writing exam french healthy lifestyle

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À mon opinion je suis assez en bonne santé parce que j'ai tendance à manger correctement et je fais de l'exercice souvent.

La santé est très importante, parce que vous devez manger équilibré et faire un de l’activité physique pour la forme et éviter l’obésité et les autres problèmes de santé. Pour garder ma bonne forme je fais du sport régulièrement et je manger équilibré.

Au petit déjeuner normalement je mange du pain et je bois du thé au lait. Á midi, je ne mange pas rien parce que à ‘la cantine c'est trop cher. En revanche normalement je mange un sandwich au fromage pour mon déjeuner quand je retourné à la maison.

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Je ne mange jamais de porc parce que c'est interdit aux musulmans. Hier, pour le dîner j'ai mangé de l'agneau avec des légumes et j'ai bu de l'eau. J’adore les légumes, surtout les haricots verts et les petit pois. Par contre, je déteste les choux de Bruxelles. Le goût ne me plait pas du tout. C’est beaucoup trop amer pour moi. Je n’aime pas le fast-food parce qu'il y a trop de graisse et de sucre dedans mais je mange quelque fois. J’ai des petites faiblesses, par exemple j’adore le chocolat, mais en général je n’ai pas des mauvaises habitudes.

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They have used several tenses, including the present, perfect, present passive, simple future, and conditional. In order to describe situations in the past, it would have been better to use the imperfect tense, although at GCSE this is less of an issue. The writer has used words such as ‘cela’ and ‘ça’, and pronouns are usually in the correct places (with a few mistakes such as ‘je mange quelque fois’, which should have been ‘je le mange quelque fois’). There are a few other mistakes, for example ‘faire un de l’activité physique’, in which the ‘un’ is unnecessary, but for the most part the grammar is good and the passage as a whole makes sense. There are several missed opportunities to use connectives (for example, I would have changed ‘Le goût ne me plait pas du tout. C’est beaucoup trop amer pour moi.’ to ‘Le goût ne me plait pas du tout, parce que c’est beaucoup trop amer pour moi.), and the many short sentences prevent the piece from flowing as well as it could have. The author’s use of time expressions, adverbs, and adjectives is very good, and they have clearly tried to expand sentences where possible. They have used more complicated sentence structures such as ‘si’ clauses (‘Si l’on ne dort pas assez, il est difficile de pouvoir tenir toute la journée’), demonstrating an awareness of different ways of saying things in order to make the piece more interesting and varied. Overall, their use of grammar is good, with only a few mistakes; they are capable of varying sentence structure and using synonyms; and they have a good knowledge of the various tenses required for GCSE level.

The author has discussed their own habits, including their diet and fitness, in order to come to the conclusion that they are healthy, but will do more exercise in future. They have discussed the attraction of drugs and alcohol to other young people and suggested the negative effect of this on their health. They have mentioned that some of the food they eat could be unhealthy, for example fatty, sugary fast food, but I would have gone into more detail about the chance of obesity and long term problems with the heart in order to analyse the healthiness of the author’s diet further. They say that exercise is important – ‘il est bon de faire de l’exercice’ – and then say that they do exercise every day, then directly contradict this by describing sports they used to do, but no longer do due to the expense and distance away. I would have instead said that I used to be healthy, but have unfortunately slipped into bad habits by not doing enough exercise – J'étais en bonne forme, mais, malheureusement, est tombé dans mauvaises habitudes en ne faisant pas assez d'exercice. This makes more sense, and could be embellished by adding examples. The writer has used a wide range of vocabulary such as ‘surtout’ and ‘faiblesses’, as well as using synonyms to avoid repeating words – ‘En revanche’ and ‘Par contre’, croire, sembler, and penser – which makes the piece less repetitive. However, I would have used more synonyms for ‘manger’, for example ‘consommer’, ‘diner’, and ‘prendre un repas’. They have usually used complex vocabulary correctly and in appropriate places, although at times have not quite phrased things right, for example ‘je manger équilibré’ doesn’t make sense, and I would have instead said ‘je mange des choses saines’.

The author has written a piece about healthy lifestyle, although they have particularly focussed on healthy food. They have also mentioned exercise, drugs, smoking and sleep. They have talked a lot about what they eat and what exercise they do, although I would have talked more about the importance of being healthy in general – they have mentioned ‘éviter l’obésité et les autres problèmes de santé’ - avoiding obesity and other health problems, but I would have also discussed social issues such as peer pressure causing young people to become too thin, problems associated with addiction to drugs, lung cancer from smoking, and the long term effects to health caused by obesity, for example heart problems. They have briefly considered wider health issues, but could have gone into more detail in order to produce a well-rounded essay.