THE DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS ASSOCIATED WITH MY PARTICULAR STAGE IN THE LIFECYCLE
During this period, I was passing through the stage of “Identity vs. Identity/Role Confusion” (Erikson’s psychosocial stages).
I feel that what happened was due to the fact that I was asking myself “Who am I?”; trying to form my identity. Having a car gave me a feeling of freedom and power. I began sensing my individuality, wanting to:
- Define who I was.
- Establish myself in society.
I was probably experiencing an “Identity Confusion”. Wanting to assert myself, I was still scared of making big mistakes that would disappoint me and others. Trying to avoid forming a “negative identity”, I was exerting my inner feelings outwards, onto the car. At the time of the accident and after, many were disappointed with the way things were turning out. However, I feel that I managed to emerge with a new sense of self. I still feel confused at times, however I believe that I have accomplished a sense of fidelity.
Despite all the above, being at a tender age of twenty, I feel that I am still trying to resolve this stage fully and move onto the next one.
THE IMPACT OF THE TRANSITION ON MY SELF-CONCEPT, SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF PRESENTATIONAL BEHAVIOUR
This is the area that the tragedy influenced the greatest, whereby I presently view myself in a very different light.
The first few months after I was discharged from hospital, my self concept played around, alternating between:
- “I have a strong character” (my self concept before) and
- “I have a weak character”.
This was due to a multitude of factors. I was receiving supportive messages from my loved ones, but when comparing myself to others I identified myself as the “unlucky” one.
Some months after, I felt that the confidence I once had dropped, and my self esteem lowered. I viewed the event pessimistically.
My locus of control changed from an internal to an external one. I felt I didn’t have so much control over life, and couldn’t handle reality. I was dependent on others. I wasn’t happy with myself; showing up in the way I presented myself. I became introverted, and wasn’t the outgoing and fun person everyone knew.
To improve my behaviour, I attempted to change my self concept hoping to boost my self-confidence and self-esteem. I strived to gain more control in my life, whereby I attempted to lose weight. This went overboard, leading to an eating disorder. My effort was to no avail.
By time, my self worth improved. I had a strong will to change and made sure to do it in the right way.
Today, through observation of those around me, I am presenting myself in a more favourable light. I have learnt to become more independent, therefore gained more control over life. My self confidence and self-esteem have risen, and I am now able to contribute more readily to society. Although I still have areas to improve on, I am nearly back to my previous self.
SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS IMPACTING ON MY TRANSITION
Social factors came in to a large extent with regards to both:
- Events leading up to the accident.
- Changes in my behaviour after.
- Stereotyping, prejudice and their impact
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Before the tragedy: At a young age, I was labelled and categorized as a “nerd”. By the age of seventeen, this changed. People thought of me in terms of “happy go lucky”, a stereotype I regarded as positive. I felt myself changing and did anything to keep my reputation (self-fulfilling prophecy). One could note a number of changes in my behaviour, which was one of the many causes leading to the accident. I was tying to conform to a number of pressures from society. To live up to my reputation, I felt that I must act “cool”, and I did this by trying to act “cool” with the car, thus creating a very negative impact.
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After the accident: This positive stereotype stuck to me. However, this time because many began attributing personal factors to the cause of my accident, (The Fundamental Attribution Error). Initially, it didn’t bother me, and I kept on acting in the same ways prior to my accident.
This did not last for too long. My examinations calmed me down. Friends started leaving me out and considering me “boring”. This impacted me largely. To get back my positive stereotype, I tried out anything, even trying to act “cool” by dieting drastically.
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Today: I have overcome the hurdles that I had to face, and I feel more satisfied with myself.
I also felt that I was discriminated in terms of prejudice, leading to the same results.
2. Stigmatization
After the tragedy, I felt that I was stigmatized in two ways:
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A physical stigma (Goffman, 1969): The accident left me with a scar on my neck, which stigmatized me greatly. Matters were worse when people asked me questions, making me feel different. I felt individuals were constantly staring at it. I deemed it a label. By time the scar faded away and it became part of me. Today I see the scar as sending a message – “Look at me, I’m the one who survived the bad accident!”.
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A psychological stigma: Till this day I am under the impression that people think of me and refer to me as “Nicola, the one of the accident!”. At times this is not just my imagination, as individuals tell me: “Ah, I do remember that accident … you were the one?!”. I got used to this, and I am very inclined to accept it!
MALADAPTATION VS SUBJECTIVE WELL BEING
Prior to the accident
My subjective well-being was very high, whereby:
- My overall life satisfaction was extremely high.
- My pleasant emotions overcame negative feelings.
- I was the happiest person ever!
Many said I “lived life to the max!” not letting small things upset me. This resulted because I had a:
- High self-esteem.
- Optimistic view to life.
- Feeling of control.
(Myers, 1992)
Initially after
This high subjective well being remained so. The fact that my health was improving drastically, and I had people always by me telling me “You can make it”, helped me stay on the positive track.
The thoughts that passed through my mind were filled with optimism and despite that there were times when I felt down, I did not let these take over. My summer continued in its usual path, and I actively kept on participating in life.
As months went by
Exams drew closer and I needed to calm down. I became much quieter, and couldn’t cope with the demands of the environment the way I wished to. Around the time of August, I had to cut down on a number of activities. I became maladjusted and felt left out. This did not last for long. My subjective well-being increased when I received my examination results. I felt very good with myself in the domain of education, and people started looking up to me. Satisfaction in the domain of education began spreading to all my life.
However, I went through a period of maladjustment again, when I felt unwanted, whereby I developed my eating disorder. I was anxious, depressed, and negative thoughts overwhelmed positive ones.
Today
Today, I am under the impression that I have readjusted to life. Although this has taken its time, I am now much more content. My subjective well being has increased dramatically.
STRESS AND COPING
Stress
As I have brought out all along, this event was a major stressor. Many issues were involved, many of which I have portrayed. The following are the chief factors:
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The nature of the transition: Being an involuntary transition (Williams, 1999), one which I never expected to happen, created greater stress.
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My personality: Having a Type A personality, made the event more stressful. Being impatient, I couldn’t stick the changes that confronted me; namely the physiological demands placed on me, requiring me to stay at home for a quick recovery. My impatience grew as examinations drew closer. The hardy and strong side of my personality counteracted my stress, helping me tolerate the situation.
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Cognitive Appraisal: During the first two months following the accident, I appraised the event as a challenge which I could profit and learn from. Stress levels rose, when I began to appraise it as a threat; both to my future, and my personal relationships.
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Contextual Factors: I had good support networks keeping my stress levels balanced. Even when I was passing through a tough time certain individuals were there. My friends helped most during the first couple of months; visiting daily and making me feel included. Later, when I thought I was no longer wanted, my anxiety rose; finding support from my close family, who helped me evaluate the event positively, thus keeping my pressure under control.
Coping
I believe I was capable of adapting successfully to this event. Despite the period of maladjustment, I managed to handle everything the right way and move on. Below are the ways I coped:
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Cognitive Appraisal: I used an emotion-focused coping approach. Initially when I did not feel stressed out, I rationalized the event (defence mechanism), laughing it off. I tried putting it past me. I felt this was viable at the time. Later, when the severity of the event hit me, I worked harder to handle the changes in a more socially acceptable manner. Religion also opened its doors enabling me to get a grip over my emotions.
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Personality: Being of a Type A Personality; did not only make the event more stressful, but also facilitated the situation. Despite that the exams were a major stressor, because I am an achievement-oriented individual I had the ambition to do well. I was determined to carry on and attain what I always dreamt for. The strength of my personality assisted too. I wanted to challenge myself, and show that despite the difficult circumstances, I could still make it in all the domains of life.
- Contextual factors:
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Economic security: This made it possible for me to have access to doctors and all that was needed, making it easier to get by with my physiological burdens.
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Support Systems: My parents and true friends stuck by me all the way, keeping my moral high and boosting my self-esteem.
A PERSONAL THOUGHT
I wish to make short note to thank everyone who believed in me and encouraged me through such a difficult time. Besides that I wish to put in a personal quote:
“LIVE LIFE TO THE MAX, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT LIES AHEAD OF YOU. BUT DON’T ABUSE IT … APPRECIATE IT IN THE RIGHT MANNER!!”
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Adler, R. B., Rosenfeld, L. B. (2004). Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication.. US: Oxford.
Omrod, J. E. (1999) Human Learning US: Merrill Prentice Hill.
Reber, A. S., & Reber, E. S. (1995) Dictionary of Psychology UK: Penguin.
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