Chandra, A. (1991, October 31). Marriage, Indian Style The Arranged Marriage Is Alive and Well in the U.S. Chicago Reader. Nov. 1, 1991, v.21, no. 5.
Anupama Chandra who is an Indian who writes for the Chicago Reader wrote this article. Indians have been arranging marriages since around 4000 BC, and now young Indians who have grown up with all things suburban are going through the traditional networks--matchmakers, newspapers, acquaintances--and agreeing to marry individuals they barely know. A matchmaker helped arrange the marriage of many cousins. It is remembered that cousin Mrinal was introduced to the future wife Sunandhini. It was during a trip to India for Thanksgiving vacation in 2006 and cousin Kavitha went to help. The first step was going to the matchmaker to find a woman that would match the horoscope. Three weeks later, Sunandhini was introduced to the family and a month later was the engagement. The wedding was on August 11th, 2006. They have been happily married for almost five years.
Gautham, S. “Coming Net: The Monsoon Divorce.” New Statesman 18 Feb. 2002: 32. MasterFILE Premier. EBSCO. GALILEO. 28 Sept. 2010 <http://www.galileo.usg.edu>.
There are many television shows in India that portray arranged marriages. The television show mentioned in this article is called “Shubh Vivah” otherwise known as Happy Marriage. The anchor of this television show is Bollywood actress Madhuri Dixit who had an arranged marriage with a cardiac surgeon from America. These shows are ironically like the ancient Swayamvaras, which was when the ancient princesses would choose their husband from a couple of eligible bachelor kings and princes. There were tests that the bachelors had to do in order to win the hand of the bachelorette. One example of that is from the ancient epic Ramayana when Lord Rama won Lady Sita by breaking a gigantic bow of his earlier incarnation. Another example is when Arjuna won Draupadi in the ancient epic Mahabharata. The princes vying for Draupadi's hand had to shoot five arrows at a revolving fish, while looking only at its reflection in a bowl.
India Tribune. Matrimonial Ad. Advertisement. India Tribune [Atlanta] 2 Sept. 2010, Periodical ed.: 47.
This article is a classified advertisement for a family that is advertising for a groom for a daughter. On the ad, it says that South Indian parents invite correspondence from an educated, South Indian boy for a 27-year-old daughter, 5’3”, who is a Nurse. At the end of the ad, the family tells the interested parties to write to India Tribune Box #A40905F. Another example would be an article for a family that is searching for a bride for a son. South Indian Telugu family invites proposals for a U.S. Citizen Doctor son. Graduate of an Ivy League University and with a degree from medical school. The son is considered smart, handsome, tall, and well cultured. 27 years old 6’4” and a physician. Looking for well-educated, professionals who have high family values. At the end of the ad, by family tells the interested parties to write to India Tribune Box #A080102F.
Jala, D. Personal interview. 3 Sept. 2010.
This article is from a personal interview that was with my mother, Damayanthi Macherla Jala. Parents talk to relatives and friends to find out if the individual is ready to be married. The suitors are found to be compatible because of many factors. The factors can include education, family values, and family background. The grandparents searched for a groom for my mother for about six months to a year. For example, dad’s eldest sister’s husband and mom’s elder sister’s husband worked at the same office. One day they got to talking about the families and then the uncle from dad’s side said hey the brother-in-law is ready for marriage. It was said that the future groom had graduated with a degree in Engineering and was going to America to go to graduate school at Auburn University. The uncle from mom’s side said that is cool and said that one sister-in-law was 18. Both families met each other and then the couple was engaged. The engagement was for three months and then the wedding was on April 13th, 1969. Dad came here in 1969 and mom came here in 1970. The parents have had a successful arranged marriage and have been married for almost 42 years.
Sandhya, S. (2009). THE SOCIAL CONTEXT OF MARITAL HAPPINESS IN URBAN INDIAN COUPLES: INTERPLAY OF INTIMACY AND CONFLICT. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 35(1), 74-96. Retrieved September 6, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1628860591).
This research investigates the contentment of 182 urban Hindu married couples. Previous research accentuates that the routes mediating comfort vary across societies with individual needs not impacting the joy of Eastern couples. Nevertheless, with globalization as personal needs become significant, indicators of bliss such as closeness and discord in a liaison assume a vital role in the worth and endurance of matrimony, even for the Hindu nuptials in a modern-day India. The contributors were 91 Hindu couples; married a norm of 11 years, from three various socioeconomic classes, three different types of family units, and arranged and love marriages. Findings divulge that ecstatic couples, compared with melancholic couples, reported concurrence, compassion, rationale, encouragement, and satisfied opportunities. This research hints how personal aspirations may be renovating cultural traditions.
Matrimony in ancient India: Ancient texts refer to several forms of marriages and in this context, the word ‘forms’ refers to the method of consecrating a marriage union… (1996, March 11). The Hindu, p. NO PG CIT. Retrieved October 2, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 57627902).
Ancient texts describing the ceremonies and rituals connected with Vivaha speak of a bride as being given away (kanyadaan) by her father or her guardian in the family. In India, marriage is held not as a mere contract, but as a religious sacrament from the days of the Rig Veda. In the matter of weddings, customs are diverse. For example, South Indians would call the engagement ceremony Nishitaartham whereas the North Indians would call it as Sagaai. One thing that all Indians have at their weddings is that they have the various rituals divided into pre-wedding, wedding, and post-wedding rituals. Hindu Pre-Wedding Traditions include the Nishitaartham (Engagement Ceremony): The Ceremony when the couple celebrates their engagement. The priest sets the wedding day after the engagement rituals are finished. The father of the bride and the father of the groom both make a pledge to make a proposal between their two families. Snathakam (Thread Ceremony): Performed at the groom’s house before the muhurtam. It is a sort of thread ceremony that involves making the groom wear a silver thread on his body. Muhurtam (Determining the auspicious part of the day for the marriage): The period that is considered auspicious starts from 7:00 p.m. and goes on until the next day until about 11 a.m. Pellikoothuru (Bride making Ceremony): This ceremony involves anointing the bride and groom with oil and turmeric before bath. Following the bath, the couple dons new clothes. The bride-to-be wears flowers in her hair. She also adorns her forehead with a bindi or vermilion dot and wears bangles on her wrists. Sangeet or Garba (Music Night or Dance Night): Brides and grooms can either have individual sangeets or have a large one together. Music and food are central to this party, as family and friends dance and eat late into the night. Dancing is the highlight of the Garba. Each side of the family also gets a chance to meet, greet, and have some fun before the wedding begins. Nav Graha Puja (Nine Planet Puja): Celebrates the Gods associated with the nine planets and asks them to bless the couple and their families. Sagri: The female relatives of the groom visit the bride, bringing flowers and jewelry. These items are gifted to the bride as a sign of affection and acceptance. Mehendi (Henna Ceremony): The traditional art of adorning the hands and feet with a paste made from the finely ground leaves of the Henna plant. The term refers to the material, the design, and the ceremony. It is tradition for the names of the bride and the groom to be hidden in each other’s design, and the wedding night is not to commence until the groom has found both names. After the wedding, the bride is not expected to perform any housework until her Mehendi has faded away.
Sharma, Arvind (1985) Marriage in the Hindu religious tradition. Journal of Ecumenical Studies: 22(1): 69-80.
The adage that marriages are made in heaven is very much true in the case of Hindu marriages. Two souls come together because their karmas are intertwined. Many rituals and traditions have to do with the wedding ceremony. Mangala Snaanam (Ritual Bath): The bride and groom each take an auspicious bath on the day of the wedding. The bath is said to cleanse and purify them and make them ready for the sacred rites that are to follow. Aarti (Light Candle): After the bath, they are anointed with oil at their respective homes. Their families perform aarti and the family prays that the mind of both the bride and groom is illuminated by wisdom. Ganesh and Gauri Pooja (His and Her Pooja): The groom performs Ganesh Pooja in the mandapam (wedding hall) just before the marriage ceremony praying for the eliminating of all obstacles. Similarly, the bride performs Gauri Pooja and seeks blessings for a blissful married life. The Baraat (Groom Procession): The groom arrives on a horse with his family, friends and a band of musicians. The relatives of the groom, bride, and the guests all dance. The bride’s family receives the groom at the entrance of the wedding hall. Swagatam (Welcoming Ceremony): The bride’s family and friends welcome the groom’s side. The mother of the bride places a red dot on the groom’s forehead, reminds him of his commitment to the bride, and then the groom has to step on a pot. Kashi Yatra (Fake Ascetic Ceremony): The groom pretends to leave for Kashi. He carries a walking stick and other essentials to show that he is not interested in becoming a householder anymore. He relents and agrees to the marriage only after he is stopped and persuaded by the bride’s brother to fulfill his responsibilities as a householder. Jaimala (Exchange of Garlands): The couple exchanges garlands as a gesture of acceptance of one another and a pledge to respect one another as partners. Madhuparka (Offering of Yogurt and Honey): Reception of the groom at alter and bestowing of presents by the bride’s father. Kanyadan (Giving Away of the Bride): The father of the bride places her hand in the groom’s hand requesting him to accept her as an equal partner. Havan (Lighting of the Sacred Fire): The couple invokes Agni, the god of Fire, to witness their commitment to each other. Crushed sandalwood, herbs, sugar rice, and oil are offered to the ceremonial fire. Rajaham (Sacrifice to the Sacred Fire): The bride places both of her hands into the groom’s and her brother then places rice into her hands. Together the couple offers rice as a sacrifice into the fire. Gath Bandan (Tying of the Nuptial Knot): The scarves placed around the couple are tied together symbolizing their eternal bond. This signifies their pledge before God to love each other and remain faithful. Mangalphera (Walk around the Fire): The couple makes four Mangalpheras around the fire in a clockwise direction representing four goals in life: Dharma, religious and moral duties; Artha, prosperity; Kama, earthly pleasures; Moksha, spiritual salvation and liberation. The bride leads the Pheras first, signifying her determination to stand first beside her husband in all happiness and sorrow. Saptapadi (Seven Steps Together): The bride and groom walk seven steps together to signify the beginning of their journey through life together. Each step represents a marital vow: 1st Step-To respect and honor each other; 2nd Step-To share each other’s joy and sorrow;3rd Step-To trust and be loyal to each other;4th Step-To cultivate appreciation for knowledge, values, sacrifice and service;5th Step-To reconfirm their vow of purity, love, family duties and spiritual growth;6th Step-To follow principles of Dharma(righteousness);7th Step-To nurture an eternal bond of friendship and love. Sindoor (Red Powder): The groom applies a small dot of vermilion, a powdered red lead, for the first time to the bride’s forehead and welcomes her as his partner for life. Mangalasutra (Thread of Goodwill): A necklace worn by married women as a symbol of their marriage. The grooms put it on the bride for the first time during the wedding ceremony. The priest then takes the newlywed couple outside to look at the stars. The groom holds the bride's hand and gazes at the pole star or Dhruva, which represents constancy with her. The couple also looks towards the stars Vasishta and Arundhati (part of the Great Bear Constellation, known as Sapta Rishi or Seven Sages). These stars, always visible together, have come to symbolize an inseparable couple. Sthaalipaakam occurs when the groom slips silver toe rings on the bride's feet. Aashirvad (Parental Blessing): The parents of the bride and groom and other elders give their blessings to the couple. The couple touches the feet of the elders as a sign of respect.
Findings
Indian tradition is one of the oldest and still vivacious systems in the universe. “It combines romance with the sacredness of and power of family” (Mackinnon 2). Despite the shock of British and Muslim reign and the subsequent influx of traditions, it still prevails as a strong nation reverberating with a distinctive cultural legacy. Arranged marriages have been a part of India for a very long time and it has been understood to be there since the origin of the foundation of marriage. Although arranged marriages vary widely by region and community across the Indian subcontinent, they usually begin with a realization in the family that a child is old enough to marry. This can occur when a parent or an older relative (usually the mother or another trusted female relative, such as an aunt or an elder sister or sister-in-law) initiates a conversation on the topic, or the son/daughter approaches the parent/relative and expresses the desire to be married. “Young people don’t want to make individual decisions alone” (Bellafante 1). This relative effectively acts as a sponsor, taking responsibility to get the boy/girl married to a good partner. If the son/daughter has an identified love interest, the sponsor often takes it upon himself or herself to try to orchestrate a match with that individual. If no such person exists, the sponsor begins the process of identifying suitable candidates. This is usually done via an intermediary matchmaker who has a social reputation for maintaining discretion and brokering successful weddings (Chandra, 1991). If no good matchmaker is accessible to the family, the family may resort to matrimonial advertising in newspapers or matrimonial websites. The matchmaker identifies a set of potential matches and, based on mutual agreement between families, it is customary for an exchange of photographs and some documentation of the factors being considered (for instance, astrological charts or a biodata) to follow. These items are usually returnable if the match does not proceed for any reason: in those scenarios, families customarily cooperate to eliminate any trace of a matchmaking conversation ever having existed between them. The marriageable adult reviews the information and photographs, with input from the family and friends, and shortlists a few for in-person meetings.
Discussion
The first step in the marriage process is the Horoscope. Indians pay much attention to horoscopes. After preparing a detailed horoscope, the parents exchange it with prospective boys and girls. The services of the horoscope matching centers are also utilized. “Those who believe in horoscopes consult with astrologers and priests to find out compatibility” (Kamat, Vikas 2). Once the horoscopes are compared for their compatibility the parents initiate the next step, which is they arrange a meeting to see the girl. If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom's family to visit the prospective bride's family. In this event, it is traditional for the boy's family to arrive (with the boy) and be seated with the entire girl's family except the girl herself, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments with herself. During this visit, the boy and girl are often encouraged to meet and talk by themselves in a separate room. The families usually part after this initial meeting without any commitment made by either side, and with the expectation that they will confer separately and send word through the matchmaker should they be interested in pursuing matters further. If there is interest from both sides, the matchmaker passes the word in both directions. If the families are unfamiliar with each other or live in areas distant from each other, they will frequently launch inquiries through their social and kin networks, attempting to gather as much independent information as is possible about the prospective partner. Once there is mutual agreement between the prospective bride and groom that they would like to marry, and no red flags have emerged about either party in the inquiries conducted formally or informally, the other prospective spouses are declined and their photographs and other documents returned. An engagement ceremony or a pre-engagement ceremony follows. In India, marriage is thought to be for life, and the divorce rate is extremely low.
Conclusion
The chosen issue was arranged marriages, matchmakers, and personal ads. It was selected due to personal reasons of being an Indian female of marriageable age and soon to be, one of subjects written about in these studies of arranged marriages. The perspective of this approach was that arranged marriages last longer and arranged marriages are the typical Indian family affair, love marriages can last for a long time but people fall out of love and get divorced, arranged marriages have changed to adapt to the 21st Century of Internet, and nowadays, in arranged marriages the children choose whom they marry but the parents have to meet the choice. The scope of this paper attempted to understand why arranged marriages have been more stable in India and other Asian countries than love marriages in the Western world, together with the advantages and disadvantages of this approach to marriage. Yes, arranged marriages do last longer and rarely end up in divorce unlike most love marriages. There are various ways that the couples in arranged marriages meet each other. Arranged marriages have been around for many centuries probably even as long as the institution of marriage itself has been around. Arranged marriages were probably a violation of human rights in the olden times because the parents did not really let their children choose their mates. No, arranged marriages are not anachronisms because the young adult has a choice of who to marry, and this takes place in a specific religious group or culture. No, arranged marriages are not a violation of women’s rights nowadays because certain religions and cultures believe that arranged marriages are the best method of making sure that young women marry the right person that God made for them. Arranged marriages last longer and arranged marriages are the typical Indian family affair, love marriages can last for a long time but people fall out of love and get divorced, arranged marriages have also changed to adapt to the 21st Century of Internet, nowadays the children choose whom they marry but the parents have to meet the choice, and Indian marriages are viewed as marriages between two families, not two individuals. Arranged marriages are hard because sometimes it takes a very long time to find the choices of mates for the young man or woman. Nevertheless, Indian weddings are fun to watch no matter if they are arranged marriages or love marriages.
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Chandra, A. (1991, October 31). Marriage, Indian Style The Arranged Marriage Is Alive and Well in the U.S. Chicago Reader. Nov. 1, 1991, v.21, no. 5.
Gautham, S. “Coming Net: The Monsoon Divorce.” New Statesman 18 Feb. 2002: 32. MasterFILE Premier. EBSCO. GALILEO. 28 Sept. 2010 <http://www.galileo.usg.edu>.
India Tribune. Matrimonial Ad. Advertisement. India Tribune [Atlanta] 2 Sept. 2010, Periodical ed.: 47.
Jala, D. Personal interview. 3 Sept. 2010.
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Sandhya, S. (2009). THE SOCIAL CONTEXT OF MARITAL HAPPINESS IN URBAN INDIAN COUPLES: INTERPLAY OF INTIMACY AND CONFLICT. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 35(1), 74-96. Retrieved September 6, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1628860591).
Matrimony in ancient India: Ancient texts refer to several forms of marriages and in this context, the word ‘forms’ refers to the method of consecrating a marriage union… (1996, March 11). The Hindu, p. NO PG CIT. Retrieved October 2, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 57627902).
Sharma, A. (1985) Marriage in the Hindu religious tradition. Journal of Ecumenical Studies: 22(1): 69-80.
