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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
Overall, despite the “common errors” at this stage, this essay presents a high level of German for GCSE standards. The author alludes to many sub-themes (different aspects of eating, vitamins, smoking, etc.) and gives varied examples. This automatically expands the lexis. Sometimes the grammar contains inaccuracies and it seems that most of these come from inattention; the author should pay attention to the “different” word order in German and remember to actually insert the verbs at the end! Example: “Versuchen Sie, fünf Portionen Obst und Gemüse pro Tag.” The verb “zu essen” should figure at the end of the sentence. We see a similar omission at the end of the text: “(…)dass Menschen, die ein kurzes Nickerchen während des Tages, um das Risiko(…)”. Here, we should have a verb (indirect object) that relates to “Nickerchen”. Moreover, there are some common grammar mistakes in the text – conjugation. For example, in “fettreduziert Versionen” there should be an “e” at the end of the adjective (because you are conjugating a plural accusative). It is great to see that the author experiments with structures even at the GCSE stage, and usually it pays off. However, he/she should pay more attention to the logical structures: “denn es braucht Zeit für Ihren Körper auf die Höhe der Lebensmittel, die Sie aßen und wie voll Sie sind zu registrieren” – this does not really work, as the reader and the writer both get lost in the language.
Level of analysis
All the ideas and suggestions in the text are relevant to the question and focus very sharply on it – there are never any digressions. In short and precise sentences, the author expresses all the necessary information in clear German. Although the topic is somewhat technical, there is a good creative input in terms of subject expansion: in fact, the detail exceeds the standard normally expected of GCSE students. Furthermore, the statistics (e.g. the one about smoking) show that the topic has been well-researched and add a level of competence and persuasion to the text, making it more than descriptive. The main flaw of the text is its objectivity and dryness. In order to demonstrate a higher, more elaborate level of German, the author could evaluate his/her own “healthy living” or give an account of how her/his environment adheres to the “rules” presented above.
Response to question
The writer approaches the question with attention and follows a good plan. There is structured focus on various aspects relating to healthy living and although not too much detail is given on each, the amount of arguments and advice, as well as incorporated facts, makes up for this. In addition, the structure itself is well-organised: the points are clearly set up and there is a smooth shift from one to another.