She married at the age of 23 and moved into a flat in Roehampton Village, approximately a mile away from Wimbledon Village. Soon she bought her first house on Kingston Hill outside Richmond Park where she gave birth to her only child. Two years later she moved to a big house in Ham by the River Thames. During the next few years she started her own estate agency with her ex-husband.
In 1996, at the age of five and a half, one autumn evening seeing my parents together became non-existent. Suddenly my mother and I were the only souls living in this big house. Unknown to many, he left one autumn, Tuesday night without reason, except saying to my mother he had had enough, and could not live the lies. Not understanding what I saw and not knowing anything that had occurred during the last few days, he came to collect me on Sunday, whilst he insisted that my mother should leave the house when he arrived. I witnessed him taking his after-shave, and pillows. We then went out to a flat and he introduced me to his ‘lady friend’. Oblivious to everything, his excuse to me was that he would not be staying with us for a while, and that ‘he was changing, just like people change as they grow older.’
When I enquired what it all meant, I was told that little girls should not be so nosy, meaning me. That night I had a nightmare or maybe I had finally realised that this was it; he would never come back to us as he loved someone else. I cried and I remember throwing up in bed repeatedly saying, “He has taken his pillows, mum”.
It was at this point that my mother came to know and accepted that he was having an extra-marital affair. The days drifted past, with my mother hiding her tear-stained face from me hoping I would not notice, yet the nights dragged on. He had moved out and the evenings became the only time I supposedly got to see him. Yet his ‘lady’ would ring him after 7.00, soon after he would arrive, to say his dinner was ready; his ‘lady’ was very insecure. In view of this, we seldom ‘spent time with each other’ because he used to arrive so late, which just left putting me to sleep. This simply involved him sitting on a chair beside me, waiting for me to fall asleep. This new practice only lasted four days after his departure. I was occasionally treated to him and my mother fighting, in low voices over me, whilst she sat on the bed next to me.
The high was soon followed by the low. In July 1997, we were forced out of the house in Ham which we had been staying in. He had sold the house, as he got himself into big debts by living a high life in the fast lane. We were forced to move out within three weeks. Fortunately my naivety did not completely overcome me and I was able to understand some of the on goings. In addition to this, I tried to help my mother as much as I could, without being too much of a hindrance. Even so, I did not want my mother to realise I understood what was happening. I became aware that with her knowing what I understood would have only made her worry about me instead of concentrating on the more important matters. Eventually, we achieved the almost impossible, and we returned to our house in Kingston where the tenants were fortunately, moving out to go abroad. Looking back now, this moment was rather humorous; my mother went to the Kingston house at 6.00 am and waited outside because he also wanted to move in, since he was renting nearby. It was a race of who got inside the house first, him or us.
After we moved, seeing him became a thing of the past. The court ordered him to take me out every other Sunday on his own. Once again this did not last, because he insisted on playing ‘happy family’ with his ‘lady’ friend, who was like a little girl herself of about 4’ 9” in height and aged 20 at the time. Ultimately these so called visits stopped when I refused to go out with both him and the ‘lady’. Every fortnight there would be a drama outside the house, with my mother being warned by the court not to interfere with him and I. The result for me was being pushed back into the house through an open kitchen window by him, after arguing for almost three hours with him outside. Adding to all this, my mother obeyed the court order not to open the front door until we had spent our allocated time with each other, which was ordered by the Circuit Judge. This was the final straw for him and he took a restraining order out against me. This forbade me from seeing him at any time, due to his own wish.
He filed for divorce six months after he left in March 1997, yet my mother with her persistent attitude, refused to accept his allegations and accusations. She defended her divorce case, where she represented herself many times, and despite the delicate situation in which she found herself, she won all appeals.
The final divorce case took place in August 1998, when I was seven, where the judge denied him a divorce which meant he would have to wait for five years before he could be free to marry again.
For me, I was still as naïve as ever, however, I tried to retain my joy in school that day when I was called out during a maths lesson and told that my mother had won her defended divorce case. Nevertheless I was not prepared for the numerous questions of ‘Is everything ok at home?’ or ‘Do you want to talk about anything?’ asked by the teachers, after the secretary gave me the news. Nonetheless I rather enjoyed the little murmur that ran through the class as I re-entered the room. It was very rare to be called out during a lesson and it almost always brought bad news such as family bereavements. In this case it was my mother’s victory.
I soon grew used to not seeing him and my mother’s and my life rapidly changed for the better. In 1999 my mother met her knight in shining armour. The love and joy he gave us both is truly unmatched. She married her beloved in 2003, and for me my prayers have been answered as I only ever wanted to see my mother smiling again.
Some people say your biological parents are more important than life, but I disagree. For me, my guardian angel is truly my ‘new’ dad, and the bond we share is indescribable.
Finally, my mother’s real struggle and success have taught me many things. One should not take life for granted, they ought to embrace life as it comes and live it to the fullest. Most of all, I admire and respect my mother’s strength and will-power. She never allowed her downfall to interfere in my upbringing. She grew stronger every time she hit an obstacle, and her determination to succeed was and still is greater than ever. I pray that her life is always filled with joy and happiness till her last breath.
‘My Own Experience’ is a conjoined biography and semi-autobiography, which was written in an extempore fashion. It begins with the life and journey of my mother and has been written in the third person. The writing continues on to the memoirs of my early childhood years, starting from when I was five and a half, which has been written in the first person. I think the personal pronoun variation is an effective way of allowing the audience to observe and understand the story from two individuals of separate eras. ‘My Own Experience’ was written for no particular audience nor aimed at any age range. However an older, more mature reader would understand and appreciate the depth and meaning of this story more than younger, less experienced readers.
