The online dating industry as a whole is currently worth millions of dollars each year, and it is expected to continue to grow in the upcoming future. In 2003, it was reported that 40 million Americans had visited an online dating site and, in 2005, it was estimated that total revenues for the online dating industry would reach $516 million (Varian C2). There are currently hundreds of dating services to be found on the Internet. In addition to Match.com, some of the more popular sites include LavaLife, Date.com, Yahoo! Personals, FriendFinder.com, Oneandonly.com, Lycos Matchmaker, eHarmony.com, and DatingDirect.com (in the United Kingdom). Most of the sites charge a monthly fee (approximately $25-$35) for full membership; however, most sites also allow users to sample their services for free (“A Practical Guide” 13).
The concept of “niche services” is a growing trend in the online dating industry. In other words, an increasing number of Internet users are becoming interested in dating services that are designed to serve “highly specialized” needs (Goel 26). One of the fastest growing of the market segments is found among elderly persons. In 2005, Yahoo! Personals conducted its third annual “Singles’ Voice Survey,” with more than 2,000 participants responding. The results of this survey indicated that the number of “mature online dates” (age 50 and up) was on the rise (“Yahoo! Personals” n. p.). Similarly, Match.com recently discovered that “10% of its 15 million members are age 50 or older” (“A Practical Guide” 13). Various sites catering exclusively to older daters have appeared on the Internet, including SilverSingles.com and Senior FriendFinder. In addition, a large number of other sites have been launched in order to appeal to a variety of specialized interests. These include Blacksingles.com (for African Americans), and Christiansingles.com (for Christians) (Merrick R16). Other special interest sites include Gay.com and GreenSingles.com. There are also sites for Jewish singles, pet lovers, and people who are politically conservative or liberal (Goel 26). Still other dating sites are “personality-focused” and are designed to sort “for compatibility based on very in-depth personality questionnaires” (Goel 26).
The Online Dating Experience
People turn to the use of online dating services because they are seeking a new way to meet potential relationship partners. According to a survey of 3,400 Internet users conducted by Nielsen/NetRatings in 2005, one in three respondents said they preferred online dating over all other methods for meeting prospective partners (“Online Dating Survey” n. p.). A survey by Match.com found 49 percent of respondents claiming that online dating is better than “wasting time at bars” (“Online Dating Usage” n. p.). There is a growing acknowledgement that online dating is useful not only to “busy career people” but also to “the socially challenged population that feel more confident when online or interacting with technology” (“Online Dating” n. p.). There are also indications that the majority of people who use online dating services are seeking long-term relationships. A survey by Yahoo! Personals, for example, found that 75 percent of singles are looking for this type of relationship. Similarly, the Nielsen/NetRatings survey mentioned above found that 11 percent of online daters were looking for marriage (“Online Dating Survey” n. p.). Of course, some users of online dating services are merely looking for friendships or casual relationships. Furthermore, some users are primarily interested in “cybersex,” in which “safe sex” is practiced online by “swapping text based sexual fantasies” (“Online Dating” n. p.).
One of the most positive aspects of the online dating experience is found in how it opens up opportunities for finding suitable partners. Online dating has a great deal of appeal because it is a highly “efficient” way to meet people and get to know them (Ben-Ze’ev 50). It is convenient because it can be done at any time of the day or night from the comfort of one’s own home. In addition, a person can participate in an online date “without having to be out with your mates or dressed up to the nines” (Hill and Walmsley 48). Safety is another factor in the appeal of online dating; in this regard, “more than 80% of both males and females say that online dating is as safe or safer than meeting someone at a bar” (“Online Dating Soars in Popularity” n. p.).
Online dating seems safer in a psychological sense, as well. Many people are attracted to the use of online dating services because of they provide a sense of anonymity. Along with this, online dating services have the advantage of providing a “pool” of participants who are actively seeking relationships. Because of this, the services are useful in helping people overcome the feelings of vulnerability that often arises when trying to meet new people at a bar or other public place (Hill and Walmsley 48). Yet another advantage of the online dating experience is that it forces people “to judge others initially on their ideas rather than on their physical appearance,” and thus “enables individuals to connect on a very different level than they might face-to-face” (“Online Dating” n. p.). In short, online dating is a good way to get to know somebody before meeting face to face and is thus a good way to “weed out” undesirable prospects while avoiding the kinds of pitfalls that are associated with traditional forms of dating.
Online dating can also result in certain negative experiences as well. For example, online dating is less personal than traditional dating is. In addition, in online dating profiles, people often appear to be different than they really are. As noted by Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, this is one of the major problems in “actualizing” an online relationship (that is, transforming an online relationship into a successful offline relationship). According to Ben-Ze’ev, the actualization process might fail not only because of deception in a person’s profile, but also because people tend to use their imaginations to create an “illusion” about their prospective partners (140-141). Another drawback to online dating is found in the need to fill out questionnaires, which can sometimes be very lengthy and time-consuming. Online questionnaires can also feel like an intrusion of one’s privacy. In 2003, Internet Magazine had two reporters (one male and one female) visit four popular online dating sites and summarize their experiences. Both reporters agreed that “filling in lengthy questionnaires proved a chore and made online dating feel an unnatural way to meet people” (Hill and Walmsley 48).
Clearly, some online dating services are better than others and thus people will be inclined to choose one service over another. For example, a particular service will be more attractive if it has a known success rate and if it is reasonably priced. Some sites are appealing because of the extra features they provide. Such features might include articles offering information or advice, or workshops to help users get the most out of the service. In fact, “larger sites offer features that create full-scale communities oriented to finding a date” (Merrick R16). A particular site will be more attractive if it is well organized and easy to use. As noted, people also tend to shy away from sites that require the filling out of lengthy, in-depth questionnaires. (On the other hand, such questionnaires are helpful in making more compatible matches.) Yet another factor in choosing one site over another is the type of relationship that the user is looking for. Thus, “some people prefer the larger matchmakers because they offer a healthy candidate pool – a lot of fish in a big sea”; however, others prefer more targeted “niche” sites because they believe that “religion, ethnicity or another characteristic is a critical factor in choosing a potential mate” (Merrick R16).
Evaluation of the Online Dating Experience
There is a growing body of empirical and anecdotal evidence to show that online dating can be an effective means for making a romantic match or developing a long-term relationship. As noted by Ben-Ze’ev, the “actualization” of an online relationship (turning it into an offline relationship) is a natural step for most people (135). A study by Jeff Gavin and associates at the University of Bath (in England) examined the data of 229 people who used online dating services. The study showed that 94 percent of the respondents made face-to-face contact with the partners that they met online. Many of these contacts developed into long-term relationships. In addition, “of the relationships, 39 per cent were still going on at the time of the survey, and of these 24 percent had been going for at least a year, and eight percent for at least two years” (“Internet Dating” n. p.).
An extensive study on online dating was conducted in 2004 by Gunter Hitsch and Ali Hortacsu of the University of Chicago, and Dan Ariely of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. These researchers examined data from 30,000 users of an online dating service, who were living in San Diego and Boston at the time. The data were obtained from the users’ online profiles and from the weblogs they kept in regard to their online dating experiences. The basic findings of the study were not particularly surprising. For example, physical attractiveness was found to be an important factor in the process, and “women who post photos receive about twice as many e-mail messages as those who do not” (Varian C2). In addition, “men reporting incomes in excess of $250,000 received 156 percent more e-mail messages than those with incomes below $50,000” (Varian C2).
The majority of the participants – both male and female – were found to be looking for long-term relationships in their online dating experiences. However, it was also found that men are more inclined to seek casual relationships than women are. Thus, the results showed that 41 percent of women were seeking long-term relationships, 12 percent were seeking friendships, and 4 percent were seeking casual relationships. Among men, 37 percent were found to be seeking long-term relationships, 14 percent were seeking casual relationships, and 7 percent were seeking friendships (Hitsch, et al. 6-7). Hitsch, et al. also found that many of the participants were able to make some kind of “match” with online partners, as seen in the exchange of e-mail addresses or phone numbers, or the communication of a message such as “let’s meet.” Most of the matches were based on correlations of attractiveness, education, or income (Hitsch, et al. 25).
There is also anecdotal, or qualitative, evidence indicating that online dating can be a successful experience; however, this evidence also indicates that most people must go through a period of trial-and-error and disappointment at first. In the Internet Magazine experiment, in which a male and a female reporter described their experiences in visiting four popular online dating sites, the woman found that most of the responses to her profiles were from men that were simply not attractive to her. For the male reporter, the main problem was simply the discouragement of not receiving many responses at all (Hill and Walmsley 48). Further disappointments often occur when online partners seek to “actualize” their relationships in the offline world. As reported by Ben-Ze’ev, people are sometimes shocked or even disgusted when they meet their online partners face-to-face for the first time. As claimed by one woman, for example, “the reality of meeting him shattered my dream” (Ben-Ze’ev 139).
I have a friend who had similar results in her own personal experiences with online dating. As a divorced woman with two teenage children, she tried her luck by running an ad on the Yahoo! Personals site. She chose seven respondents to have coffee shop dates with. Six of the seven men proved to be unacceptable in one way or another. One man was simply not attractive to her, one man was overly aggressive, one man was a pothead, and three of the men were obviously interested primarily in sex. The seventh attempt however, proved to be a successful match and they are currently planning to be married. Thus, it can be seen that long-term relationships can be created with online dating services, but there is generally a need to “weed through” various prospects before arriving at a suitable one. Overall, it seems that the odds for forming a successful relationship online are similar to those for finding one with traditional, offline approaches. As stated by a New York Times reporter in regard to the findings of the study by Hitsch, et al., “online dating is no worse than other ways to meet people” (Varian C2).
Conclusion
Online dating has become a popular mainstream phenomenon, as well as a major source of business revenue. Hundreds of online dating services currently exist, many of which are designed to cater to specialized interests. Although there are some exceptions, most people who use online dating services are seeking long-term relationships. Online dating has become immensely popular because it provides a good way to meet prospective relationship partners. Online dating is appealing because it is more convenient and safer than trying to meet people at bars or other public settings. In addition, online dating is an efficient way to narrow down one’s prospects before arranging to meet them face-to-face. Along with this, some people are attracted to online dating because it helps to reduce the negative psychological impact of rejection (which might occur, for example, when one is turned down in a nightclub or a bar).
Although there are various positive aspects associated with the phenomenon of online dating, there are also some negative aspects to be found in the experience as well. For example, the sign-up questionnaires at some online dating sites are overly long and intrusive. However, the most likely reason for having a negative experience with online dating is because people may deceive others with their profile data. Related to this, people often develop illusory conceptions about their online partners prior to actually meeting them face-to-face. Because of these factors, online daters are often greatly disappointment when they finally make contact in the offline world. This can occur even when the online relationship has seemingly been very successful. In order to attain the best results with online dating, it is important for the partners to share as many compatibility traits as possible.
As discussed in this paper, there is both empirical and anecdotal evidence to show that long-term relationships are possible as a result of participating in online dating activities. However, the evidence also shows that the process may take a certain amount of time and effort and that one should expect many disappointments at first, before finally attaining a successful offline relationship. In using online dating services, better results can be expected if one creates an honest and realistic profile for others to respond to. There are also indications that more responses, as well as better responses, will occur when one has included a photograph as part of the online profile. Above all, it is important for the users of online dating services to be aware of the need for trial-and-error in the attainment of a satisfactory result. Some initial failures are to be expected, and thus people must be prepared to persist and keep trying if they want to attain the most positive results from the online dating experience.
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