Modern arranged marriages, in contrast to classical ones, are not based on proscriptions but on realistic considerations. Often, parents can contribute to the offspring's life by utilizing the benefits of experience to choose the right mate for him/her. The common misconception is that the concept of arranged marriages implies traditional male-female duties.
Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than , where marriages of personal choice are the norm. Also, arranged marriages only have a divorce rate of 4% compared to Australia which is about 40%.
Arranged marriages allow individuals that may have hard time finding a mate such as socially inept, disabled and etc. to find a mate and get married.
Against
Amongst the arguments against arranged marriage, the most important are:
Arranged marriage is as good or as bad as the people arranging it. A forced mismatch, based on the values important to the arranger may not be as important to the parties involved.
A person is limited to marry only one of the matches the parents or elders selected. Because the matches are made according to culture, background, profession, etc. it is almost impossible to marry intercultural, or from lower social background to higher and vice a versa.
What do those who are anticipating an arranged marriage feel about it?
Even though arranged marriages are declining, the practice is still the leading form of marriage in most of the world, according to Amit Batabyal, a Rochester Institute of Technology professor and author of a book on arranged marriages. Cities and provinces of varying economic status in parts of India, Africa, Asia, and the Middle East participate in arranged marriages, and many young people living in these areas anticipate the time when their mate will be selected for them.
What do those who are in arranged marriages feel about their relationship?
In separate research, Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approaches taken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish.
He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages.
His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to weaken by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark.
The connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be around twice as strong. Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests and life goals are compatible.
This means they are more likely to commit for life – and to stick together through rocky patches.
Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to be blinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details.
He said: ‘The idea is we must not leave our love lives to chance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocate arranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them.
A girl, Manju, talks about her arranged marriage. “I didn’t love him,” Manju says. “But when we talked, we had a lot in common.” She then adds, “But now I couldn’t live without him. I’ve never thought of another man since I met him.”
How does the practise differ around the world?
In Hinduism, people believe marriage binds the family together for the next seven births. Thus Hindu men and women frequently engage in arranged marriages. In most cases the bride and groom agree to a match chosen by their parents. Parents or family members assisting in the search for an acceptable spouse look at criteria such as horoscope matching, religion, education, employment, caste, financial status, family education and work history and reputation. The aim of arranging marriages in Hindu societies is to find a prospective match who is compatible so arguments and family disharmony do not arise.
An Hindu arranged marriage ceremony in India
Buddhist cultures still practice arranged marriages based on the belief that parents have more life experience and therefore are able to find a more suitable partner for their children. Buddhist culture believes that the marriage not only join the bride and groom but also both families. Arranging the marriage involves consulting an astrologer and verifying health, wealth and social status of the prospective mate. When the bride and groom agree to the match, the astrologer is again consulted to determine the wedding date.
There are two types of pre-arranged marriages in Muslim societies. In one type, halal, the parents accept suggestions or recommendations on a potential mate. Matches are made between prospective bride and groom based on benefits to both families and reputation of the bride or groom. The couple consent to the marriage before arrangements are made.
The second type, haram, is where the parents have full control over the pairing of the couple; the bride and groom have absolutely no say. Brides are chosen or given away based on the benefit to the family, the girl or mutual agreement between the families.
An Islam Marriage
In Jewish communities, many marriages are arranged by a professional match-maker ("shadchan") who receives a "brokerage-fee" for his or her services. The parents may be actively involved in the matchmaking procedure, but the young couple is not forced to marry. The is thus a system of arranged introductions rather than arranged marriages.
Is it reasonable for people to continue this practise in the 21st century?
It is reasonable for people to practise arranged marriages in the 21st century as it is proven that the divorce rate is considerably lower than a love inspired marriage. It also is proven that people in the relationship are happier.
However, we must make sure that arranged marriages are not forced marriages and the people that are anticipating an arranged marriage have a say in whether they want to have the marriage or not. Also, we have to make sure that arranged marriages are not happening between children under 18.