir eine französische band in einer kneipe gesehen. Meistens war das wetter sehr schön, sonnig und manchmal ein bisschen zu heiss aber am Ende das urlaubs wetter das war ziemlich kalt und wolkig.
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Quality of writing
All in all, a comprehensive use of lexis is employed. Sometimes it seems that the author lists items too much rather than describing them – this, unfortunately, does not demonstrate analytical skills. There are some mistakes common to beginners who are not yet used to the nuances of German: 1) Connecting two words to make one. “Die Auto Reise” should thus be “die Autoreise” and “obst salat” should become “Obstsalat”. 2) Nouns should always begin with a capital letter: “musik”, “stadt”, then “Küste”… The author seems to change from small to capital according to whim. 3) Word order should be respected. Thus, “auch wir sind rund um die künstlerische stadt gewandert” should become “auch sind wir um die künstlerische Stadt herumgewandert”. Also, remember that “weil” always sends the verb to the end. Apart from these, the author tries to follow the rules of grammar. The writer demonstrates his/her deeper knowledge of the language by using different tenses, including 2 past tenses, the present and the future tense, as well as the conditional. Moreover, there is a wide choice of connecting phrases such as “wenn”, “aber”, “auch”, “um… zu”, all of which make the language seem more natural.
Level of analysis
The amount of detail stated in the text is sufficient; however, sometimes the analysis and opinions get mixed up with descriptions of past events, such as: “Ich mache am liebsten surfen und windsurfen. Während des Tages sind wir an der Küste”. Content-wise, these sentences do not belong together. The author should focus on one single aspect of the holiday at a time, or incorporate his/her “preferences” into the descriptive sentence. This is actually done well later, when the author uses separate paragraphs to describe favourite activities, future plans and wishes. Another point to improve on would be the listing of food items in the first two paragraphs. Instead of this, it would be nice to see more vocabulary relating to activities or travel – the author has already described these a little, but there is much more to say about them than about food. The last three paragraphs present a rich array of “modes” (present/future/conditional), meaning that the answer is less superficial – we can see, even with the numerous grammar mistakes, that the author tried to convey his/her point of view to the fullest.
Response to question
In terms of content, the author has a lot to say and answers the question in detail; the descriptions of the journey and various activities, as well as the opinions contained in the text give a good overview of the author’s holidays. The essay starts off with an introduction, continues to give an account of the journey in the past tense, and then goes on to state plans for future holidays as well as hypothetical statements. A combination of these elements makes the text comprehensive and demonstrates a willingness to use various tenses. This is very important at the GCSE stage, as it means that the author gains confidence in operating in the language.
