Develop my self-disclosure skill

Authors Avatar

Introduction

People engage in communication on a daily basis.  There is no avoiding it.  Since the day we were born communication has been a part of our lives. As time passed by we began to self-disclose to certain individuals our thoughts, ideas, and feelings on various issues that arose.  The process of self-disclosure, as we quickly realized, is not an easy process, or activity, to take part in. 

For me, self-disclosure is the hardest piece of the puzzle, yet it is so important. Communicating without disclosing self is like trying to play tennis without a ball. So for this assignment, I decided to develop my self –disclosure skill.

In the past, I considered myself a strong communicator. I was somewhat self-aware, I liked myself, and I had excellent listening skills. However, I didn’t get the results I wanted.

An intensively private person, I kept my own counsel; rarely did I share my personal life at school. Also standoffish in my personal life, I didn’t have many close friends. I often felt isolated and at times invisible. I remembered once standing with a group of classmates at a party, and feeling lost. My classmates seemed to be enjoying each other. But no one realized, or cared, that I was there. I didn’t know yet that you have to show up to be seen.

At that time I realized how serious my problem was. In order to further understand and develop my communication skill, I did a self-disclosure test which was available at . The result told me that I tend to avoid sharing much or any information about myself with others. When something is on my mind or weighing on my emotionally, I generally don't open up and spill the beans, but remain tight-lipped. This bottling up of emotions is unhealthy for me and my relationships. After reading the above analysis, the decision to develop my self-disclosure skill became stronger.

“Self disclosure is the process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and that would not normally be known by others.” (Adler & Towne, 2003, p.337).”It includes all kinds of information: life experiences, personal circumstances, feelings, dreams, opinions and so on. But most importantly, self-disclosure is sharing how you are reacting to the other person and the current situation. It is telling the truth, not just presenting your good side or your social mask.”(Bolton, 1986, p.179) I think an ideal self-disclosure involves openness, a desire to get closer to another, and an implied trust in the person we're revealing ourselves to. Self-disclosures imply that the other person is special. You trust the other with personal information about yourself. And you're flattering them by implying that you like them and want to get to know them better by disclosing with them. And if it happens to be a medium or high-risk disclosure, this trust and openness creates a bond which serves to tie people together in an unseen, but very powerful way. These bonds have the potential to create incredible relationships, strong friendships. An ideal self-disclosure also can increase self-acceptance due to the acceptance by friends and others. After you feel better about yourself, you can self-disclose even more of yourself, leading to closer, more enjoyable relationships. And with more feedback, greater security and self-acceptance, you are able to look deeper into yourself and solve more problems.

My current level of the self-disclosure skill is very poor. Sharing my true self is so hard for me, disclosing private information about my thoughts and feelings involve a high degree of vulnerability. It is taking a chance of getting hurt. I am afraid of rejection or criticism; the other person may respond so negatively or judgmentally that might make me experience more shame or guilt. So for most time when I have to talk with people, I often talk about the weather and how things are going at school, but the really important things-like how I feel about each other-go unspoken. I tend to stick to emotionally safe and predictable topics as a way to engage each other without offending or otherwise inviting strong emotions. Indeed, I am a person who is not easy to trust others and I often camouflage my true being before others to protect myself against rejection. Now I realized my problem, I must change if I want to make close friends and leave loneliness.

Methodology

In order to successfully develop my self-disclosure skill, I made a plan.

First, I should understand what is called self-disclosure and how it plays an important part in interpersonal communication. The development of any skill is partly dependent on an understanding of the nature of that skill. Although I have unconsciously obtain some knowledge about self-disclosure, but this is not enough. I need to consciously raising more about it, and this may be an important ingredient in making future adaptations. I read the textbook Looking out, looking in》(Adler & Towne, 2003)and knew that self-disclosure is a process of providing private information to another individual. A useful way of viewing self-disclosure is the Johari window. This model was developed by two American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham. It is a way of showing how much information you know about yourself and how much others know about you. The window contains four panes, as shown below.

Join now!

By reading the textbook, I know open pane is the part that is known to you and to others, for example, you know a persons name, so does he. The Blind pane includes information that others can see in you, but you cannot see in your self. Other might see you as being very noisy or as using too strong a perfumesomething likes that which they don’t tell you. The Hidden pane contains information you wish to keep private, such as a fear of black beetles or your dreams. The Unknown pane includes everything that you and others do not ...

This is a preview of the whole essay