The father figure in the polygamous household is many times associated with domestic violence and controlling over private lives. Telling people where they should work, expecting attendance at church services and activities, dictating decisions that should be made by the entire family are all things that a father might do, which is part of the psychological dimension. They have somewhat of a cult mind control. The leadership in the family is never shared. The father feels that men are believed to have more rights and abilities than the women. This is not true in our society today, where it has become an equal gender society.
The women in the polygamy family usually have their marriages arranged for them by their father. In this case there is no way of finding true love or choosing the male mate that they feel is right for them and who they are attracted too. The women should go on dates and have relationship experience. It is unfair for these women to partake in this kind of treatment. They have no free choice and have their life made out for them with usually no way of escaping. Women usually participate in sexual demands, and are pressured to perform sexual acts through intimidation that another sexual partner does not do. In some cases men as old as forty or fifty marry teenage girls that are expected to produce five to ten children before they are forty.
With all the negative aspects that go along with polygamy there are some positive ones. Because of this, many religions allow it and in many countries it is considered normal. Mankind has practiced polygamy for thousands of years. Many of the ancient Kings and rulers of countries were polygamous, some having hundreds of wives. One of the reasons it was popular in ancient times it because wars caused the number of women to greatly exceed the number of men. In a monogamous society these women were left without husbands or support so they felt it necessary to move in with couples already together.
Polygamy is socially normal in Islam because it is tradition, part of the social dimension. Islam wants people to be married and develop a good family structure. Also, Islam realizes the requirements of the society and the individual in special circumstances where polygamy can be the solution to problems. Therefore, the Islam society has allowed polygamy, limiting the number of wives to four. This is also normal in the interviews of Pama Kondo and Fatoumata Torure, the family in Mali, Africa. (Mali: Pama Kondo Fatoumata) They like the idea of having a polygamous relationship. One wife will stay home with the kids while the other one will tend the crops and do chores around the farm and the father will go to his job, which is part of the biophysical dimension. The wives switch positions with each other ever other day. This would be a very good way to support a large family in a country that doesn’t have a lot of opportunities where it is hard to keep a family surviving on just one income.
In some way polygamy is already being practiced in the Unites States. Serial polygamy is when a man gets married then divorced and so on. Another is when a man is married to a woman but is having and supporting one or more mistresses, or not being married and having a number of mistresses. The bottom line in the marriage relationship is good morality and happiness, creating a society where the needs of men and women are well taken care. In society today it is becoming more acceptable to have free sex between consenting adults. This has given an increase in irresponsible sexual relationships, and a rise in “fatherless” children. If polygamy was acceptable in the western societies it would give the children more of a family atmosphere than if growing up in a single parent home. It would also make the divorce rate decrease dramatically because instead of getting divorced you could just add the mistress to the family, which would cause a lot less emotional stress and less of a financial burden for the family. It would actually bring in another income to the family for support.
Polygamy is also beneficial to women because for every 100 women there are only 70 men available for marriage. By the age of 45 for 100 men there are 200 single women. (“Vital Statistics about Polygamy” By: Samuel Chapman) This means that there is a high rate of competition between the women. If polygamy were acceptable the number would be much lower. For women that say all the good men are already taken that won’t be true anymore they could be shared. The man that is kind, caring, gentle and loving is the one that would attract the most women to them. The bad men out there will not get any wives because the women will not have to settle for what is left anymore if polygamy was acceptable.
Polygamy does have its advantages and disadvantages. It could very beneficial to the Unites States society with the decline of the divorce rate and single parent homes. However, it will not be considered to be normal until it becomes legal and acceptable around the country. In the other countries where it is tradition and practiced religiously it helps out needy families with an extra income and help with raising the numerous children. It will be a long time before polygamy would be considered normal in our society although being very advantageous.
Bibliography
Mali: Pama Kondo Fatoumata
Source: D. Aluisio, Faith & Menzel, Peter: 1994 “Women in the Material World.”
San Francisco: Sierra Book Club
“Vital Statistics about Polygamy” By: Samuel Chapman
“Polygamy 101”
http://www.ploygamy.com/101.html