My first hand experience of marriage and family has not been an extremely pleasant one. My parents divorced when I was eleven, which caused an obvious disruption in my childhood. Although, I was very upset about the divorce, I was able to adjust to the new lifestyle, and at times, I can remember actually enjoying having two homes. The real blow that came to destroy my idea of what family was, occurred when I found out that my father had been having an affair since I was eight – three years before the divorce occurred. The acquisition of this knowledge shook my very existence to the core. I began to question everything that I had come to believe about not only family in general, but about my father as a person. Although my family was always close while I was growing up, I feel as though the combination of my parents divorce coupled with the knowledge of my father’s infidelity halted the continuation of growth in the closeness of our family.
Marriage in the socioeconomic environment in which I was raised seemed to always be very shallow. Parents flaunted their children as if they were new show items in their houses. There was always too much emphasis on money and not enough on family. My family, up until the divorce, I felt to be a fairly good exception to that pattern of living. Once the divorce occurred, however, no amount of money was good enough for anyone. There was always an issue regarding child support, alimony, or some other form of monetary exchange. In the case of my family, divorce transformed marriage from a loving and “life-long” commitment to one another into a bitter war with no positive outcome.
I feel as though one cannot speak about his of her reason without drawing from his or her experience. I believe that experience shapes and even helps to create one’s reason or common sense. My grandfather always told me that no sense is common. Everyone’s gets their sense or senses from different experiences of which they have been a part. My natural sense of what is right and what is wrong tells me that while married, one should always be faithful and honest to your partner as well as your entire family. In the case of my family as well as others of which I know, it was not the actual divorce that caused the damage, but more the discovery of infidelity or some other form of dishonesty among the family that created most of the pain. I do not think that there is anything wrong with two honest people deciding that they can no longer remain together. I believe that in some cases, if the divorce is handled properly, that it can actually be beneficial to the children. This would be true in the cases of families in which there is a lot of fighting or tension in general. The whole idea is to protect the children as much as possible and to remain two loving and caring parents to that child even when it is no longer possible to treat each other the same way. This is no easy task and I have yet to meet a family who has accomplished it perfectly. However, the better this general idea is followed, I believe the less harm will be caused to the children, and the happier the family will be when the smoke settles from the upheaval of the divorce process. The fact is that everyone’s life will move on and I think the goal should be to ensure that the children’s lives are as unchanged as possible when they are ready to take that difficult and trying step of moving on.
When thinking about WHAT marriage is, it is difficult for me to picture many happy marriages. Perhaps the fact that I was raised in an area where divorce occurred frequently has something to do with my perception. More importantly, however, I believe that human beings, by nature, are inherently evil. We are, aside from ants, the only species which declares organized war on itself. This is not to say that I believe all humans are evil and that even the ones who are have no hope. I am simply saying that we must be extremely careful about how we approach relationships, especially those involving children, because we as humans seem to have an amazing ability to hurt one another.
This is the point in which the importance of communication can be seen. Because I believe that any human, left to his or her own devices, will do more harm than good, communication is vital within a family. This point is particularly relevant in dealing with children. Children, more than anyone within a family, need the guidance and experience of the adults. Once a child has become isolated from his or her family and his or sense of familial ties in general, that is when I believe he or she will get into real trouble. Humans, for the most part, need to feel as though they belong to something, and what is better to belong to than a caring, loving, understanding and nurturing family?
Once communication ability and comfort are established within a marriage or a family, rules need to be made and followed. The trick here is to make rules that promote the safety and protection of one’s family, without isolating or pushing anyone away – especially the children. Rules must always be open to change, and must be made and enforced in an atmosphere in which it is safe to discuss them.
I am not entirely sure as to how god is involved in a marriage or family. I think that is clearly a decision that each family must make for itself. I can say, however, that I am adamantly opposed to the idea of marriage as an institution in which some people are not worthy enough to be included. Specifically, the idea that homosexuals cannot be legally recognized as a married couple is beyond my comprehension. To me, this restriction is completely analogous to the Nuremberg Laws of 1935, set in place by Nazi Germany to limit the rights of its Jewish citizens. I understand that some people believe that homosexuality is immoral, and while I do not agree with that opinion, I certainly respect the right of those individuals to feel that way. What I cannot and will not ever support is the formation of laws to restrict the rights of individuals simply because it makes certain people uncomfortable. There is no official religion of this country, and therefore, it is entirely inappropriate to create laws based on a religious moral judgment of other people. Obviously, in the case of murder or any other crime in which someone is harmed or killed, there lies an exception. Homosexuals are protected by the same discrimination act as women, minorities, disabled and chemically dependent people in this country. So why are they not protected in the case of marriage? Is it appropriate for a law to state that a recovering alcoholic cannot marry because he or she does not represent the “typical” American citizen? All the coffeehouse talk about this topic is simply a smokescreen to divert attention away from the fact that the civil and human rights of homosexuals in this country are being violated. There is discrimination of the worst kind going on at this very moment, and the opinions of lawmakers in the country are preventing certain people from fulfilling their God-given right of a pursuit of their happiness.