The effects of divorce on children are not only evident in future relationships and social stature, but also during the years that the child actually goes through the separation. It is pretty much common knowledge that all children are affected, be it in family relationships or with school ties and friends, to some degree while their parents seek a divorce, but are often overlooked on the amount and severity of this suffering. It has been found that over one-third of all children who suffer from divorce blame themselves for the difficulties of their parents relationship (Amato). It is this self-allocation of blame that causes the most severe problems among these children. This allocation of blame towards themselves causes children to often seek the position of caregiver to more ailing parent of the divorce. It has been shown by various studies that most of the “care-giver” roles are filled by girls of the divorced parents. These girls later in life tend to develop an emotional barrier towards the opposite sex, which can cause severe difficulty and discomfort in future relationships (Wallerstein 7). This sacrifice that children make during divorce is just one of many that a child must face, which include trading in their normal childhood worries for that of a responsible adult. As loving parents of these children, the divorcing parents owe it to their children to help ease and prevent the pain of divorce.
Although all children who experience the divorce of their parents suffer in one way or another, there are distinct boundaries between specific trends found in opposite sexes. To begin with, girls of divorced parents have a lower tendency to complete their education through high school and are more likely to become single teenage mothers (Amato). Among some less serious outlets for the stresses caused by divorce that females pursue are the tendency to break curfew, or altogether failure to follow the rules of her parents, and an increase in physical aggression towards her parents and friends who have not suffered from a severed family environment (Hanson). It is also evident that daughters of divorcees are more likely to use and abuse of illicit drugs and alcohol (Amato) and have a tendency to develop many destructive behavioral problems (Carlson and Corcoran).
On the other side of the spectrum, males are just as affected by divorce as females. Various studies show that males who grow up in a divorce-stricken household develop various “bad” habits, such as illegal use of elicit drugs, tendency towards alcoholism, and abuse of tobacco products (Furstenburg and Kiernan). One important difference that separates the males from the females in terms of coping with divorce is that males have a higher tendency to develop behavioral problems leading to a destructive and disobedient lifestyle (Sun). Still, no matter what gender the suffering children are, it is very apparent that divorce has many different effects on the development and personality of the child who endures such pains.
As indicated by the statistics and evidence presented above, divorce is a rough aspect of life for not only the divorcing couple but the children of those parents as well. Although there are many trends that are very apparent in the statistics of affects divorce plays on children, there are not “overwhelming” trends apparent in the problems and situations causing the separation. Throughout studies that have been done on the causes and events leading up to a divorce there have been some minor similarities between divorcees. Among the common reasons for divorce are emotional and social problems but financial problems seem to have been the most often among the circumstances (Furstenburg and Keirnan). It is quite disappointing to observe such an outrageous statistic that a one-time “sacred” commitment can be devalued and diminished because of material and financial shortcomings.
Although it is common practice for a couple to remain married for the sake of the children, it has been noted that some parents make a decision to divorce for the betterment of the children. In some rare cases, parents will make a push towards divorce so that they can remove their children from the hostile environment created by their inability to live peacefully together (Wallerstein 39). The statement above shows the level and degree of sacrifice that a parent is willing to go through for the well being of his/her children. Among all the reasons that are often associated with the ailing of divorce, stress created outside the home that is brought home into family relations is the most commonly cited. Many parents find the everyday stress created at work, school, and in their non-family relationships to be to hard to handle and usually lead into allowing those stresses to leak into their close relationships (Wallerstein 303). As anyone can see, there are an endless amount of reasons why relationships do not work out and divorce is sought out as the last resort.
Now that we have identified some of the major causes and effects on divorce, focus should shift to solving the problem of divorce before it is ever created. It is a given fact that divorce causes pain in suffering in all the lives around it, so it is any engaged or married couple to make sure it is avoidable in all possible ways. It is impossible to prevent all cases of divorce because there will always be extreme situations that cannot be foreseen, but there are many ways a couple can take steps towards preventing the tragedy of divorce. Among the numerous ways that one can prevent divorce, counseling and seeking the advice of a third party is often a great tool for “grinding out” the differences couples tend to have (Wallerstein 309). Through organizations such as churches, schools, and local support groups a couple can seek out the aide of a counselor or mediator depending on the severity of their problem. A counselor can be a great tool for advice and support in a marriage while a mediator would be a great tool if the couple just needs a guide or referee for constructive arguments. Through the use of these tools and services parents can take the first steps towards building and maintaining a better relationship. If a couple does not have the audacity to seek out professional advice it is often a good idea to confide in someone that they feel is close enough to them that they will not be embarrassed to express themselves freely (Amato).
In cases were the onslaught of divorce is unavoidable the parents can also take many steps to ease the transition and separation for their children and family. Among the preparatory steps to a divorce the parents can regularly consult their children to get a sense of how they are taking the separation and any considerations the children would like them to think about. Along with getting feedback directly from the children’s perspective a parent should pay close attention to his/her child’s temperament and attitude towards social and family situations (Lengua et al). In the case of children who are coping with divorce after the separation has taken place, parents can also aid in the transition of the children into their new lifestyle. It is important to get a child that has just gone through a divorce into a normal everyday routine that is similar to the one before the divorce (Wallerstein 167). When a child suffers from divorce, it is vital that a parent find activities and distractions so that the child can begin to see the upside of a divorce and that not all negative comes from a divorce.
No matter what race, religion, class, or sex a person is, they have just as much chance of going through the rough and dreadful process of divorce. Divorce is an epidemic that is highly avoidable as well as a plague that has no boundaries. Divorce not only affects those directly involved with it, such as parents and children, but it can affect a person’s professional and social life as well. It is important to the well being of those involved in marriage as well as their offspring that all avenues of avoiding divorce are attempted or considered and when divorce is eminent that all parties seek advice and support to allow for an easier and smoother transition for the children as well as the parents. In all cases of divorce and separation, the well being of the children of the troubled couple should supercede all other considerations while exploring the many avenues of dealing with a relationship in jeopardy.
