Waking up to the loud voices of my floor mates, I sleepily lifted the covers off my body, threw one leg out of my bed, and stepped to the cold floor. Searching with my feet for my black slippers, I stumbled out of bed completely, and walked slowly down the hall to the bathroom.
With more energy, I walked back to my room. Outside the door I could hear the phone ringing. Pushing the wooden door open with great force, I ran to the phone, picked it up, and found out who was on the other end. It was George! We talked for a while and everything seemed to be good. His mood was more delightful and I was glad he didn’t snap at me for not answering the phone on the first ring. I also got the chance to explain to him that I needed to go out with friends and do things around campus. I told him it was part of the college experience, something he couldn’t understand being that he went straight into the army after high school. He unwillingly agreed with what I was saying, but I still felt controlled and limited in what I was allowed to do. I wasn’t very happy about his taking on that matter. After our conversation, I sat there and thought about how I had left my country for further studies. I moved to another country but I never actually felt any kind of transition. Some things had been with me in my life for more than those three years. Nothing felt new to me. I missed out on the transition phase to the next step of my life. I missed out on becoming independent and mature! I knew that this year in school would be different. After all, I was going to be junior by the end of this semester and that meant only one last year in United States. I was going to find the real me that is just aching to get out. This was my chance; all I had to do was get out there and do it!
After realizing how much time had passed, it was time to go to that band party. At about 10:30, my friends came and picked me up from my dorm. We arrived there and there was no list. I remembered how attractive Chris was. I tried to look extra good so maybe, he would remember me, too.
The room was dark with the band up front. Heat from the band and people dancing radiated. An instant sweat surfaced on my body. I wanted a cold drink to cool me down, but they had only beer and I wasn’t used to that, even after three years in college. Down the wooden stairs, in the basement, the party continued. I got a glimpse of Chris talking to another guy in the corner. Too shy to talk to him, I grabbed my friends and went outside. That was when Chris walked out too, walked over, and introduced himself. “Hey there, I remember you Kyproulla right?”
“Yes,” I said with my big smile on my face.
“So, how come and I never saw you before.”
“Well, I don’t know, I was around,” that caught off guard. What was I suppose to tell him? My boyfriend had and probably still has some problems with that? I don’t think so. I wanted to sound cool.
“Do you want to go inside?” he asked, while I happily agreed without second thought.
The band was rocking the crowd. Screams of excitement filled the room. I stood in the back, hesitant to force my way up to the front. Chris walked in front of me, holding my hand and started to dance on his own. I smiled at him, knowing something was going to happen. I could feel the attraction between us. All memories of my boyfriend vanished. Chris danced his way closer and closer to me and, finally, put his arm around me and we started to dance in rhythm. The kiss was coming, and when it did, it felt as if I were in heaven. My face tingled and my body felt numb. The room started to spin and life seemed like a dream. Soon after the kiss, the party ended and he walked me back to my dorm.
Once we got back to my dorm, he asked me for my number. Happily, I gave it to him. He kissed me goodnight. After he left, I smiled to myself because I was excited that he liked me and excited that I got what I wanted. Then it occurred to me, I had a boyfriend. Standing up, I caught sight of his picture; I called George.
“We need to talk,” I said in a very cool and collected manner. I could sense that my boyfriend knew what I was about to say. His voice got soft and quiet, as if he were fighting off tears and that choking feeling that comes over you when you get nervous. I told him that I needed to take our relationship to a level where we would be free to date others. My reasoning behind this was so I wouldn’t feel guilty if I kissed another guy, and so that I could go out and do what I wanted, without wondering if my boyfriend would approve. His reply to this was “Whatever. That’s what you want anyway.”
How could he be so insensitive? Even though I got what I wanted, why didn’t I feel better? I sat curled up in my bed, letting my thoughts run through my mind with the phone ringing but couldn’t hear the tone, only the red dot flashing and flashing. My roommate came. “Hey, lazy get up. Do you wanna go and eat something? Come on, rise and shine.”
“Ok,” I said but I was still curled up in my bed. I realized that I needed to take one day at a time and let nature run its course.
Monday night came and, finally, I got a call from Chris. We talked for about an hour and I had never met a guy that was so much like me. We both loved going to movies, partying, reading, not cooking, and so much more. Everything George wasn’t, this guy was. Chris and I clicked right away.
“Do you want to go for dinner and a movie on Friday?” I was smiling when he said, “as long as you don’t have anything else planned.” He couldn’t even imagine how I needed this. “Yes, sure, I would love to.”
That Friday night came and Chris picked me up at my dorm. He was wearing a blue and white plaid, button-down, long-sleeved shirt and khaki pants with brown shoes. I was wearing black pants and my favorite purple top. We went for dinner and then to the movies.
“Would you like something to drink? I am going to get something for me so do you want something?” Chris asked me.
I was nervous, “No, thank you, I’m fine.”
I don’t really remember the movie we watched, but I do remember Chris holding my hand at the theatre. He was a complete gentleman. He opened all doors for me, he paid in advance for the tickets and for dinner, and he even let me pick where we were to sit for the movie. Finally, I went on a real date, not just hanging out in a living room with friends, like George and I used to do. Not that those types of dates weren’t fun, but it got old. I wanted to experience what a mature man could offer, and here I was, my first date with Chris and already I felt something spark in my heart. But I didn’t set my hopes high.
For the next few weeks, I had many opportunities to get to know Chris. I went to the house many nights and became friends with his friends. I met all the Greeks. We even talked on the phone the nights I didn’t go out. George and I kept in contact, too. My heart was filled with joy when I was with Chris; yet it was heartbreaking when I lost my first love. I was confused about what I wanted, and then, I came to a decision. I had a past with George and a special connection with him. I missed him. I called George every night and emailed him more often. We became close again and we both couldn’t wait until I got back home for my summer break.
On the other hand, I told Chris about George and the whole relationship with him (which I will spare you all the details). Yet, Chris and I still talked, though it looked like we would just be friends for the time being.
As the weeks passed, I decided to join some international clubs and organizations. I told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t have time to talk to him as much because of these time constraints. This was when the fighting began again and along came the cursing, the arguing, and the control that he took over me. He was across the world and he owned me. When I told him of the clubs, I threatened with his power over me. I felt that he couldn’t love me. I argued that a person who loved someone would not stand in the way of her living her life. I joined the clubs even though I was told not to. But our relationship became a fighting match via telephone, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to smile again; I wanted to focus on my life, not my relationship that was distanced by geography, as well as words. That was when I got enough courage to break it off; I had to end my relationship with him, even though something made me love him through all this suffering.
That night, even though I suggested the break up, I was upset and my heart felt like it broke into little pieces. Chris was there to console me and make me realize I was better off. This way, I was able to live my life without the pressures of anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. That night, as I sat in his back veranda, I looked into Chris’ eyes; I felt the same way that I felt at the party when I met him and on our first date.
Soon, I felt like a heavy load was lifted off my heart and I could breathe without hesitating about the consequences. I smiled for the first time in weeks. I felt for the first time like a true college student experiencing life in a new light.
As the days passed, Chris and I got to know each other better, spending a lot of our free time together. Then, the question came up, “What are we?” My heart stopped, I held my breath and replied, shaking, “I don’t know!” And that was the truth. I wasn’t sure what we were. I wanted to date him but I had relationship issues from my break up, and though weeks had passed, I still wasn’t over my boyfriend. I, also, wanted time to find myself and become the person I wanted to be. You can’t take years of your life and forget about it in four weeks; the transition phase of life gradually inches its way through time. But I figured that I shouldn’t lose Chris. I just knew that would be a bad idea. I told him I wanted to see him.
From that moment to this very day, Chris and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend. I am happy and he respects me; he gives me the freedom I need to do the things that all college students choose to do. He understands me because he is just like me. Love is very special, something that shouldn’t be rushed. Though Chris and I have fights, as every relationship does, we still care about each other and both express what we are feeling. To me, this relationship is a mature one, where both people work equally hard to have a meaningful relationship. I guess it also helps to have a relationship that is local and where both people are on the same page in their life.
My ex-boyfriend is a different chapter in my life-story. He didn’t have a real job, responsibility, and didn’t have the opportunity to attend school. I, luckily, do have this opportunity, my responsibility is limited, and now I have more freedom. To me, college is a transition process from childhood to real life. Besides the need to make my own decisions, this difference in lifestyles led to my realization that I needed something new. My love for George is still there, though it is fainter than it used to be. However, for the time being, my feelings for Chris grow stronger everyday. Memories of George get pushed farther and farther to the back of my mind. My life is beginning to be mine, not George’s, not Chris’s, or anyone else’s!
Living life to the fullest is one of my goals. The only way to do that, sometimes, is to let go of things or people that hold you back. Not that I want to sound like everything is great and there aren’t any consequences of that. But I can say that I am happy, and it kind of turned out that way. Even though love was left behind, I know I can find it again in life, in my new boyfriend, in my friends, in myself. Finding myself in this whole mess was the one important thing that came out of it. Not only did I find myself, but also, I found the beginnings of a new love along the way. The fights I do have only make my relationships stronger and they make me realize where I need to work on my own personality.
