Amy Haizlip

October 3, 2001

Cause and Effect

English 1002

The Detriment of Divorce

The reasons for divorce are many.  Some of these reasons are very obvious, while other reasons are not so clear.  No matter what the reasons, the effects are rarely good for anyone involved.  Not only are there tremendous emotional stresses on the adults, but there are usually financial issues as well.  In addition, the smallest, but in reality the biggest, victims of the tragedy of divorce are the children.

Divorce is often an avenue taken in response to abuse, infidelity, loss of a child, difference of priorities,  lack of communication, or unwillingness to compromise.  In the case of abuse, there is no question that the abused spouse or child should leave or be taken away from the abuser.  Some people would say the same for infidelity.  The spouse who has committed the transgression should be removed from the equation.  The loss of a child will often pull a couple apart.  It is very difficult for the parents not to blame each other for the loss, no matter the true circumstances.  Losing a child is a time when Mom and Dad should be leaning on one another for love and support in order to progress in life.   The loss of a child is a pain that never goes away, and an already shaky marriage is very likely to deteriorate completely.

Besides, to “not get divorced” takes a lot of work on the part of both spouses.  If both spouses don’t take responsibility for the marriage, then a lot of divorces occur for reasons that are not overt.  These reasons seem invalid because they are not irreparable.  In other words, if the couple is willing to work at their marriage and bend  a little in order to meet each other half way, then their marriage can be saved.  The most difficult of this kind of problem is a difference of priorities.  This is so unavoidable between men and women.  Each gender is very different from the other.  It isn’t that one is right and the other wrong, they are just very different and this inevitably leads to different though processes and ultimately different priorities.  As long as the top five priorities are similar, whether in the same order or not, then problems are less likely to occur.  A lack of communication is a huge cause of marital problems, but very able to be overcome as long as both parties work at it.  Being stubborn will not fix a marriage.

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While there are thousands of reasons for people to get divorced, good or bad, they all produce the same basic results.  The emotional struggle of a person going through a divorce is immense.  People often think that the spouse who initiated the divorce just sails through unscathed.  This is simply not true.  No matter which spouse initiates the divorce, both will suffer plenty of  emotional distress and turmoil.  Emotions will range from guilt and anguish to rage and relief.  Both spouses will suffer this wide range of emotion, but most eventually learn to deal with it or even accept it ...

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