- adultery
- cruelty
- religious conversion
- mental disease
- desertion for 2 years.
A woman can seek divorce if the husband is found guilty of rape. When regarding children it is left to the courts discretion as there is no out right law.
For fear of public humiliation many couples live together even though there is much dislike between them.
Hinduism – Chastity, Celibacy and Contraception
In Hinduism many believe that a girl should be chaste before marriage. If it is known that the girl is not then she is looked down upon and most boys would refuse the marriage. So in many cases the family of the daughter hide the fact for fear of public humiliation and damage to the family’s name. In many cases to avoid any of these incidents it is quite common for girls to be married in their teens to be sure that they have no sexual relations before the wedding day.
Until recently birth control was unacceptable as children born in India had a high chance of dying in infancy, and adults needed a work force because they couldn’t afford to pay for help. The scriptures of Hinduism encouraged people not to limit the size of the family. As a matter of fact more people worried about not having a child.
But as times move on, the Indian government encourage people to limit their families to a max of 3 children and as a religion Hinduism doe not whole heartedly object to this policy. While many obey this policy, those couples who have daughters and have no sons many keep on having children until one is a boy.
When people do not use contraception it is usually because they are illiterate and uneducated and so they do not understand what is available to them.
This problem is particularly obvious in the poorer areas. To tackle this, the government sends in health workers to teach people about how to buy and use contraceptives.
Hinduism - The Roles of Men and Women
Traditionally, Men have been the superior sex which led the Hindu society. While women have had less influence. However, in modern times women have had more freedom. Especially those in the west. But women still living in India’s villages are still at a great disadvantage regarding power and influence. Everyone has a sacred duty to follow, and the duty for a man id different to that of a woman, according to Hinduisms sacred writings.
Usually a woman is financially supported by her father until she is married. Therefore girls are considered a burden and their births are less welcome than that of a boy. In many cases boys are given more education than that of a girl because he is expected to support his own family and then his parents during their old age.
The God Rama and his wife Sita are the ideal role models for marriage as Sita gave up the luxuries of the palace to look after her husband, Rama, after he was banished from his kingdom.
This is why in India, women stay at home after marriage to look after her mother-in-law, and then when the time comes she has to look after her children.
While Hindu men have many important family duties to fulfil. The sons of the family are responsible for duties at their parent’s funerals. As husbands, they have a duty to support the family and to be faithful to his wife.
Occasionally, Hindu men sometimes perform household tasks, but these are seen as women’s duties.
Islam – Beliefs
Islam is the world’s second largest religion with 1,902,095,000 followers.
Marriage is viewed as the second most important asset after faith, and when looking for a partner, The groom is encouraged to look for a person's and character rather than be taken in by beauty, wealth or social standing, as these may not last. It is also normal for the parent’s of the boy to only show him Muslim girls as it could cause problems in the future such as children, holidays and the future. Premarital sex is forbidden and so is cohabiting, 'trial marriages' and 'temporary unions'; these are not regarded as family in the Islamic sense. Marriage is intended to provide a secure basis to build family life on. Muslim marriages are usually arranged in the sense that the couple are introduced through friends or family, but they are not forced marriages: the consent lies wholly on the individuals whether they feel attracted or suited to each other or not.
Islam – Wedding Ceremonies and Symbols
The Islamic wedding ceremony despite its local and regional variations, like many other rituals in Pakistan. Though the concepts and theory of the marriage have changed drastically by Quran and Islamic traditions, the actual ceremonies have remained more or less the same.
For Muslims marriage is an event, which must be celebrated not quietly but with glory and distinction. It is the most conspicuous of all the occasions and is celebrated in the presence of a fairly large assembly. In the past the parents and older members of the family arranged almost all marriages. This is still the case in rural areas and with traditional families. Modern couples however, choose their own partner but their parents’ consent is still very important and is considered by both sides. Even with modern Muslims, after the couple have decided themselves, it is normally the grooms’ parents or other relatives who take the initiative and formally ask for the bride and her family’s consent. Once this is done then the marriage will be announced. Traditionally, both the bride and the bridegroom dressed in white with garlands of flower on their necks. The colour white is a symbol of purity, innocence and faithfulness. Today most modern Muslims follow the European dress code and style.
Once the groom and his family express their desire for the union, they go to the brides’ home with flowers, sweets and sometimes-gold coins or jewellery and ask for her hand. If accepted more presents will follow. The couple becomes engaged in a reasonably lavish party. Rings are exchanged; the engagement rings are simple, mainly gold with no stones. While the wedding ring presented to the bride will be lavish expensive with precious stones. The engagement ring is sent to the bride’s house with female relatives of the groom. A few days before the actual ceremony again more presents are taken to the bride’s house. Men dressed up in festive costumes would carry the presents in elaborately decorated large flat containers on their heads. Many of these customs are still followed by the more traditional families and in the provinces. The modern Muslims normally by pass some stages like sending the ring through relatives. However ceremonial objects are still present.
The grooms’ family is expected to pay for all expenses and if they can not, they will be looked down at. The higher the status and social standing of the bride, the more lavish will be the banquets and the presents, especially the jewellery.
All financial details are sorted out before marriage and the couple’s parents, mainly fathers, will carry out negotiations. With prosperous families the issue is settled rather quickly. However families with not enough means may drag the negotiations for a while bargaining about how much should be paid and what should be included in the marriage contract.
In 19th century Islamic pre marriage arrangements were very extensive. The couples were not allowed to see each other at all before the wedding night. Therefore a number of unofficial arrangements were made for the groom to see the future bride accidentally or watching from behind doors or curtains. Pre-nuptial agreements could take a long time. Once an agreement was reached then the guests would be served with sweets but not beforehand. In a few days the bride would receive an engagement ring and a shawl. Then the female relatives on both sides would visit the bride, and one of groom’s relatives other than his mother placed the ring in bride’s hand and the shawl on her back. There would be dancing. Segregation of sexes due to religious codes of behaviour was observed.
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Modern Muslims place sweets and candies in small satin hanker kerchiefs or lace for the guests to take home. One such account is mentioned at the marriage of the daughter of the famous Barmakid Minister Jafar at the court of Abasid Caliphs. In this account special little wax balls were filled with coins or names of slaves or even title to properties. The couple was showered with these and people who got the balls would claim their presents later on.
Three days before the actual wedding the bride would be taken to female beauticians or was visited by them at home for the ritual of removing body hair. A significant rite of passage this marked the passage from girlhood to womanhood. Unmarried women would not remove their body hair or pluck their eyebrows, the most visible sign that a woman was married.
This was done three days before to make sure any allergic reaction and redness of face and body parts would be healed by wedding day. Facial hair, all hair from under arms, legs even stomach and back hair were removed by using special threads that once moved in certain fashion would remove the hair right from the root. This is still practiced by traditional families and in the rural areas. In recent times with the more traditional parents moving to the western countries shaving legs and plucking eyebrows has become a source of conflict with their teenage girls. For the teenagers these are part of beautifying process common in modern societies, while for their parents this is an obvious indication of becoming a woman without being married.
A very important part of the pre wedding activities is dowry preparation by the bride’s family. Till very recently the girls were expected to prepare many of the items themselves. They were required to weave fabrics, prepare cloths and many in the poor families would weave carpets and rugs long before there was any talk of marriage. The tradition is very ancient. Today dowry preparation is still practiced by almost all families. The bride’s family will buy household items for the dowry. The higher the social status the more elaborate will be the dowry and it could include properties as well. The very modern professional couples with means do not follow this tradition. On the whole this is still very important and is practiced by the majority and at times it becomes a source of major conflict between the two families.
There were and are two stages to a marriage. Most often both take place on the same day, but occasionally there could be some time between the two. In the past when marriage age was very low, there might have been a few years between the two to allow the girl to grow up. The first is called ‘Aghed’ meaning knot. This is when the legal process takes place, both the parties and their guardian’s sign a marriage contract and a bride price or ‘mahr’ is set to guarantee the financial well being of the bride. The mahr is agreed on beforehand and at this time previously prepared documents will be signed. The second stage is the actual feasts and the celebrations, which traditionally lasts from 3 to 7 days.
The ceremony takes place in a specially decorated room with flowers and a beautiful and elaborately decorated spread on the floor i.e. ‘Sofreh Aghed’ and traditionally it faced the direction of sunrise. By custom the aghed would normally take place at the bride’s home or her close relatives and always during the day. The bridegroom is the first to take his seat in the room and the bride comes afterwards. The groom always sits on the right hand side of the bride.
This part of the ceremony consists of preliminary blessings, questions to the witnesses, guardians, the marrying couple and finally the ceremony is solemnized by reciting verses from Quran or other holy books and signing of a legal marriage contract. The contract can contain clauses to protect the bride against polygamy, unconditional divorce rights by the husband, property rights etc. Normally all these details are worked out beforehand.
After the blessings and a few words about the importance of the institution of marriage the priest confirms with both the parents or guardians that they indeed wish to proceed with the ceremony and there are no objections. Then the priest asks the mutual consent of the couple.
First the bridegroom is asked if he wishes to enter into the marriage contract, then the bride is asked the same question. Once the bride is asked if she agrees to the marriage, she pauses and remains silent. The question is repeated three times and it is only at the last time that she will say yes. To make the bridegroom wait for the bride’s answer is to signify that it is the husband who seeks the wife and is anxious to have her and not the other way around. With the very rich each time the bride is asked the question the groom’s mother or sister would place a gold coin or a piece of Jewellery in her hand symbolically encouraging her to say yes. During the service female relatives of the couple (mainly the bride) hold over the couple’s head a fine scarf or other delicate fabrics like silk.
Once the bride has said yes to the proposal, verses from holy books are read. Documents are signed, the amount of mahr (bride price) is entered in the legal document, which is signed by the couple and the witnesses, and the two are announced man and wife. The practice of setting up a bride price is becoming a ceremonial one for most modern couples. Most will settle for a holy book, a gold coin and some flowers mainly roses. However mahr should be included in the marriage document be it symbolic or not. Once this is over, the couple hold their right hands together, drink a sweet liquid or taste some honey for a better and sweeter life.
At this time the bride and groom exchange wedding rings. When the two leave the room, they are showered with coins, flowers, rice and sweet candy. This item is present in all Muslims festivities and it is believed to bring sweetness into life and is regarded as blessed (barakat). Showering the couple with the above items is called shabash and varies from one place to the other. The guests would eat the noghl and take the coins home for good luck. With rich families real gold coins will be used but most will use specially minted fake coins with the word shabash or mobarak (congratulation) engraved on the coins.
After the ceremony, there are lavish feasts, dancing, music and entertainers. There will be more parties given by close relatives and friends for the next few weeks. They are to introduce the two newly related families to each other. Traditionally at the end of the wedding ceremony the bride would be taken to her new residence, either their own home, or if they can afford it then they go to her parent in laws. In the past horsemen and carriages were used with songs, clapping and other merry making gestures. Today several cars will follow the couples’ decorated vehicle.
Honeymoon is a new concept and still most couples in rural areas and smaller cities are not familiar with this occasion. The newly wed would simply spend a night or two together and till recently a stained handkerchief was used as evidence to ascertain bride’s virginity in remoter areas and villages. Where segregation of sexes is observed males and females gather at different rooms or outdoor gardens totally separated from each other. Alcohol is not served with restrict Muslims while with the more modern Muslims whisky beer and vodka are a must amongst other beverages. Guests would be served tea, fruits, non-alcoholic drinks, nuts, raisins and other dried fruits with all kinds of pastry and baked goods. In the past it was considered good luck to take back some of these but most modern Muslims do not practice this any more.
The marriage ceremony marks the most significant ritual for all Muslims especially the women. The wedding feast is the most elaborate in the couples’ life. A few dishes are always present and the rest varies with the locality and the budget. Sweet rice is always prepared. All modern Muslims use wedding cakes this tradition is borrowed from the Europeans. The rest of the evening will be spent dancing, feasting and having a good time.
Islam – Divorce
Islam allows divorce if circumstances warrant or necessitate it. Islam has permitted divorce reluctantly, neither liking nor recommending it. The Prophet of Islam has said:
"Among lawful things, divorce is most disliked by Allah" (narrated in the book of tradition of Abu Daud).
Islam has not made it necessary that the grounds of divorce should be publicized. It, however; does not mean that Islam views divorce lightly. In fact, publicity of grounds may not be of any positive consequence. The grounds may not be pronounced but genuine. On the other hand, the grounds may be stated and may in reality be false. Islam does not also want washing dirty linen of private affairs in public or in the court except in exceptional circumstances. It is for this reason that court comes in as a last resort in the Islamic scheme of separation of husband and wife.
The Quran states as regards grounds of divorce in very general terms:
"And if you fear that the two (i.e husband and wife) may not be able to keep the limits ordered by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she redeems herself (from the marriage tie) "
(2 : 229).
The general ground of divorce in the Quran, therefore, is hopeless failure of one or both parties to discharge their marital duties and to consort with each other in kindness, peace and compassion
If after the first divorce the husband is reconciled with his wife but the hostility and conflict begins all over again, he may divorce her a second time. If however, after second reconciliation, he divorces the wife the third time, he can not take back the wife. She is totally prohibited for him. The lady, thereafter can marry any person she likes according to her choice. (Ref: The Lawful and the prohibited in Islam)
The wife can divorce her husband if this condition is stipulated in the marriage contract. This kind of divorce is called ‘Delegated Divorce’ (Talaq Taffiz). Marriage can also be dissolved through mutual consent. This is called Khula in the technical language of Islamic law. Marriage can also be dissolved by judicial process through the court on complaint of the wife.
In case of divorce, the young children remain in the custody of their divorced mother. However, the father has to provide the cost of maintenance of young children though they remain under the custody of mother
Islamic law of divorce is based on practical considerations. The process of separation is basically a matter of husband and wife. However; when conflict arises, attempts should be made for reconciliation
Islam - Chastity, Celibacy and Contraception
Islam teaches that Allah made the world and all its belongings. Therefore life is a gift. So Muslims a new born child is never an accident as it is Allah’s gift. And so because of t his view contraception is not welcome. But under certain circumstances that would regard the mothers or baby’s health or whether or not it be properly looked after then it would be allowed.
For Muslims sexual intercourse is an act of worship that fulfils emotional need and as well as being the means of procreation. Sexual activity outside of marriage is forbidden and so men are forbidden to be alone with women except their wives just in case they do not resist the temptation.
Islam - The Roles of Men and Women
‘’O Mankind, keep your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate (of same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women" (Quran 4: 1).
The Quran provides clear-cut evidence that a woman is completely equated with man in the sight of God in terms of her rights and responsibilities.
Many Muslims have adopted the Judeo-Christian ethic which views women as the source of human tragedy because of her alleged biblical role as the temptress who seduced Adam into disobedience to his Lord. By tempting her husband to eat the forbidden fruit, she not only defied Allah, but also caused humankind's expulsion from Paradise, thus instigating all temporal human suffering.
Woman, according to the Quran, is not blamed for Adam's first mistake. Both were jointly wrong in their disobedience to Allah, both repented, and both were forgiven
The woman in Islamic law is equal to her male counterpart. She is as liable for her actions as a male is liable. Her testimony is demanded and valid in court. Her opinions are sought and acted upon.
A woman is given the role of a mother; a role that Islam gives the highest respect to after Allah. People who disobey their mothers are held in God’s eyes as the worst type of sinners.
According to Islam the responsibilities of a woman are equal to those of a man but they complement each other and should not be competitive. However the final decision should always be taken by the husband if he supports the family if the women rear and bear children
Bibliography
This brochure would not be possible without these sources. So many thanks to:-
Kingfisher: Religion and Science
School Book : Religion and Relationships
Glossary
Monogamy: - settling for one person
Secular: - not religious
Compatibility:- getting on with each other.
Stigma; - shame
Celibacy: - religious annotations
Chastity: - sexual purity
Dharma: - religious duty
Suttee: - suicide
Contemplative: - think about life
Talaq Taffiz: - delegated divorce
Barakat: - blessed
Shabash: - Congratulations
Mubarak: - Congratulations
Noghl :- sweets
Conclusion
Altogether, Hinduism and Islam have many differences and similarities between them.
Similarities
- Both religions go against sex before marriage
- Both religions disapprove of contraception
- Both religions take vows on the marriage day
- The groom gives a ring or something of value to the bride on the wedding day
- Both religions disapprove of divorce.
- But both religions believe divorce can be done in certain cases.
- Both religions believe that no-one should stay chaste
- Both religions believe men have more right to divorce than women
Differences
- Islam states that women and men have equal rights
- Hinduism treats women as the ‘weaker’ sex.
As you can see there are many differences, but even more similarities. These similarities are mainly to do with equal rights and the perception of superior sex.
