D-deck was a very lively deck, though with not much entertainment provided by the crew, we had to provide our own entertainment such as observing the view, painting and talking. Unlike the more posh and elegant first class, where the rumours were that they had an entire gymnasium just for their deck!
We were all very excited at this moment in time at the situation; this was a first for my family, being on a ship. I felt like this was a new start for everyone. Yet I could still not get rid of my superstitious mind, and somewhere in me there was still a feeling of guilt and fear. I kept trying to push those feelings out time after time, I just thought to myself, R.M.S Titanic was nicknamed ‘The unsinkable’. I had no idea for what was to happen in the very near future.
It was the morning; I can remember feeling very nervous as the night before I had a nightmare about the ship sinking. Half way through the night I woke up that’s why I can remember it so well. To wake up and realise it was all a dream was so relieving I cried. Still, the dream I had did not make my feelings of fear and guilt go away either, I was told I was being paranoid, and that I just had to calm down. Little did we all know what the ship could offer.
My family and I made our way down to breakfast where there was nothing special, the same breakfast as yesterday, and the same layout as yesterday, the same everything. As I was eating I can remember thinking to myself how there was a major similarity between the breakfast hall and a school cafeteria!
Peeking through keyholes was the closest I got to first class and all the luxury there was to offer. I remember seeing two very well dressed gentlemen with jet white gloves on guarding the first class doors, I went green with envy! With no way around my envy I just had to swallow my hopes again.
My family and I made our way back down to D-deck where we were staying on board the R.M.S Titanic. By this time I remember having such strange and horrific feelings. As we approached our painted lime green door, my youngest daughter banged her head on a neighbours door handle. She was in pain and crying, it was the same crying face I had in my dream of the ‘unsinkable’ ship thrusting deep down into the ocean, I suddenly became in fear once more. Another thing that lead my imagination wild was the foggy night. I thought to myself it must be freezing waters, near to zero degrees. I wondered to myself if the crew would be able to spot any lurking dangers in the treacherous weather. I knew we were in icy water and there may well be ice bergs about. Again I was told I was being paranoid and should forget all about it, so I just swallowed all my fear and tried to get rid of it and enjoy the rest of our stay.
Third class at night was very different to what it was during the day, it was a blend of personalities, and it showed. Some were lying in bed getting some sleep surrounded by their loved ones, some out drinking and dancing, whilst others were out on the deck, laying on whatever there was to lie on, staring into the starry night. I was one of the people who would lie on the deck and stare into the night.
I remember seeing a dark shadowy figure walk towards me. As the person came closer I could see it was the shady looking character sharing a room with my family and I. He comforted me and we shared our thoughts, it was the one moment on the ship when I felt relieved, relieved that I was not the only person thinking the things I was thinking or feeling the things I was feeling at that time. We became close; the man even showed me pictures of him and his family, all out in New York awaiting his arrival.
On that night I observed how it was the most silent night of the whole time spent on the voyage, I thought to myself that the reason being, everyone had settled in, everyone that is, except me and how I was feeling.
Back in my room watching my five beautiful children sleep like angels in peace, all I could think about was the conversation me and the man opposite in our room had previously had. What if it was all true and what I was expecting to happen would happen? Or what if it was my imagination running loose? I just did not know. All I could do was just sit there, sit and stare at anything I could keep my eyes on before drifting off into another day dream.
I decided to take a brisk and gentle walk along the deck; my husband was drinking and dancing with his new friends from down the hall. However I was not in the mood for quite all that, I needed a stroll to clear my imaginative thoughts.
I started to slow down as I felt my head getting heavier and heavier as I thought more and more about what could happen, when all of a sudden I hear a call from the Crows Nest, “ICE BERG STRAIGHT AHEAD, QUICK CALL THE CAPTAIN AND TELL HIM HARD STARBOARD! ICE BERG STRAIGHT AHEAD!” I could not believe what my ears had picked up on; I was panicking as hard as a convict awaiting a life sentence. I rushed to the front of the ship where there was clear view of the ice berg; it was absolutely enormous, right up to the highest point of the ship! I watched in absolute horror, praying and gripping onto my holy cross I stared, as the ship stumbled closer and closer, moving slightly left. I knew it would hit, so I shouted “SHE’S GONNA HIT!” then all of an unexpected sudden, BOOOM, and I immediately just put my hands tightly together, and prayed to God that what I had in my mind was not about to happen, yet whilst in the middle of this hopeful prayer I overheard a conversation between two staff saying Titanic would sink within one and a half hours. I knew at this point, it was the end for Titanic; all I could do was scream so hard my tonsils burst as the ‘unsinkable’ ship collided with the immense ice berg.
I could not believe it, the unthinkable had just happened and all could do was stand there as still as a picture. I did not know where my hallucinating head was at this point, but what I did know was that we had struck danger. The ship was not the only fixation that was in major trouble, our lives were too.
I dragged my thoughts together and headed for my room; I can remember tripping on a step aboard the deck, falling down to me felt like a sign, we were in trouble.
Searching from door to door for my cabin number, I was strolling past each number thinking “Come on, come on where are you ‘23D?’ Come on come on!” Reaching the door, I barged my way through, looking at my little angels fast asleep. I could only panic more, still no sign of my inconsiderate husband, even at the hour of ‘Ten thirty-five’ at night.
The man opposite me, the shady character whom despite our deep conversation and shared thoughts, we never exchanged names, was still there. There was no chat around now though, only screams of petrified passengers; it was total and utter chaos, not a sound of peace or silence was around for one moment. Warning gun shots had just been fired, three in total, still enough to scar a person internally for life. Aboard the ship it was as hopeful as keeping a block of ice from melting in the Safari desert, useless.
Eleven o’clock at night. Only now had this disastrous hazard to society finally broken into people’s minds the severity of the situation. No matter where you were on the ship at this point all the time there was a constant noise. Chaos had struck the R.M.S Titanic, and suddenly the fantastic luxurious unsinkable ship and its inviting views, became a place where you would not want to be ever, in your existence on Gods green earth.
As a third class passenger I was furious to see our dividing class gates bolted shut to allow upper classes first access to life boats which were being distributed. I screamed at the top of my voice “For the love of God, you cannot put a price on a life; we deserve a chance to live! Please open the gates!”
I knew this was my last chance of survival, I had to do all in my power to at least try to have a chance of survival for my family and I. It was all just one complete mass panic, like an angry outburst of a volcano chasing its victims ready to kill. It was the same for all of us aboard the R.M.S Titanic, only that we were being chased by bereavement.
After an outrageous forty minute wait by the disrespectful staff who kept the solid gate shut whilst all my class could do was watch our time run out, “There are women and children down here for the love of God!” I yelled in an outraged manner. It was only then that they finally let the gate release from its hatch; suddenly there was an enormous roar and an outstanding rush, passengers all wanting the same as anyone else, an escape.
I made it onto the deck with my five confused little angels, none of whom older than the tender age of ten years old, still with no sight of my irresponsible husband I had to think of my children and my own life.
Looking about to where a source of escape was, I noticed that there were know where near enough life boats to save even half of the amount of passengers left. I had to find a source of escape, my heart was pounding harder then ever, I felt like I was three quarters of the way through a marathon, exhausted but having to strive on until the very end.
Eleven fifteen had arrived on this fateful evening and there was an extreme amount of pressure and worthless endeavour in the air, yet I had to strive on and take my chances, my children were also at stake. I looked into each of my children’s eyes and could not picture letting them down so that they would not have a life. One look into their eyes was all I needed at this moment in time to do what was needed, I hastily rushed around the ship with my children beside me searching and searching for a source of escape.
“Lifeboat! Nine spaces! COME ON NINE SPACES! Hurry they will be gone in less than a flicker”, I thought I had heard correct but I could not understand if it was my reckless state of mind playing cruel tricks on my traumatized self. I looked once more, behind me, a life boat! I was ecstatic! “Children hurry quickly this is our last chance quickly come on!” My children and I rushed to the lifeboat, and screamed at the man operating, nervously needing this opportunity of survival. I did not even have to utter a word to him; he could clearly see our situation and placed us safely onto the life saving boat, all six of us.
It was at this point I knew my husband may have not made it, I broke into an enormous amount of tears, mixed with happiness that I had brought my children to safety, yet still with a heart broken and cheated feeling, my husband was no more. And all we could do was watch everything we ever had fade away into the deepness of the Atlantic Ocean.
Second after second felt like day after day, the freezing atmosphere of the near to zero degrees waters mixed with the near to zero degrees cold air mixed with the situation created an unthinkable disaster.
People were splashing about as if they were being drowned by one another, parts of the ship being demolished by fate and dropping from the vertically sinking R.M.S Titanic, it was unbearable. I had to feel for my children and look towards them; it was no use thinking of what could have been. It was my children and I that were one of the few exceptionally fortunate survivors and I kept telling myself that is what I had to accomplish, looking to the future with my children and I, forever.
By Chris Messina
