As I tell about genocide, I have the opportunity to redeem myself. What role does guilt play in the survivors lives.
As I tell about genocide, I have the opportunity to redeem myself. What role does guilt play in the survivors lives.
The Khmer Rouge oppressed the people physically and politically, but it was the colonization of their minds, that was their greatest evil triumph. In times of civil war, Loung shows us that even the youngest and most innocent internalise the guilt for the wrongs done by those much older and much more powerful. Those who should own the guilt successfully transfer it to their victims through the imposition of such dire need that conventional morality in rendered impotent. Loung has previously internalised her parents conventional values and she continues to assess behaviours by these outdated mores. Throughout this memoir, Loung conveys to us the layers of guilt that emerge from surviving a traumatic event and their eternal effect on the survivors lives.
The lengths which Loung take to survive parallel the principles extolled by the Angkar, emanating an intense guilt. The food shortage in Cambodia and the fluctuating rations results in an intense hunger. This hunger dictates Loung’s actions to such an extent that she steals rice from her family and later, from an old lady at the infirmary. Through Loungs’ childish perspective, these actions implicate herself as a factor in other peoples sufferings. As she steals rice from the old woman Loung believes she has “helped kill her”. Loung associates stealing from her families store of with directly with Geak’s starvation, describing her actions as stealing, “the food from her mouth”. She assesses herself according to the values before the takeover, and thus feels an intense guilt for her actions. Survival can breed atrocities as well as the ability to oppose the totalitarian regime. We see the repudiation of human values and the perpetuation of violence. Loungs guilt at her survival arises from her belief that she trampled on others to ensure it, mirroring the ruthlessness of the Angkar. The guilt of this permeates her life though she makes attempts to “shut out” the tragedies as demonstrated by her eagerness to “immerse herself in American culture”. These feelings drive her to justify her own survival by lending acknowledgement and increasing awareness of those who didn’t survive and giving them a voice.
