We live in a throw away society e.g. if something is not working then we usually throw them away and get a new one instead of having it repaired. This is happing far too much to marriages; people just want to get out as soon as the going gets tough. We must emphasise that marriage is a life long commitment:
“To love and to cherish till death do us apart”
It is a sacrament of total love and commitment from one partner to another.
The Church has teachings to direct us to live a good and Holy Catholic life. It offers advice on issues such as contraception, sex outside of marriage, parenthood and divorce, it does not tell us what to do but advises us. I will now look at the first issue, which I will be discussing and contemplating in my coursework, and that is Sex outside of marriage.
Today’s society is giving out the wrong message; there is sex everywhere, on television programmes, videos, newspapers and the Internet. The deeper into the future we go the more technology they will produce that will give out the wrong impression of Sex. Even in adverts such as soap, they will have a beautiful young lady in the shower cleaning herself with the product, at the moment it shows us usually a view from the side but if society continues as it is then they will soon be showing us front views. It is changing all the time it is becoming less exposed everyday.
As Catholics we believe that the only correct time for sexual intercourse is within a sacramental marriage. This is the ideal teaching known as chastity. The church believes that there should be no sex before marriage because they believe that sex has two reasons.
1. Concupience-the church recognizes the fact that sex is a special act. E.g. ultimate closeness, therefore having sex with ones partner deepens their relationship with God.
2. Procreation- for the creation of a newborn baby. Anytime we make sexual intercourse there is a possibility that a child will be created. The church only thinks it is right to have a baby if you a re married, because in a marriage you are suppose to be in a stable and loving environment.
The Teaching authority of the church is known as The Magisterium. The Magisterium has not changed it teachings on this topic since the time of the apostles. Sex outside of marriage (whether its pre-martial or Adulterous or sex after Divorce) is considered wrong as it can lead to the creation of new life. Life is the most precious of all things.
Here is a quote from Pope Paul VI in his encyclical letter the Humanae Vitae in 1968, it reads:
“Human life is sacred, all people should recognise this.” Every time a couple have sex they should be prepared to deal with the consequences e.g. child. A baby should be carefully planned and wanted. Sex outside of marriage is contrary to this, if the child is conceived it may not be wanted e.g. not in good financial position, may affect job prospects or it could have been a casual fling. Sex outside of marriage could be argued that it is a very selfish act preformed purely for pleasure and no intention of conceiving a child. The church states a marriage is the best place to deal with a new life that resulted from a sexual relationship.
Does all this mean that Catholics should have a never-ending number of children? No, the church teaches us in the decisions we make. If we decide to have a child then we should have prepared and thought the matter thoroughly through. Not only must we want and love the child we must also be able to fulfil the needs of the child. E.g. Spiritually, if the parents don’t go to church then neither does the child, he is totally dependant on his parents, he is also dependant on his parents for his social, financial, Emotional, and Educational needs. If the adults were unable to fulfil all of these needs it would be unfair and irresponsible to bring the child into the world. If we are planning on having a baby then we must also consider the possibilities of it being disabled and whether we would be able to cope with the child. We must love the child whatever. We must also consider the reasons for having a baby. They would not be responsible parents if there reasons were of a selfish nature i.e. if it is of greater benefit to the parents than the child e.g. or if the parents were unemployed and they were simply having a baby to increase the amount of money they get from the government. This last example happens a lot with homeless people who have dogs with them to make people sympathise more for them and give them more money. This is wrong as well but it still happens.
A couple having a child should be two loving parents sharing the same goals and aims. There is reason for having a baby such as the couple may want to deepen their love and seal their relationship with a child. A baby is part of both of the parents so they may want to have a child so that he/she can carry on their life once they are dead; they see the child as a part of them that they have left behind. It is wrong for a couple to have a baby in order to try and save a marriage, a baby should be brought up in a loving and stable environment.
A quote from Paul VI:
[It is the duty of the parents to make sure that their desire for a child is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity and generously appropriate to responsible parenthood]
The Catholic Church rejects all forms of artificial contraception, because they interfere with the natural process of contraception. This means that sexual intercourse is not open to the possibility of children, which goes against the marriage vows and breaks the sacrament:
“Will you accept children freely from God”
Artificial contraception could also be used without the other partner’s knowledge therefore denying him/her the chance of a baby. Some forms of artificial contraception are in fact killers. They can lead to the termination of the foetus inside the woman’s womb. Condoms are preventatives, which remove the possibility of the woman conceiving. On the other hand the morning after pill stops the fertilized egg from attaching itself to the womb. Therefore they are killing the child, Catholics believe that life begins at conception, so when they take the pill they are committing a sin and breaking one of the Ten Commandments.
I will now look at the second aspect of my coursework: Responsible parenthood. In this section I explain the teachings of the church on how they teach to avoid having a baby without the assistance of contraception. The couple as stated should always be prepared for a baby if they are having sex and they should not have sex if they could not cope with a child. A baby should be born into a loving relationship and should not be motivated by an unruly cause, such as selfishness.
The church teaches responsible parenthood. By using the natural contraception, this is called the Rhythm method. In the female cycle there is a period of time when the woman is most fertile. The church suggests if the couple do not want a child then they should refrain from sexual intercourse in this period. This way there is no physical barrier to conception, and during intercourse the possibilities of having a child is remote but still a possibility. Also these period during the woman’s menstrual cycle are God given and not man made, unlike artificial forms of contraception which stop the possibility of having children altogether. The Rhythm method requires the cooperation of both parents and emphasises to God their commitment to each other and the marriage.
The church also has teachings on divorce, to help us understand Divorce God put it into many parables in the way people could understand. When you get married in church you get married in a legal and sacramental sense. Getting married in church is asking God to bless your marriage- and the marriage vows state
“till death do us apart”. So in the eyes of God you are married till one of the partner’s die, so a divorce only breaks the legal side of a marriage and not the sacramental side. Here is a quote from the New Testament:
“A man will leave his mother and his father and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”.
From this quote we can conclude that a marriage situation should exclude Divorce and remarry, a marriage in the eyes of God should be a life long and exclusive feature. If you marry and then divorce you are still married in the eyes of God. The church recognizes that in today’s society some marriages do break down. If a couple do get divorced it doesn’t stop them from receiving the sacraments, if they enter into another marriage or sexual relationship they cannot receive the sacraments. This is because God still sees you as married to your first partner, but if you defy God and carry on and sleep with your second partner then you are committing adultery.
A shotgun wedding is when one of the couple is forced to marry against their own will. The church has the power to annul a marriage-For six reasons, if the marriage is annulled then it is like it never happened. The priest must consider ever annulment but they are very strict on annulment.
“When Jesus was alone with his disciples he said to them a man who divorces his wife and marries another is committing adultery. In the same way if a woman divorces her husband and marries another then she is committing adultery”.
The church does not accept remarriage, they may recognise it happens but the Catholic Church teaches that we as Catholics must strive to keep our vows.
“To forsake all others till death do us apart”
The only circumstance that allows remarriage in the Catholic Church is if the first marriage has been annulled. A divorce breaks the legal part of the marriage but an annulment states that a true Sacramental marriage never took place. The process of annulment is a lengthy procedure through the churchs courts, to be granted you must first produce evidence, witnesses etc and satisfies certain conditions. Below are the six reasons for annulment:
- If one partner has been forced into marriage.
- If they don’t understand the responsibility of marriage.
- If they told lies about their vows.
- If the marriage was never concemated.
- If artificial contraception denied one of the partners a chance to become a parent.
- If a non-Catholic partner denies the other to practise their religion.
As we know the Churches teachings on these issues have never changed. In the New Testament it has a story that explains the teachings on divorce:
“By law a married woman is bound to her husband for as long as she lives, but if her husband dies then the woman is released from the laws of marriage. If she marries another man whilst her husband is still alive then she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man”.
In the final part of my coursework I will be looking at how the sacrament of marriage highlights the 3 aspects listed in the Question. To help me with this answer we need to understand how a marriage is a sacrament. First we will look at how marriage in a church is different from marriage in a registry office.
“The love of a man and woman is made holy in the sacrament of marriage and becomes a mirror of Gods everlasting love”
This quote summarises what marriage is and what the sacrament of marriage is for. Marriage is a solem contract between a man and woman. In a registry office it is a legal contract, in church this contract is made Holy. Remember what a sacrament is:
“Outward sign of an inward grace that brings us closer to God”
The love of two people in marriage reflects God love. E.G. Jesus showed us God love; he gave everything up for mankind. In the sacrament of marriage, the giving of oneself to ones partner reflects Gods love. Remember Gods love is exclusive
(teachings on sex outside of marriage), Gods love is everlasting (vows), Gods love is unbreakable(Teachings on divorce) and lastly but still important Gods love is Total(Responsible parenthood).
The sacrament of marriage highlights all the aspects we have talked about. All words, actions, signs etc chosen for the marriage ceremony are all specially chosen, because they reflect what marriage is really about: everlasting love= Gold ring (round means its never ending and symbolize how marriage goes round and round and there is no end also Gold is very strong and durable just like marriage should be). The priest reminds the congregation what the ceremony is all about; it is a public declaration of the couples love and commitment to each other. The greeting is followed by a reading and homily. Here the priest talks about the nature and purpose of marriage. He may also refer in his cerman to the congregation reminding them of their own marriage vows.
The ceremony starts with a greeting where the Priest welcomes the bride and groom. The priest also welcomes the congregation to join in the celebration of the marriage. For the Liturgy of the Word, a reading from the Old and New Testaments will be read. The theme is marriage and love. At least one of the readings will always be from the Gospel. The readings at the mass will reflect what the Church teaches about the permanence of Marriage. An example of the readings on the day will possibly be out of Matthew’s Gospel, which teaches about divorce and the permanence of marriage. A good story on love would probably be taken from the book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. The priest will then talk about the meaning of a Christian Marriage in his Homily. He will explain the responsibilities of a marriage. He will usually touch upon the three key issues and the marriage vows. This is because these are fundamental to a successful Catholic Marriage.
The actual marriage ceremony is the main part of the mass. The priest asks the partners in turn 3 questions- to make sure they both understand and appreciate the responsibilities of marriage.
Q1. “Have you come to give yourself to each other freely and without reservation?” (To make sure both partners are willing and not forced and to show that the couple are ready to give themselves totally to each other in order to give themselves to each other in order to deepen their relationship with each other and God.
Q2. “Will you accept children lovingly from God” (This question highlights that the couple are prepared to accept children from god and that artificial contraception should not be used as it interferes with the natural process of conception. “Lovingly from God” stresses the need to be responsible parents.
O3. “Will you love and honour for life” (This question emphasises the permanence of marriage and informs us that divorce is not an option.
These three questions asked by the priest clearly highlight the duties and obligations that marriage involves. The couple that are getting married should not get married if they think they will split up because the Vows and questions state clearly the commitment required. Therefore when they do get divorced they cant say that they didn’t understand the complications of marriage because the priest has to make absolutely sure that they know what they are doing.
The exchange of vows follows, these are like a code of conduct, which shows how a couple, should live out their marriage. This part of the ceremony involves the exchange of Gold rings. At this exchange the couple are blessed “May the Lord bless these rings which you give to each other as a sign of your love and fidelity”. The Gold rings have a two-fold meaning explained earlier in my coursework.
The nuptial blessing is quite long and emphasises how God will support a couple in their marriage, if they allow him to. It also highlights two important ideas:
- The love of the husband and wife for each other reflects Gods love.
- Marriage is based on faith on trust and Commitment.
After this blessing the couple sign the marriage register which legalizes their marriage in the eyes of the state. This short input shows in a Catholic wedding the legal part is of little significance in the overall event. The sacrament part is the most important and the couple are in fact married when the vows are exchanged.
In this part of my coursework I will conclude the topic of marriage and what the vows demand on that couple that have chosen to live out their lives together. I have explained the vows and what they men to the couple in the eyes of God and the Countries law. We should know that Divorce is only accepted in the countries law and not in the eyes of God. I have discussed the teachings of the church in depth on the three major issues:
- Sexual relationships outside of marriage
- Responsible parenthood
- Divorce
Hopefully I have explained enough to make you understand the implications that a Catholic couple that are getting married in a Catholic Church have to deal with, not just in the distant future but for the rest of their lives. I also considered how the marriage ceremony highlights the three key issues listed above.
