“…for better for worse…” When two people join together in marriage, they are committing themselves to keeping faithful to the promises made in the sacrament at all times. This includes the more difficult times, such as financial problems, redundancy, family problems, a bereavement or other various pressures and troubles which may put a strain on a couple’s relationship. Being married commits a person to remain devoted to them when times are good, and when times are hard.
“…for richer for poorer…” This part does not simply refer to financial problems, but to the quality (richness) of the relationship between the couple. The essence of a relationship is how much a person enjoys being with the other, how comfortable they are with each other, the amount of time they spend together and how much the two people have in common and can do together. Naturally, a marriage cannot be of the highest quality all of the time in terms of the nature of the time you spend together (or apart). This promise therefore includes times when a partner may be away for some time, or when an argument between the couple takes place. Being committed in marriage means that the couple must remain faithful to the sacrament in happy (richer) times, and in harder (poorer) times.
“… in sickness and in health…” In committing to a marriage, the couple take full responsibility for one another’s welfare and happiness. This means that no matter what the situation is, the couple must remain faithful to each other, and to the responsibility they are undertaking. There will be times when a partner is ill due to a cold, or virus, or is perhaps injured in an accident. This may also lead to illnesses that are more serious or even disability, all of which the other partner must be prepared to deal with and remain faithful to the sacraments. However during a person’s life, events may take place, which seriously damage a person’s mind or body. This includes very serious accidents, where the person may be almost completely paralysed and therefore entirely dependant on a carer (their spouse), and also when a person contracts a disease such as Alzheimer’s, or Parkinson’s, which mean the person cannot look after themselves. The marriage vow requires a husband or wife to put their spouse’s welfare before their own, thus committing themselves to caring for a person even when they are completely dependant on them, or are terminally ill. That person may not be able to speak, eat by themselves, dress themselves, or even communicate, and yet their spouse must be prepared to look after them. That is a huge responsibility.
“…to love and cherish…” To ‘cherish’ is to love, protect and nurture. When two people marry, this part refers to the promise they make to look after their husband or wife, and show them their complete love and devotion. This helps their partner to feel happy and special, because someone loves them so much. This section helps the couple understand how much the other partner loves them, and how they will protect and help them to advance their capacity to love and to be happy. When a partner cherishes their spouse, they help them to grow and be a better person.
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it. (Ephesians 5: 28-29)
This part of the New Testament shows how a husband and wife should love one another as they love themselves, and in turn, they will receive ‘feed and care’ from each other.
“…until death parts us.” This final part of the marriage vow wraps up the whole of the promises made. It means that a marriage is to last for a lifetime. All of the things said previously must all remain that way for a lifetime, because that is the sort of commitment marriage is. The Catholic Church teaches that only when one partner dies does a marriage end. Marriage is sacred – a gift from God, and therefore can only be ended by God. Divorce can only end the legal aspects of a marriage, where in the eyes of the law, the couple are no longer married. In God’s eye however, any marriage lasts until one of the partners dies.
I have now explained what each part of the Marriage Vow demands from a Catholic Couple, and to complete the second part of this coursework, I will describe and explain the teaching of the Catholic Church on three areas - Sex outside of marriage, Responsible parenthood and Divorce.
Sex outside of Marriage.
The Catholic Church teaches that sexual intercourse has two purposes. Firstly, sex is intended to deepen the loving relationship between a couple committed to each other, which is known as ‘concupiscence’. (“Concupiscence” means “enjoyment”). Secondly, sex is for the procreation of human life. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says this:
“The married couple forms the intimate partnership of life and love established by the creator and governed by his laws”
This quote tells us that only a married couple can have the most intimate partnership (sex) which is for the creation of life (to have children) and love (enjoyment and deepening a husband and wife’s love for one another), It was made and given to them by the ‘creator’ (God), and it must be carried out under his rules.
It is therefore, regarded by the Catholic Church that sex between an unmarried couple is wrong.
Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed should be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13: 4)
The Church believes that for Sex to remain a sacred gift from God, it must be open to the creation of new life, and it must deepen the relationship between a committed couple. There are three recognised forms of sex outside of marriage, and they are: Adultery, Fornication, and Homosexual activity
Adultery is any sexual act between a man and woman, where at least one of them is already married to another person. This also includes situations where at least one of the adulterers is separated or legally divorced. The church teaches that when a person gets married, if they then have sex with someone other than their spouse, they commit adultery. Adultery cannot fulfil the two sacred requirements for Sex. If a man and woman are having an affair, it is extremely unlikely that they are happily prepared to become pregnant with a child, and therefore the sexual act is not open to human life. Furthermore, sex is to deepen the relationship between a couple who have made lifelong commitments. If the couple is not married, they do not have that commitment. This issue links in with the Church’s teachings on divorce, which I will detail on later.
Fornication is a sexual act between an unmarried couple. This includes boyfriends and girlfriends, and even engaged couples who are to be married. Since it is generally more likely for a couple not to want to start a family until they are married, there is no guarantee that a sexual act between an unmarried couple is open to the creation of new human life. Moreover, the couple can have made no lifelong commitment while they are still unmarried.
Homosexual Activity is a sexual act between two people of the same sex. It is not considered to be a gift from God. Clearly, to create new human life, both a man and woman are needed, and therefore a homosexual act cannot be open to the creation of new life. Neither the church nor the state accepts homosexual marriage (because human life cannot be made), and therefore no lifelong commitment can be made between the couple.
The Church considers all of these forms of sex outside of marriage to be wrong, as none of them allow for both purposes of sex to be fulfilled. The church teaches that the creation of new human life should under no circumstances be perceived as a mistake or a problem, because all human life is sacred.
In his famous statements ‘Humane Vitae’ (Human Life), Pope Paul VI said that:
“Each and every marriage act must be open to the transmission of life”
This means that when a married couple have sex, they must be prepared and willing to receive God’s gift of a child. This can only be guaranteed to happen within a marriage.
The sacrament of marriage allows two people to come together, make a lifelong commitment, have sexual relations, and possibly have children. It brings the man and the woman together to look after and love each other. These things can not happen when people are not married.
Responsible Parenthood
As the Catholic Church teaches that one of the main purposes of marriage is for the procreation of human life and the willingness to accept it, a person entering into a marriage must be prepared to receive God’s sacred gift of a child. A parent is entirely responsible for their child’s welfare and happiness. They must therefore be able enough to look after that child. A responsible parent thinks very carefully before even contemplating bringing a new life into the world. The church teaches that a parent must be able to support their child lovingly, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, financially and socially. They must think about the number of children they can nurture and develop in this way. Children are an expression of love, and an Act of Generosity from God. The creation of a whole new person is an amazing thing. Indeed it is the most powerful thing a human being can do, and it must only be done under the right circumstances. God gives humans this ability, as he gives humans the gift of Marriage and many other things. Being a responsible parent means acknowledging and being happy about the potential of new life being there in every marital act.
Creating new life is also giving a gift to your partner – the most sacred gift you can give in fact. This ties in with the marriage vows. That partner is helping the other to grow and be happy. It is a great gift of love from one person to another, and it allows their spirit to gain grace with God. The love a parent has for their child pleases God.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says this:
“It is the parents duty to make certain that their desire for children is not motivated by selfishness, but in conformity with the generosity appropriate by responsible parenthood”
This statement shows how the creation of new life should be an act of generosity and consideration, by the parents, towards the child they are prepared to receive. This means that the parent must be aware of their ability to nurture the needs of their children, and not be only thinking of their own wishes (rather than what they can actually cope with).
The Catholic Church teaches that a marriage must be open to the possibility of new life. Contraception should not be used, because it is attempting to stop new life being created. According the Church, there are several ways of regulating birth which are unlawful. They are
- Interruption of the marriage act
Contraception (artificial forms)
However, the Church does teach that God gave us the ability to naturally regulate the size of a couple’s family. It is in fact possible to work out the times when a woman is infertile (unable to get pregnant). Of course, the planning of this procedure requires both partners to be responsible, and is therefore a much safer practice when the couple are in a committed relationship (marriage). With the use of artificial contraceptives, the responsibility lies with only one of the partners.
Divorce
The Catholic Church teaches that Marriage lasts for a lifetime. That means that a married couple stays married until one of them dies. The Church does not allow for nor believe in divorce. This is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about divorce.
“Divorce claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other until death.”
This shows how the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is something which a person has chosen to do, but should not have been however, a simple and quick decision. When a man and a woman marry, they are consenting to living out the marriage vows truthfully, putting their spouse before their own selves, accepting freely the gift of children, and remaining faithful to their spouse until one of them dies.
The final part of the marriage vow refers to how marriage is a lifelong commitment – “…until death do we part.’’
The sacrament of marriage allows two people to be brought together in Holy Matrimony, and that unity is considered to be sacred. Therefore, to break it is a sin.
Jesus said this:
“What God has joined together, Man cannot divide.”
Once God has witnessed the marriage of two people they are, in His eyes, always married, until death.
Jesus also said:
“If a man divorces his wife…then she is guilty of committing adultery if she marries again, and the man who marries her commits adultery also.”
This links in with the Church’s teaching on Adultery. It is wrong, therefore divorce is wrong. When two people marry, they must remain faithful to each other until death.
However, in some cases, the church accepts that divorce is the only option. In such cases as violence at home or another unbearable situation, the Church considers that a legal divorce is better than a person living in fear and pain for the rest of their life. Still, the people are still seen to be married in the eyes of God, and may not re-marry within the Catholic Church. In these cases, a divorced Catholic is still a full member of the church, and may still receive other sacraments. However, if they remarry, they may not in the eyes of God receive the sacraments.
Divorce is only recognised legally, so a man and woman may not be lawfully married, but are in the eyes of the church still married.
Annulment is not divorce. I is when it is recognised that a marriage never really existed, because it could not be considered a proper, Holy marriage. Perhaps the elements of a marriage which are necessary did not exist. Divorce is when a marriage WAS valid at the time of the ceremony, but a marriage may be annulled and forgotten if the marriage was NEVER valid. Annulment wipes out the marriage as though it never actually happened.
The sacrament of marriage is generally performed in a mass. The ceremony begins with the greeting by the priest. Then follows the Liturgy of the Word, in which readings from the Bible and Gospel are read out. These readings reflect the Church’s teachings on the Marriage Vows, Sex outside of Marriage, Responsible Parenthood and Divorce.
One example of these such readings is in the second letter of St. Paul to the people of Corinth, in which he says:
Love is patient. Love is kind…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…
This part of the letter outlines the commitments made during marriage, and the protection towards the other partner that the couple both feel. It also relates to divorce, talking about how love never fails, and therefore is lifelong.
Then the priest follows with the homily, in which he talks about the responsibilities of marriage. He will mention all four of the issues I have talked about, since they are fundamental (the key points) towards a successful Catholic marriage. He will speak of the dignity of married love, and how the couple will grow closer to God.
The Marriage ceremony.
This is the point where the couple become married. Three questions are asked by the priest, to the couple individually. The purpose of the questions is to ensure that both partners understand what they are undertaking by marrying each other. They are asked if they come to give themselves freely, if they will love and honour each other for life, and if they will accept children lovingly from God.
These three questions all link back to the four topics I have covered. “Love and Honour each other for Life” links back to divorce, and marriage lasting forever, and the vows about loving and cherishing. Accepting children links back of course to responsible parenthood, where each sexual act between the couple must be open the transmission of new life, without any hesitation when new life is formed.
Next are the Marriage Vows, which I have already covered at the start.
The acceptance of Consent and Blessing follows the Vows. The priest accepts the consent of the bride and groom, on behalf of the people of God and the Church. By saying these words:
“You have declared your consent before the church…What God has joined together let no man put asunder.”
This part links in with divorce, as the Church does not believe anything made by God can be broken, and Marriage is a sacred, God-given gift. Also, the consent ensures that the couple both want to be married and are sure they should be.
Next is the exchange of rings. This is a visual symbol of their love and fidelity, and also show s how marriage is Holy and from God.
The couple are blessed, and then sign the Marriage register, which I can refer back to marriage being a legal status as well. When a couple is married, they are married in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the State also.
I have now answered the question. I have explained the Marriage vows, by examining what they mean, and how they link in with the Catholic Church’s teachings on Sex outside of marriage, Responsible parenthood and Divorce. I have also explained each of these topics, what the Catholic Church teaches of them, and how they are highlighted during the Sacrament of Marriage. I have given an outline of a Marriage ceremony.
