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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
This essay is of a good standard, it is well written, easy to follow and the information included is interesting to read. In addition to this the candidate uses appropriate terms and names, all of which are spelt correctly and they have demonstrated a good understanding of the planets within our Solar system.
Level of analysis
The candidate has given a great deal of detail about each of the planets in our Solar system, therefore it is likely they have taken the time to research this subject. By doing independent research you demonstrate dedication and enthusiasm for your subject and the additional information you include in your work can make your essay more enjoyable to read. Though the candidates discussion of the planets is detailed, these are not the only objects in our Solar system, if the candidate had taken the time to research and discuss various moons, comets, etc they would have shown a greater depth of knowledge. Furthermore, the candidate hasn’t written a conclusion, you should always conclude your work as it allows you to bring your essay to a close, when an essay ends without a conclusion it appears unfinished, its like stopping someone stopping as they are half-way through a story, you never get to hear how it ends. There are several things you need to think about when you write a conclusion, you should try and link it in with your introduction, this is so that you answer any questions you have set yourself. You also need to give summary of your key points and state why each is important as this helps to tie together any lose ends and finally you need to give a personal response to the essay topic as your teacher/examiner is interested in what you have to say and what you have learnt.
Response to question
The candidate gives a very detailed response, though their essay would read better, if they had kept to one paragraph for each of the planets, some of their paragraphs are only one or two sentences long, which is pointless. The general rule for starting a new paragraph is that, you begin a new one for each different point, however as the information for each planet is only brief, it is suitable to keep it all together rather than split up the information into smaller sentences. That said, this essay starts of really well, the candidate manages to engage the reader and the essay is easy to follow and interesting to read. However a good introduction should always state exactly what you plan to discuss, this is missing from the candidates introduction, this is important as it ensure that the purpose of your essay is clear.