Marriage and relationships, a religious view.

GCSE Religious Studies (Philosophy & Ethics)

MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS

In the beginning:

∙ This passage emphasises that male and female were made in the image and likeness of God. Many people are confused by what is meant by the term “image and likeness of God.” It does not mean that they look physically like God, as God has no physical appearance. It means that we have certain personal characteristics of God, which we take to include intelligence and reason, free will, the ability to love and to act and to judge according to moral standards. These are the characteristics that separate human beings from animals.

∙ The book of Genesis continues with another creation myth. In this God decides that man needs a helper and a soul-mate. So God makes ‘woman’ from a man’s body – one of his ribs. Man is delighted with the result.

∙ “This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh from my flesh! This is to be called woman, for this was taken from man.” Genesis 2:23.

∙ The writer of this account then adds the significant comment:

∙ “this is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.

∙ The implication is that marriage has been with the human race since the beginning. The phrase that the man and woman leave their respective families and together become ‘one body’ includes two important ideas about marriage:

1. Sexual union is basic to a marriage
2. Through marriage two people become a single living, thinking and feeling unit.

Fornication:

∙ Fornication is a broad term for any morally unacceptable sexual behaviour engaged in voluntarily. Note that Paul (in the above reading) sees Christians as people who have let the Holy Spirit into their hearts, making them into temples of the Holy Spirit. Every Christian is a scared place and must behave accordingly. For Paul this meant that Christians cannot their bodies are their own property to do as they please with, as they have entered into a commitment with God. They have given themselves to God. Only the highest standard of sexual behaviour should suffice for Christians.

∙ We cab see now the difference between Christians and Humanists, people who believe that religion has nothing to do with morality and that morality is based on human beings alone. Humanists would say that moral laws are about respecting the freedom and rights of others, but that consenting adults can do as they please with their bodies, which are their own to dispose of. Christians would agree with Humanists about respecting freedom and rights, but would argue that they do not own their own bodies and owe God a responsibility as to what they do with them, they cannot do what they wish with their bodies, but must obey God’s commands.

Christian Teaching on Sex:

∙ Many people in a sexual relationship believe that they are acting responsibly, even though they are not married. In certain situations there are some Christians who agree with them. What matters, they argue, is the quality of the relationship between two people, not whether they are actually married. If they love each other, and intend to set up a home together, then sexual intercourse is perfectly acceptable.

∙ The Christian Church as a whole, however, is firmly on the side of those who argue that the only real suitable place for sexual intercourse is within marriage. It makes the following points:

1. Sex is a God-given activity which demands total commitment and trust if it is to be really meaningful. For this to happen, both partners must feel totally secure and such security can only be found within a marriage.

2. Sex should never be used by a person simply to satisfy their own lust (sexual desires). That ...

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∙ The Christian Church as a whole, however, is firmly on the side of those who argue that the only real suitable place for sexual intercourse is within marriage. It makes the following points:

1. Sex is a God-given activity which demands total commitment and trust if it is to be really meaningful. For this to happen, both partners must feel totally secure and such security can only be found within a marriage.

2. Sex should never be used by a person simply to satisfy their own lust (sexual desires). That is a denial of all that is good and pure about sex. Misused, sex can become the most selfish of activities. Too often in sex outside of marriage, the most important elements are missing.

3. Sexual intercourse is so special that, in the New Testament, it is linked to the relationship between Christ and the Church. Roman Catholics, in particular, would point out that sex is very special because it is the God-given means of creating new life.

4. Sex is the most beautiful expression of a growing and life-long relationship between two people. Again, this can only take place between two people who are married to each other.

Purpose:

A simple summary of the meaning and purpose of marriage can be stated as follows:

Procreation – men and women were created to have children

Union – a loving partnership of living together

Rearing children – channel for nurture and security

Pattern of society – family unit of mutual support

One flesh – sexual intimacy as an expression of love

Sacred – blessed by God

Endless – lifelong faithful relationship

Therefore, sex before marriage is wrong because it lacks those things necessary for true love and its shows an irresponsible attitude to any children that might result.

Roman Catholic View of Marriage:

∙ Marriage is a sacrament in which a baptised man and woman vow to belong to each other in a permanent, exclusive, sexual partnership of loving mutual care: concern and shared responsibility in the hope of having children and bringing up a family.

∙ A sacrament is a religious ritual by which Christians can know God better. Marriage is one of the seven sacraments accepted by the Orthodox and Catholic traditions.

∙ Marriage is to unite two Christian people before God.

∙ Wife and husband help and support one another. The marriage relationship is as much about giving as taking.

∙ Love and sexual intercourse are important parts of the partnership.

∙ The couple are expected to have children.

∙ Sexual intercourse outside of marriage (adultery) is not permitted. Do not commit adultery is the seventh of the Ten Commandments.

∙ Marriage is for life.

∙ People should only have one wife or one husband. This is called monogamy.

SEX = Love and Life

(unitive) (Procreative)

∙ Marriage is a vocation – a calling from God. It is part of the very nature of men and women. It is not simply a human institution. Its very origin belongs to the plan of God. God made the love between a man and a woman an image picture of the love that God has for the human race. St. Paul likened marriage to the devotion of Christ to his Church when Christ gave himself for it (St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 5:25-31).

∙ Yet, as everyone knows, there are deep internal problems in many marriages. Often, these problems lead to the breakdown of the marriage. This does not mean, however, that there is something wrong with the institution of marriage. Rather, such problems reflect the basic sinfulness of human nature and can only be conquered with God’s help.

More Biblical Passages:

∙ Extra marital sex is usually called adultery. The Ten Commandments state that people must not commit adultery. Jesus taught that not only is adultery wrong, but also to look at someone lustfully is wrong. Jesus is warning that lustful thoughts are the motive behind adultery. He is trying to stop people from following a course of action that could lead them to sin. People might have to take painful steps to stop something worse happening to them!

∙ St Paul believes that the husband is the head of the household, just as Jesus is the head of the Church. A woman must abide by her husbands’ instructions. This may seem very sexist in the 21st century. But remember that St Paul was writing when views about women were very different from what they are now. Paul clearly believes that men and women were equal but that they had different roles or jobs to do. For example, a teacher must follow the instructions of a head teacher but they are both equal in terms of their rights and moral status. Also Paul’s teachings that a husband must care for and love his wife is quite radical for someone writing in the 1st century! Paul was teaching that marriage is for life. When a couple marry and have sexual intercourse they become “one flesh”. The marriage ends when one of the partners dies. This is seen in the vows or promises made in the marriage ceremony.

Marriage Vows:

∙ “I (name) take you, to be my wife; to have and to hold; from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part.”

∙ In all circumstances of life:

∙ Faithfulness, fidelity – joy of bodily union – giving selves to each other

∙ For all of life, not just till fed up with each other!

∙ Whatever happens to the couple – financial disaster or winning the lottery, even if one is seriously ill, will stick by each other and cope together, and also enjoy each other’s company

∙ The vows are solemn and binding promises made before God, who will help the couple to keep the vows that they make to each other.

Christian Teachings on Divorce:

∙ The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates (to cancel) the accommodation that had slipped into the Old Law. Between the baptised, a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.

(Catechism of the Catholic Church)

∙ This Synod believes that marriage should always be undertaken as a lifelong commitment; this Synod considers that there are circumstances in which a divorced person may be married in the Church during the lifetime of a former partner.

(General Synod of the Church of England 1981)

∙ For those who have taken their vows before God as Christians, there is no divorce. But most Baptists should acknowledge that human beings can make mistakes and what appeared at the time as a life-long relationship may eventually break down. In this case would it not be better to confess failure and in true repentance acknowledge their guilt and ask for forgiveness?

(Statement of the Baptist Church in What the Churches say on Moral Issues)

∙ Most non-Roman Catholic Churches allow remarriage of divorced people, but they usually require them to talk to the minister about why their first marriage failed; they are sometimes asked to show repentance for the failure and they are required that this time their marriage will be for life.

∙ The Roman Catholic Church does not allow divorce, but does allow annulment

∙ Annulment is a declaration that the marriage was never a true marriage and so the partners are free to remarry if:

1. One partner was forced into the marriage
2. One partner suffered from mental problems at the time of the marriage
3. One partner did not intend to keep the marriage vows
4. One of the partners was not baptised at the time of the marriage

∙ Now there are too many annulments for the Pope alone to consider so each Diocese has a Marriage Tribunal to decide on applications for annulment

∙ Many Christians do not approve of divorce; the believe that you cannot take life-long vows twice and that Jesus banned divorce

∙ Others claim that Jesus allowed divorce in Matthew 19:9, and that as Christians are allowed forgiveness and a new chance for sins they confess to, so they should have another chance at marriage as long as they are determined to make it work this time.

∙ Divorce is forbidden in some Christian traditions. The Catholic Church, for example, teaches that marriage is a sacrament – that is – something made by God. No human agent has the right or the power to unmake something made by God. A divorce decree is as meaningless then as saying ‘I was never born’; the couple were joined by God and nothing can unjoin them except death. Churches that do not allow divorce train priests and counselors to support couples whose marriages are failing.

∙ Some Christian traditions do allow divorce. They see marriage as a contract or a covenant. It ought not to be broken but it can be, and provision must be made for this. Jesus said that divorce was allowed, but only because the hardness of people’s hearts made it inevitable that some marriages would not work.

Remarriage:

∙ Some Churches allow divorcees to remarry in Church, others do not. The Church of Scotland, for instance, remarries divorced people if the minister is convinced of their sincere commitment to the new relationship. Remarriage is seen as a sign of God’s forgiveness and willingness to give people a new start.

Remarriage in Church?

∙ Different traditions see remarriage of divorced people in the Church differently:

∙ The Roman Catholic Church will not allow remarriage because it does not accept divorce. The marriage vows are made for life and therefore even a civil, legal divorce is not recognised. Marriage is a sacrament and cannot be broken, so obviously there cannot be remarriage. A marriage may be annulled (a Bishop agrees that a marriage never really took place in the start) but that is difficult and rare.

∙ The Church of England rarely allows remarriage, although it does see civil divorces as valid and will bless a couple after a service in a Register Office. After a long debate by the General Synod, remarriage is now occasionally allowed, at the discretion of the minister, but permission from a Bishop cannot be given.

∙ Other Protestant Churches will sometimes remarry people, although usually only those who attend their Church regularly. Some ministers believe that it is more compassionate to give people a second chance and so they will remarry anyone.

∙ The Orthodox Church believes that the Church has the authority to grant divorces, as it is the Church that marries the couple. Sometimes there is a special service. Remarriage is allowed in Church, but it is not as lively a service as a first marriage ceremony.