Analysis of our Solar System

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Analysis of our Solar System On a hot summer night, as you are sitting outside enjoying the evening, you tilt your head back and look into the night sky. You begin to wonder what is really out there? How far away are the stars? Are they stars or are they planets? We live in a part of the night sky called the "Milky Way Galaxy." Our galaxy can be seen with the naked eye on a clear summer night. It resembles a ribbon stretched across the night sky. During the summer is when the Milky Way is at its fullest with the stars so clustered together they look like one white mass. Our galaxy is a gigantic agglomeration of stars and planets whose numbers will probably never been known. Currently we estimate this number to be about thirty billion. Scientists have estimated that the radius of our galaxy if it were to be travelled, would take us about fifty thousand light years and the thickness to be about fifteen to twenty light years. We live in small part of the Milky Way Galaxy, which is referred to as a solar system. Our solar system is made up of nine planets and 31 moons, which orbit the centre of galaxy. At the centre of our galaxy is our Sun, which is approximately twenty-five thousand light years from our solar system. These nine major planets in order from the centre are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. Mercury is the planet nearest to the Sun. As it orbits the Sun, it does not rotate, keeping the same face of the planet toward the Sun at all
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times. This means that one side of the planet has a continual burning day of 900°F, and the other side a continual night and a deadly cold of 450°F below zero. Mercury is the fastest travelling of the nine planets making one full orbit around the Sun in only eight days. Life on mercury would be impossible. If you could live where the night meets the day and survive the extreme conditions, you would need dark goggles to protect you eyes from the extreme light. Mercury has little or no atmosphere to diffuse the Sun’s light. You would also weigh ...

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This essay is of a good standard, it is well written, easy to follow and the information included is interesting to read. In addition to this the candidate uses appropriate terms and names, all of which are spelt correctly and they have demonstrated a good understanding of the planets within our Solar system.

The candidate has given a great deal of detail about each of the planets in our Solar system, therefore it is likely they have taken the time to research this subject. By doing independent research you demonstrate dedication and enthusiasm for your subject and the additional information you include in your work can make your essay more enjoyable to read. Though the candidates discussion of the planets is detailed, these are not the only objects in our Solar system, if the candidate had taken the time to research and discuss various moons, comets, etc they would have shown a greater depth of knowledge. Furthermore, the candidate hasn’t written a conclusion, you should always conclude your work as it allows you to bring your essay to a close, when an essay ends without a conclusion it appears unfinished, its like stopping someone stopping as they are half-way through a story, you never get to hear how it ends. There are several things you need to think about when you write a conclusion, you should try and link it in with your introduction, this is so that you answer any questions you have set yourself. You also need to give summary of your key points and state why each is important as this helps to tie together any lose ends and finally you need to give a personal response to the essay topic as your teacher/examiner is interested in what you have to say and what you have learnt.

The candidate gives a very detailed response, though their essay would read better, if they had kept to one paragraph for each of the planets, some of their paragraphs are only one or two sentences long, which is pointless. The general rule for starting a new paragraph is that, you begin a new one for each different point, however as the information for each planet is only brief, it is suitable to keep it all together rather than split up the information into smaller sentences. That said, this essay starts of really well, the candidate manages to engage the reader and the essay is easy to follow and interesting to read. However a good introduction should always state exactly what you plan to discuss, this is missing from the candidates introduction, this is important as it ensure that the purpose of your essay is clear.