The husband takes the hand of his wife and says ‘I hold your hand in the spirit of dharma we are both husband and wife.’ The couple then take the roasted rice and place it on the sacred fire.
The bride then mounts the stone; this is a symbol of her strength and will power to complete her duties the best she can so she can fulfil her dharma. The bride’s brothers distribute barley in to the couple’s hands, to be offered to the fire and to symbolize that they will all work equally together for the benefit of society. The husband marks the parting of his wife’s hair with red kum-kum powder for the first time. It is called soodar and is a sign of a married woman.
This is the most important rite of the entire ceremony. Here the bride and the bridegroom take seven steps together around the nuptial fire (Agni) and make the following seven promises to each other:
With God as their guide, they take:
the first step to nourish each other,
the second step to grow together in strength,
the third step to maintain their wealth,
the fourth step to share their pleasure and sadness,
the fifth step to nurture their children,
the sixth step to be together forever in good health,
the seventh step to remain lifetime friends.
After the seventh step he makes her remain where she is and says:
"With seven steps we become friends. Let me reach your friendship. Let me not be severed from your friendship. Let your friendship not be severed from me." During this the groom leads 4 steps and the bride leads 3 to show the groom has more authority over her. The Spatapadi ceremony concludes with a prayer that the union is unbreakable. At the end of this ceremony, the bridegroom and bride become husband and wife.
If the wedding is during daylight, the new couple look at the sun (Surya darshan) in order to be blessed, and if it is at night they look in the direction of the pole star as reflection of how their marriage should last very like how the polestar has stayed firm. This is an image of how the wife wants to be in her husband’s family, never changing secure for eternity.
The couple are blessed by the older relatives of each family and the priest to wish them a long precious married life.
After the service there will be a banquet of food to impress all the guests and to celebrate the joy of marriage. The bride will then enter the house of her husband’s family for the first time. While she is here she must kick over a metal pot containing wheat with her right foot so that the grain spilt over the entrance shows she will bring richness and success.
b) The family is introduced to each other after being welcomed at the bride’s house. This act of companionship enhances love and security within the family therefore guiding their married life in portraying this love inside their own, subsequently keeping hold of aims of life such as Kama and ahimsa, which are important aspects of being a Hindu. The unawareness of each others backgrounds before the wedding helps to understand more about their life. This also contributes towards understanding each other as a couple as they can relates to each others problems and be more appreciative of each other. The bonding of two families can also improve family life. They can rely and support one another when troubles occur, especially when the time comes for grandchildren as the extending family can help guide the children whilst babysitting for them. The fact that the bridegrooms family comes to the brides house has significance as she is seen with less authority and helps the family to become closer as they are sharing a home and what’s his become hers therefore deepening the act of love.
The welcoming drink is offered to the groom at an altar called a Mandap. The drink contains 3 key ingredients which show a key meaning to the marriage and should help guide them. Milk having come from a cow means that it is sacred very like marriage. This shows how marriage should be cared for as a gift and not wasted; a couple should therefore value their time together. The honey signifies purity and sweetness. In marriage this should be considered as the joy of marriage and should advise them to make the best of it and delight in each others company, very like the taste of honey is delightful. Yogurt is a natural ingredient very like marriage is seen to be a natural thing to want to do. Therefore every action should come from the heart to emphasize the natural aspect to marriage.
The daughter is given by her father to be joined with her husband. This gives instruction to the bride and the groom as how they should stand in their marriage. The husband should lovingly care and be responsible for his wife and the wife should understand he has more authority over her and she should honour him. The exchanging of names reminds them how they are still bound to each others family despite the renewal of their own. The husband makes promises of Dharma, artha and kama. This guides the husband in how he should contribute to the marriage and what he should fulfil according to his duty. His moral duty as the husband should be to protect his wife and honour her during this he is fulfilling the role of the father too and rules such as satya. Satya applies to both the bride and the groom as a whole. Truthfulness is extremely important to maintain the trust inside the relationship this is a way of guiding the couple that nothing should be kept from each other; by doing they are aware of each others concerns and become closer as a couple. The groom should also earn money in order to provide for his family this allows them not to struggle during marriage as they have enough enjoy the privileges of marriage like family holidays. This also guides him into working hard at his job so he can earn more money. Finally to ensure enjoyment, without this a marriage is worthless he should take this as his responsibility to bend over backwards to enable his wife to be happy this could include taking her out for dinner.
The exchanging of gifts is a symbolic way of how each family become bound to each other not just the husband and wife. To the husband and wife it guides how they must share all their possessions inside a marriage and how nothing belongs to one and not the other. The necklace is sign of beauty and reminds the husband how beautiful his wife is and how he should treasure her. The single cotton thread that ties the couple together at the rest signifies they are united in marriage. They each now are in another ashrama - stage of life this is called the Grihasta stage. This is sacred duty, which involves the ritual of marriage called Vivaha this relates to harmony. It involves a new set of duties that are a form of guidance as well. One duty is to provide hospitality to guests, by doing this the marriage will be successful as they contributing to their community and making friends leading to a more social couple. Giving to charity is another duty this not only makes the couple feel better about them but contributes to the nation as whole.
The priest recites sacred mantras in the Sanskrit. This involves God inside the marriage. This reminds the couple of the importance of focusing on spiritual values though married life and how they should help each other to do what is right in order to reach moksha.
The comment “I am the sun you are the earth” suggests they are dependant on each other and the wife has a greater dependence on her husband this demonstrates how they are united as one and guides them to keep their union strong. The wife leaning on the shoulder again is an image of loyalty to the husband and how she is reliant on him, this is part of her dharma.
The holding of the hand is a symbol of the husband’s protection towards his wife and through out all hard times he ought to stand by her as a sign of his promise. The offerings of toasted rice to the fire are a form of offering to God in hope that they will receive abundance and happiness inside their marriage this guides them in marriage to be thankful to God as an indication of being pure. The stepping on the stone represents the hard stuff in marriage and how they should try and overcome difficulties. This enables courage inside marriage, which sustains the love and devotion towards each other.
The touching of each others hearts and the blessings upon each other reinforce the spiritual and emotional growth of atman (heart and soul) that should happen in marriage. It enlightens them to not looks at the appearance of the individual during marriage but remember the beauty on the inside.
The seven steps have great significance to the marriage and having these steps are greatly important. The idea of marriage is to begin a family of their own hence “to nurture children”. The security formed at marriage is the perfect place to nurture a child this guides the parents in keeping this love for as long as they live so children remain safe and better off inside the protection of two married parents. They also become more appreciative of each other because they share the experience of sex and the joy of a child produced by their own means.
The clothing worn during the marriage by the bride and groom is suggestion to each others identity inside the marriage. The bride is ideally encouraged to wear red as a sign of beauty and the sexual chakra. This chakra is a symbol of sexual desire and passion this desire needs to be alive in marriage to revive the affection towards each other. The men usually wear white as a sign of the crown chakra of knowledge. The groom is the accountable to make wise decisions and help educate the children, this leads to a successful family life.
The polestar and the sun are constant they are always there. This guides the couple into understanding that’s how they should remain together for as long as they live. The blessing at the end of the service by the elders of the two families and the priest are there to wish them a long and happy marriage it’s a way of giving the mind nourishment like food is to the body, blessings are to the mind.
c) Overall I believe Hindu beliefs do influence the marriage service greatly however I’m unsure of how beneficial they are to the world today, on the other hand having understood them in detail I believe they are beneficial to the world today if some are followed accordingly. Sauca has a great influence on the marriage it signifies purity, which we gather many things used in marriage like sacred food such as yogurt and sacred material like cotton are pure. These are natural ingredients therefore are pure however I’m unsure whether this has any influence on society today, it suggests we should be pure in the mind and body. Therefore if we kept our mind pure by not thinking bad thoughts of people or the environment the world should benefit. So yes this does work this could lead to less wars as less people are sharing their bad opinion on people. There would be less crime, things like murder wouldn’t happen as much because if you were pure you wouldn’t feel the need to kill someone. Also we would be respectful of the environment so we wouldn’t be wasting land for landfill sites and burning down rain forests for fertile farm growth, consequently the world word benefit.
I personally believe Varna does not help the world but cause division. Varna involves the caste system that contains four castes these are places in society, untouchables however are not even parts of the caste system and considered dirty. Varna does influence marriage, because you are meant to marry someone from your own caste and when a marriage happens each person is considered equal (exchanging of gifts, silk cloth) inside the marriage, but if they were in 2 different castes systems they would not be equal. Therefore if everyone marries someone in their caste then the castes will stay divided and the world will not be connected. However if people were to marry people in different castes I believe they would merge together and we would all be equal and one happy family. In fact I believe the caste system destroys equality and does not help the world if it was followed because the rich would stay rich and the poor would stay poor.
One of the promises the groom has to make is Kama - enjoyment. I believe this would benefit greatly to the world. Reason being if we were to enjoy marriage by means of appreciating each other I think there would be far less divorces. Divorces cause pain through emotions and can disturb the life of a child having to live with separated parents. Therefore I believe the world benefits through the belief of kama.
Honesty is greatly important to the world and is strongly encouraged to keep hold of in marriage to succeed a better marriage. The vows are a promise therefore to be truthful they must be kept, to honour someone like your husband being true to them is vital. If the world was full of honesty today we would be far better off. There would be far less crime as people would own up to it, resulting in a far less likelihood to commit a crime. People would be happier through no lies and the respect for each other through that. Overall the world would be a better place
It is part of a wife’s duty (dharma) to honour her husband. This is influenced in marriage through leaning on the grooms shoulder. It shows she is dependant on him and he has authority over her. I believe this is wrong. Again I stand by the fact men and women are equal and equally dependant on each other and that the Hindu wedding service introduces a patriarchal approach to the world today. If one had a higher status than the other if could cause unemployment through jobs as they would prefer the higher gender. It would cause arguments in families. In politics you would not be able to hear ones point of view as it would not be valid. In marriage it would increase quality if they both were equal and each did jobs around the home instead of putting strain on one person to do it all the time, this is why it is relevant to the world.
Marriage as a whole has the soul input of love (prema). Verbal statements present this “May we love and admire one another” and actions show this such as “exchanging of gifts”. I believe love comes into every aspect of life as a benefit. The caring of nature helps towards preserving animals and plants that are currently going extinct. The appreciation of each other enables people to love at harmony with one another helping them with their lifestyles instead of leaving them to struggle. The ability to love the poor guide’s people to provide for them in what ever they have. Finally the gift to love what you acquire helps people to be content with what they have and the desire to have more. As a result making the world a happier place.
By Natasha Godfrey USG
