Another problem that occurs frequently when considering office romance is sexual harassment. The legal definition of sexual harassment is “unwelcome verbal, visual, or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working conditions or creates a hostile work environment”. Sex is a commodity that could be market for profit. There may be many different ways and reasons why this kind of sexual behaviour might occur. For instance, one of the individuals in a failed relationship might still have feelings and may try to hurt the other person, seeking revenge by verbal or physical abuse, such as making comments about sex life in front of colleagues, so that the person feels embarrassed. This potential humiliation could lead to stress and sometimes health problems. The Industrial Society (1993) presented that 54% of women and 9% of men have experienced sexual harassment at work. This brings companies into a fear of a possibility of sexual assault lawsuit and again constitutes a threat to the business. As a whole, sexual harassment is a pervasive problem that organizations may face in a result of a finished romance. However, it is still controversial whether this is a good reason for organizations to ban romantic relationships at work and it brings forward the question if there are better ways to control them.
Managing people takes time, efforts and resources. If organizations ban relationships at work then a couple might try to hide their feelings which again creates stressful working environment. By contrast, if a top manager try to ignore the situation, then that means that he or she has no control over the outcome. In addition, other employees might feel insulted of the fact that he or she did not take any actions about it. Policies regarding office romance require alertness and careful thought, so that human rights and ethics are recognized. The case of the American company Wal-Mart that tried to prohibit employees from falling in love in a colleague in a position of influence is a clear proof of this statement. It seems reasonable for the organizations to prepare a clear written policy that applies to senior managers and juniors, so that they know what to do if a romantic relationship happens. According to a SHRM survey only 13% of companies have a written policy on office relationships and 14% have said they have unwritten policies that are accurately understood and prohibit these relationships. Managers have to deal with this issue as they would do with a business problem, but not attacking the lovers because that might generate stress and hostility. One might only allow relationships between employees of equal rank, or where one is not under direct supervision of the other. Still, co-workers have to be encouraged in openness about their relationship and report it to the manager, so that conflicts and gossips are diminished. In some non hierarchical small organizations where communication networks and relationships between employees are not crucial, a romance may persist and the couple may marry. But as stated in the article, in large companies power is important and the opportunity of both individuals to stay in the organization is minimal.
This brings us to conclusion that as soon as a relationship leads to stressful environment and has any negative effects on the business, then it is highly possible that one of the individuals would have to leave his or her job, or in the best option, the manager might reallocate them to different departments, so that they no longer interact with each other.
However, in order to have a more clear view on office romance and evaluate some positive aspects, we need to focus on the other relevant concept – sexuality. Male and female have different gender characteristics. Women are believed to be gentle, easily influenced, more emotional and sensitive while men need to hide their emotions, be strong and aggressive. These sex stereotypes are deeply engraved on society and any exceptions are often considered to be unnatural and atypical. For instance, successful women managers are being seen as threats to male self-image (Cockburn 1991; Sargent 1983). Similarly, with the increase of women becoming managers a relationship between managers might be dangerous and create conflicts of interests. In Italy, for example, where gender characteristics are clearly differentiated, male and female working together under the same rank and are assumed to be equals, the traditional sex stereotypes might cause trouble and lead to dangerously competitive and stressful working environment. This brings us to the conclusion that people tend to believe in sex differences, as one famous book says ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ (Gray, 1992). Therefore, it is a pretty common believe that women tend to use their left, more emotional side of the brain, and men - the right more logical side. It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart there is a battle between what is right and what one feels. So what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that goes back and forward between the left and the right side. When it comes to relationships in the workplace is it smarter to follow your heart or your head?
Ironically, in the contemporary globalized world a great percentage of people are inevitably exposed to work in a confined reality. Individuals strive behind the curtain of a particular brand name or a famous organization trying to prove their own significance and to establish their superiority over their rivals. Undoubtedly, people are not deprived of senses. They are not cold, emotionless machines relying on pure ration. The realm of the workplace could hardly avoid existence of issues not strictly related to business. Office romance is a widespread example of the impossibility for antagonistic genders spending sufficient amount of time together not to develop a form of attraction towards each other in certain situations. However, it could be meaningless to generalize the inner world of different people. They all have different background and its heritage has an overwhelming weight reflecting on their behaviour. For instance, even if the focus is on only a small continent such as Europe, still there could be observed completely different attitudes. Two individuals from the Northern World working together, are more likely to control their expression of emotions and romantic feelings and to separate business from pleasure. While in Spain or the Balkans, where people are famous for their ardent temperament, any attempt of an organization aiming to ban romantic relationships at work would lead to confrontations and collapsing internal balance, and might cause a negative effect on the business in general. According to Dr Terry Kellard from the University of Warwick "The organization is a natural arena for romance. Men and women are brought together and encouraged to form close relationships. And if people have a relationship, they work better together and have higher motivation. Trying to prevent that is just one of those unenforceable laws."
In this train of thought, it is very difficult for an organization to ban dating in the workplace not only because of the possibility of breaking human rights but also because emotions and feelings are not that easily controlled. Shakespeare wrote ''love is blind and lovers cannot see''. Although most people know that office romance contains potential for distraction, stress and sometimes sexual harassment, when one falls in love, he or she becomes unaware of all those negative consequences. Human beings, regardless of their sexuality, tend to implicate emotions in every sphere of their activities. Any effort performed by a single person to restrict those feelings leads to inner conflict which severely diminishes an individual's ability to concentrate on the work and consequently decreases the level of productivity.
As can be seen from the second paragraph in the article, individuals spend many hours working and appreciate their co-workers in a very different situation, so one might notice many other things about a particular person that he or she would not have the chance to see if they meet in a bar, or at a party. Gradually attraction and romance are developed and a relationship is formed. Falling in love in someone at work is not always a reckless decision that involves a bad ending, there are exceptions. Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates met and married Microsoft marketing executive Melinda French at work. One might argue that the most essential factor is that individuals need to maintain a professional distance from each other at work. If they are not able to handle their personal feelings, then the company is put on risk and the consequences would be negative. Thus, office romance might be fine as long as it does not interfere with the function of workers and operation. ''Nearly one in five people have been romantically involved with a colleague and 16 per cent are married, in a civil partnership or living with a partner who is a current or former work colleague.'' For instance, if two people are working in the same company but in different departments the relationship might be more successful and even beneficial for the business in general.
At the beginning of a romance, both male and female feel excited, questions are filling up their minds, they tend to lose critical faculties and judgment. Referring back to the article (appendix 1) if an employee is dedicated to his or her career, likes the job and does not want to risk the possibility of changing it, then it might be better if he or she look for a relationship somewhere outside the office. It is extremely important for males and females to consider what are the reasons for them to want to start a relationship, so that they know what they are risking and is it worth it. Each female, for instance, has sacrificed her personal and sometimes family life in order to have a career and be a successful professional. So it is crucial for her to know that having a relationship is worth the risk of losing her job. Some might find it reckless but others might find it romantic and be happy to take this risk in the name of love. If someone feels that he or she met the right person, their soul mate then they should follow their heart because it is worth the price that they will pay.
The issue of office romance is a controversial and vast topic for a straight, single answer to occur. However, as a consequence of the analysis on stress and sexuality, we are able to evaluate the positive and negative sides of a romantic relationship at work. Every person is different and keeps certain personal, sexual characteristics that effect his or her believes, way of living and behaviour. Organizations have been trying to deal with the inevitable tendencies for relationships to form. Their perspective of office romance is expressed in terms of unbearable tension, stress, anxiety, harassment and often affects many who were not directly involved. It is in managers' interest to provide a comfortable workplace were employees can interact and perform their jobs effectively. However, one can still argue that relationships and falling in love are inevitable part of human nature. There are people who will take the risk of losing their job because they are in love and consider this as more important than a job position. Nevertheless, the decision of whether or not it is worth taking that risk, still remains in the hands of employees.
Appendix 1
''The Ethics of Office Romance’’ by Bruce Weinstein, PhD
Business Week, February 12, 2008
If you're thinking about hooking up at work, you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
For many of us the workplace, where we spend a large percentage of our waking hours, isn't just where we go to do our jobs. It's also the place where we eat many meals, and develop and maintain friendships that last beyond office hours and sometimes even the job itself.
Given the amount of time we spend at work, the office seems like the most logical venue to look for romance (Business Week, 5/23/07)—or even a hookup—and it's certainly the most practical. Fellow employees are more likely than total strangers to share at least some of our goals and values. At work, we get to know people better than we can in bars, on the Internet, or even through a blind date set up by well-meaning friends and family members.
For all these reasons, it's tempting to pursue a romance with a co-worker, an assistant, or (gulp) the boss. But there are many more compelling reasons why we shouldn't. Office romances, despite potential benefits, are at best troublesome and at worst damaging to us, our co-workers, and our employer.
THE SAD TRUTH ABOUT ROMANCE
Most romantic relationships do not work out. How many people do you know who are married or still in a committed relationship with the very first person they ever dated? Not many, I suspect, and it would be rather odd if that weren't so. After all, it is only through experience that we discover what we are looking for in a partner and what we ourselves need to do to make a relationship successful. For many of us, this process of trial and error takes a while. It took me, your humble correspondent, until the age of 46 to find the woman I wanted to marry (or perhaps more accurately, the woman who wanted to marry me).
The implications for the workplace are this: The odds against an office romance succeeding are just slightly better than what you'd find at the worst casino in Las Vegas. When you lose at roulette or keno, though, you're out only a couple of bucks (if you're smart), and that's the end of it. When you lose the game of love at the office, you still have to face the other person day after day. That constant reminder of a relationship that didn't work out is a painful burden to bear, and it can affect how well you are able to do your job, which is the main, if not sole, reason we're employed in the first place.
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
"But I know a couple who met at work a long time ago and they're still together," you say. Even if that's true, we often overlook the downside such relationships have for other employees. If co-workers Jane Doe and Joe Schmoe are still going strong, and they're in the same department, when Joe goes into Jane's office and closes the door, will others think the two need privacy for work—or for something spicier? If Jane and Joe break up, will the tension in the air make it difficult for others to do their jobs effectively? The workplace shouldn't be a sexualized environment or one fraught with the fallout of a failed relationship.
A romance between two people at work affects more than just those two people. The love-struck couple may not notice or care about this, but they should. Since ethics is fundamentally about considering how our actions affect the rights and well-being of other people, romantic relationships on the job raise bona fide ethical concerns.
POWER STRUGGLE
Dating a fellow employee is tricky enough when the parties in question have the same or similar levels of power and authority within the organization. When there is a significant imbalance of power, such as between a senior and junior-level executive or an executive and his or her assistant, the stakes are even higher, and the ethical problems are more pronounced. Suppose, for example, you are a manager, and a new member of your team seems particularly friendly toward you.
Are her smiles meant to be warm, flirtatious, or alluring? Is she simply a kind and caring person, is she interested in you romantically, or is she trying to curry favor with you? It's hard to know, especially if you are attracted to her, and there is nothing like physical attraction to make it difficult to think straight.
Let's suppose you are convinced she is not just a lovely person but is genuinely attracted to you. So you summon the courage to ask her out. Here is what can happen next:
A) She is aghast you've misunderstood her, and she now feels uncomfortable around you.
B) You have read the signs correctly, and she happily accepts your invitation because she really would like to get to know you better.
C) She is thrilled she has been able to manipulate you and is confident she'll be able to get what she wants from you and the company.
It doesn't matter which result occurs (or, for that matter, what the gender of either party is). All of the above are deeply problematic. If "A" happens, you have taken steps toward the creation of an offensive or hostile working environment and may have opened yourself and your company to a legitimate charge of sexual harassment. If "B" is what you get, the going may be great for a while but when the relationship fizzles, as it probably will, one or both of you will in all likelihood have to go. "C," of course, has disturbing implications in another direction, which I need not make explicit.
QUESTIONABLE PRACTICE
By the same token, if you have a fling with your boss that flames out, and you later don't get the promotion or raise you were counting on, can you be sure the broken romance wasn't the reason why? Can your boss?
We all know of a couple that met under inauspicious circumstances (boss/assistant, professor/student, therapist/patient), and today they are happily married or have been living in a committed relationship for many years. To borrow an expression from jurisprudence, however, hard cases make bad law. Just because a few folks here and there have been able to overcome the odds does not mean this practice is, for most people, wise, healthy, or ethical.
BUT IF YOU MUST
You may still find yourself irresistibly drawn to someone at work and, in spite of the above arguments, you intend to follow your heart (or whatever). I propose the following guidelines for such circumstances:
1. Proceed with your eyes wide open. Be prepared to accept the consequences, whether or not the relationship succeeds. If co-workers complain or your work suffers, you may have to be transferred to another department, or you may even lose your job, so have a backup plan for employment.
2. Be discreet. Even if everyone in the office knows love is in the air, do your best to avoid PDAs (i.e., public displays of affection, not personal digital assistants. I'll discuss those distractions in a future column).
3. Just don't do it if the object of your affection is your boss or assistant. There is no good way to effectively handle such relationships other than preventing them from happening in the first place.
In the workplace, the duties to do no harm, be respectful, and be fair mean we ought to think carefully about how our actions can affect our employer, our co-workers, and ourselves. Thus, there are good reasons to turn down Cupid's call for a chance at romance on the job. When Freud suggested that work and love are the two essential components of a happy life, I don't think he meant that we should find them in the same place.
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