The groom’s family in turn presented the bride’s family with a shalwar suit for the bride, and other gifts and sweets for the family. This is to represent that the groom’s family has accepted their ‘Shagun’ and their daughter, and they promise to keep her as their own. The bride’s family left the groom’s house by evening. Everyone, of different ages, was discussing different things over dinner. The elders were talking about the wedding arrangements; the teenagers were busy deciding their outfits for the days to come; while the kids were, well, just enjoying dinner. They rather concentrate on filling their stomachs; their parents would dress them up anyway!
As I sat and observed, I realized the amount of love and sharing that the wedding promoted. It was an excellent example of bonding between the two families, and a great social event.
The next morning, ‘Haldi’ was being performed at both the groom’s house as well as the bride’s house. The groom was asked to dress only in a plain white pajama. The ladies of the house had prepared ‘Haldi’ for him. ‘Haldi’ is just turmeric, mixed with some milk and a little saffron. The application of ‘Haldi’ is a sacred ceremony, which purifies both the body, and the soul. It is jokingly said that ‘Haldi’ ensures that the bride and groom will attain a fair complexion. The ladies of the house then started applying ‘Haldi’ on the groom’s hands, his face and his legs. It was funny as well as enjoyable to watch, but I am sure it would not have been funny for the groom! All of us got a chance to apply a little ‘Haldi’ on the groom.
Later in the night, we got ready for the cocktail party. The bride’s family had been invited over to the banquet hall for the cocktail. We were all dressed in formal western attire. I must say, the bride and groom were looking amazing in their gown and suit. We got a chance to meet the bride’s side while they were mingling with ours. The cocktail was a lot of fun and everyone danced till they dropped. We all danced to the bhangra numbers. ‘Bhangra’ is a traditional Sikh form of dance, characterized by fast dhol (drum) beats. I guess the alcohol acted as the energy booster as well as a stress reliever. It was a great way to loosen up!
The next day, the morning started slow, as everyone had a late night. We then started getting ready for the ‘Ladies sangeet’ function, for which we had been invited to the bride’s home. Although synonymous with the bridal shower, it is celebrated equally amongst both the families. We then took ‘mehndi’ (henna) to the bride’s house, which she would be applying to her hands and legs later in the evening. The women played the ‘dholki’, a musical instrument, and also sang ‘suhaag’, which is representative of a folk song. All the songs include subtle jokes about their in-laws, and how to have a successful marriage, and on the bride leaving her parents home. Traditionally only women celebrated this ceremony, but nowadays this concept has changed as both men and women participate in this function.
The same evening, we had arranged ‘sangeet’ at the groom’s house. It was a little less formal, as everyone was busy getting ‘mehndi’ or henna applied to his or her hands. Both the bride and groom would be adorned with ‘mehndi’. It is an Asian wedding tradition, dates back to Mughal times. The hands and feet are intricately patterned with a paste of henna, oil, lemon juice and water steeped in tealeaves. ‘Mehndi’ is supposed to symbolize the strength of love in a marriage. Hence the darker the designs and color, the stronger the bonded love. All the guests got ‘mehndi’ applied to their hands, and I must say it was beautiful to see so many hands adorned with pretty patterns. The night was young and we all went on to sing wedding songs, and dance to the tunes of the ‘dholki’. We sang all kinds of songs and everyone danced in joy. The bride’s family was invited to the groom’s house to join us in the celebration, but that did not include the bride, as she was getting her ‘mehndi’ applied. Also, the bride is not supposed to move out of her house after her ‘chooda’ (bangles) have been put on her hands and ‘mehndi’ has been applied.
The next morning was the big day! It was the day of the ‘Anand Karaj’. As the ceremony had to be performed in a nearby Gurdwara, we had to depart before noon with the ‘barat’, the groom accompanied by his family and friends. In the morning, the groom’s family member’s read verses from the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, and offered their prayers. Everyone performed ‘Ardas’, the common prayer of the Sikh. The groom was then handed over the ceremonial sword, the ‘Kirpan’ from his uncle. Everyone then bowed before the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The groom then received a mouthful of traditional Indian sweets from his family members, representing a sweet start to his new married life. Close family members and friends departed the house together to the nearby Gurudwara, singing traditional wedding songs along the way.
Keeping old Sikh tradition alive, it had been arranged for the groom to arrive by horse back. Thus, in the parking lot of the Gurudwara, the groom mounted his horse. As the groom mounted on the horseback, his sisters fed the horse with ‘chana dal’ and put some decorative hangings around the horse’s neck. This is to symbolize that the groom’s sister’s were there to wish him all the very best in his married life. We all then followed close behind him. We arrived to the Gurudwara to find the bride’s family and friends waiting anxiously for our arrival.
There were ‘Ragis’ singing songs when the two families met. Both the families then offered ‘Ardas’ together. The next event was the ‘milni’ where one by one, designated members from both the families exchanged garlands and hugs with one another, tactically accepting each other as ‘family’.
The ‘Ragis’ performed ‘Kirtan’ as people began to enter the Gurudwara to begin the ceremony. Men and women sat on opposite sides of the Gurudwara hall at equal distances from Sri Guru Granth Sahib. Non-Sikh male and female visitors and guests could usually sit together if they wished, but were supposed to cover their heads in respect to the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The groom and his parents entered and he presented cash offering as well as a ‘rumala’, which is a new silk covering for Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The groom then sat before Sri Guru Granth Sahib and listened to Kirtan as he awaited the bride’s arrival. The bride soon arrived and made her first appearance of the day. The bride and her family arrived at the Gurudwara and paid their respect to the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The bride, looking fabulous in her pink salwar suit, was adorned with expensive jewellery. She came and sat on the left side of the groom, while she waited for the ceremony to begin.
The ‘granthi’ or the caretaker of the Granth Sahib sat in attendance to the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The ceremony officially began with the ‘granthi’ after having ascertained that both the bride and groom are of Sikh faith, asked the couple as well as the parents to stand up for ‘Ardas’. This family Ardas indicated to the public the consent of both the parties involved in his marriage. Every time the bride and groom arose or sat down during the ceremony, they bowed down to Sri Guru Granth Sahib out of respect by touching their foreheads to the ground. After ‘Ardas’ the couple sat down and the officiate then lectured the couple in the significance of marriage, their duties and obligations to each other’s as equal partners. The couple indicated their agreement to these guidelines and principles by bowing down before Sri Guru Granth Sahib again. The father of the bride then placed one end of a scarf or sash, which is worn by the groom over his shoulders, in his daughter’s hand signifying that she is now leaving his care to join her husband. Then officiates reads the ‘Lavan hymn of Guru Ram Das’ which is composed of four stanzas. The four stanzas of the hymns describe the progression of love between a husband and wife, which is analogous to that between the soul (bride) and God (the husband). After the conclusion of the recitation of each stanza, the groom followed by the bride, holding the end of the scarf, went around Sri Guru Granth Sahib in a clockwise direction, while the ragis sang out the recited ‘Lavan’ stanza. After each round the couple sat down and listened while officiates read the next stanza. The ragis then sang it while the couple completed another walk around Sri Guru Granth Sahib. This process was repeated four times in total for each stanza of the ‘Lavan’ after which the couple sat down. During their walk around Sri Guru Granth Sahib, often there were be members of the bride’s family who helped her complete her rounds with her husband. This is to signify their support for her as she leaves one family for another.
After the ‘Lavan’, the ‘Anand’ hymn by Guru Amar Das was recited. This was followed by lectures and ‘shabd’ kirtan. The entire congregation standing for the final Ardas of the marriage formally concluded the religious ceremony. The newly joined couple fed each other fruits and sweets as a first act of marriage. After this, the Sri Guru Granth Sahib is now opened to any page at random and the hymn was read out as says ‘order’ from the Guru for the occasion, which is called as ‘hukam Nama’. Later, ‘Karah Prashad’, a ceremonial sacred pudding was distributed between everyone to mark the formal conclusion of the ceremony.
The couple then touched the feet of their elders, in order to obtain their ‘sadka’ or blessings. Their parents followed by other guests, offered the newly weds ‘sagan’, as gifts in the form of cash, into their laps. Everyone then left for the dining hall to sit on the floor in ‘langer’, which is the community kitchen, and enjoyed a meal in the spirit of equality and humility.
The couple ate in the ‘langer’ hall and chatted with friends and family. They later went to a park to have some photographs taken and then journeyed to the bride’s home. When leaving her home the bride’s family and friends bid her a tearful farewell, as she was leaving their home and departing to her new home and beginning a new life. While leaving her parent’s home, the bride filled both her hands with rice grains, and threw them over her head, towards her home. This is symbolic of her gratitude towards her parents, who took care of her and also wished them a prosperous future.
The couple drove to the groom’s house in a car, which was decorated with rose petals. When she arrived at the groom’s house, the groom’s mother along with his sisters and friends welcomed her at the door. They then demanded the groom to give them some cash. His mother then poured some mustard oil in the corners of the door. This symbolizes that the groom’s mother welcomed the newly weds into the house, and accepted her daughter-in-law with love. Before the bride could enter the groom’s house, she was told to drip both her hands in red paint, and place them on the adjacent wall of the house, in order to keep her handprints on this house. She then received a warm welcome into her new house. Other elders of the house then offered presents to the newly wed couple and also asked to play a game, in which one ring were immersed in milk and water, and the couple was asked to find the ring It is said that who ever finds the ring is the one who will dominate the partner in their married life. It was a very interesting game to watch. Assumingly, the bride won! We all then collectively teased the groom, saying that he would have to surrender to his new wife. After some other such games and chatting, the bride and groom were sent to their lavishly decorated bedroom, adorned with flowers. The groom’s family presented the guests with small gifts in order to thank them for their attendance and also for their wishes.
Overall, it was an amazing experience, and I enjoyed every part of it. It helped me learn a lot about Sikh traditions, and I also got to wear beautiful Indian dresses. At the end of it, it was the most exciting and fun week for me. I absolutely loved it!
