If, as in the vast majority of cases, your relationship is complicated, it is advisable to seek legal advice from a reputable family law solicitor, who will be able to properly advise you about your rights and responsibilities.
However, for many couples, obtaining a divorce has never been easier. The old-fashioned concept of establishing that one party is at fault has been consigned to history and the important fact to establish now is that the relationship has "irretrievably broken down".
There are different attitudes to divorce among Christians -maybe because Jesus himself was anti-divorce but pro- forgiveness.
In mark 10:2-12 Jesus says that Moses allowed divorce because of people’s ‘hardness of heart’. But he says that at the creation of mankind marriages were meant to last life, and if a divorcee remarries, it is the same as committing adultery.
Mathew 5:31-32 and 19:8-9 say the same thing- except that divorce is permitted to someone whose partner has already been unfaithful.
In John 8:1-11, Jesus freely forgives a women caught in the act of adultery. But he tells her ‘go and do not sin again.
All Christians see the breakdown of a marriage as a tragedy. However not all Christians agree about weather divorce is permissible, or even possible.
The Roman Catholic Church states that it is actually impossible to get divorced. Marriage is a sacrament-God has made to couple into one flesh, and this cannot be undone. However, a marriage cancan be annulled-meaning it was never a true marriage in the first place. This can happen if either partner did not consent to the marriage or did not understand what marriage was about. The couple did not or could not have sex, or one partner refused to have children.
Nonconformist churches (e.g. Baptists and Methodists) will generally remarry divorcees, but an individual Minster can refuse to do so if this goes against his or her own conscience.
The churches of England says that divorce is acceptable, but that divorced people can only remarry in church if they can find a Minster willing to marry them. This does not satisfy every member of the Church of England.
You can apply for divorce at a county court in England and Wales, but to do this, couples must have been married for at least a year.
The first stage of divorce is obtaining what is known as a "Decree nisi". This is granted if the court is satisfied the marriage has "irretrievably broken down", and this is proven by showing one of five things: adultery; unreasonable behaviour; desertion on the part of one partner for at least two years; that the couple have been separated for two years and both spouses consent to divorce; or that the couple have been separated for five years. Your spouse's "unreasonable behaviour" must be so intolerable that nobody could reasonably expect you to carry on living with him or her. It could include, for example, financial recklessness, drinking, gambling, or lack of emotional support. You cannot base your divorce on this if you then live together for a period of more than six months afterwards. This rule also applies to desertion, and the discovery that adultery has taken place. The second and final stage is obtaining a "Decree absolute". The divorce can be stopped at any time until this is granted, so it is advisable to sort out all the financial and practical details first.
Divorce can be especially confusing for children, who are likely to feel bewildered by events and may even blame themselves for their parents splitting up. So it is important to minimize the trauma suffered where possible.
Both parents may consider they know best, but if you are having problems sorting out arrangements for your children, such as who they live with (custody) and how often the other spouse can visit them (access) then it is a good idea to attend mediation to help you reach sensible and fair decisions.
As a last resort, it may be necessary to go to court to apply for custody and access. If you disagree with how your ex-spouse is bringing up your children then there are other legal options available. You can apply for a court order to stop them pursuing a particular action, or ask the court to decide the best interests of the child regarding a particular issue, such as religious instruction or medical care.
What the alternatives to divorce? Well, mediation is a voluntary service that allows you and your partner to meet with a trained and impartial negotiator (the mediator) to clarify the issues, discuss the available options, and reach decisions acceptable to you both. While the mediator will manage the process of negotiation, he or she is not there to promote either person's interests. The decisions are ultimately yours. You will still require the services of a solicitor to put your decisions on property or financial matters into legal form. The government is keen for people to attend mediation, and the number of people offering this service has vastly increased in the last few years. You may be required to attend mediation sessions if your divorce is funded by legal aid.
There is also marriage counciling, where both partners attend a number of sessions and speak to a marriage councillor about what each of them think is wrong with the marriage and is a time to ask any questions which they might not feel they can ask at home.
My personal opinion is that divorce is bad, but necessary in our society today. We should think about how much we love each other, and only marry in the first place if we now that the couple are never going to split.
