ATTENDING SKILLS (Strength)
By attending, you are saying to the other person “I am interested in what you have to say” however a lack of good attending communicates that “I really don’t care about what you have to say.” Bolton (1987) describes attending as giving all of your physical attention to another person. In the video, my strengths in attending was characterised by:
- My display of good posture. I was sitting erect and facing my client while keeping safe proximal distance. My legs and arms were uncrossed and my hands were placed loosely on my lap. Although I have to admit, that when I started the interview my hands were tightly clenched due to nerves, and as we continued to talk, I began to relax and settle in the conversation a bit more. Maintaining open posture is important for fostering interpersonal relatedness (Bolton, 1987). A closed posture (i.e. crossed arms, slouching) often communicate coldness and defensiveness.
- You will also notice that I maintained good eye contact, which was clearly obvious, and that I was visually attuned to what Ksenia was saying. Throughout our conversation I was being responsive by smiling and nodding my head, in agreement or understanding, showing her that I was listening attentively. Occasionally, I found myself focusing on the clients face and shifting the focus to the other parts of the body, like her shoulders for example. For me the key was to make Ksenia aware that she had my full attention. On the other hand, if I had just “stared her down”, this would make me seem anxious and critical, and my client would feel very uncomfortable. Hosking (1978) explains that attending behaviours increases the client’s self respect, crates a secure atmosphere, therefore making it easy for openness of what the client is thinking.
- My body language in terms of using hand gestures is clearly evident on the video tape. The gestures are not overdone, but used sporadically.
On the Gazda (1977) Scale, I have rated my attending skills under the “Non-Possesive Warmth” component. The reason I have done this is because I believe that I have communicated genuine caring and warmth in conjunction with the qualities of my attending skills. I rate myself at Level 3, because even though I performed attending skills well, I felt that I was speaking too fast, and at times too soft, which could have been unhelpful to my client, whose second language is English. Level 3 states, that I am “clearly interested and attending.” It is recommended, that I will need to be totally attentive, and use appropriate physical closeness and body language to advance to Level 4.
SELF DISCLOSURE (Strength)
Jourard (1964) describes self disclosure as a process by which one person reveals information about himself or herself to another person. It is also believed to be a warning sign of personality health and a means of achieving a healthy personality. I felt I had disclosed some personal information about myself in order to identify with my client. For example, in the extract video clip I had shown, Ksenia mentioned that her mother was away in New Zealand for a seven months, and she was really missing her, and I responded with empathy saying that “I can appreciate how you feel, because I have gone through the same thing myself.” And then I went on to disclose personal information about my parents. The second disclosure is mentioned towards the end of the interview where I also revealed my feelings on how this semester has been for me.
I rated myself very highly on this particular skill. If there was another Gazda level in between 3 and 4, then I would probably cement myself at Level 3.5. Level 3 states that “I volunteered little personal information, but will answer briefly if questioned specifically”. I feel I have disclosed more than a little on my personal information. In fact Level 4 would probably secure this for me because it talks about sharing ideas and experiences and self in an appropriate way, which I feel I’ve achieved.
From this video assessment, I identified other strengths that I used very well. Open question techniques were evident, which created information, also perception checking in terms of clarifying, paraphrasing and summarising were strongly used throughout this assessment.
The following communication skills are weaknesses in need of improvement.
Accurate Empathy
According to Berk (2001), empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotional state and feel with that person, or respond emotionally in a similar way, in other words seeing things from the other person’s point of view (Cash, 1979). In the video extract we saw the same scenario where my client was missing her mother. Although my response was good when I said “I can appreciate where you are coming from”, I felt the disclosure of my information about my dead parents was inappropriate to use as an example to identify with, especially when her parents are alive. I actually felt I was insensitive to my client’s feelings. Out of 10, I rate myself at 5. To further improve myself, I will need to reflect accurately and listen carefully at some depth.
Closed Questions
Closed questions play an important role in eliciting specific information. It is limited to yes, no or one or two word answers (Long, 1992). Throughout the entire 15 minute video, I only asked two closed questions, which were, “Do you play a lot of sport? and “Do you like being an only child”. Whilst open questions created lengthy conversations, I felt I needed to ask more closed questions about my client to determine quick specific answers, then move on to the next topic. I rate myself at 6 out of 10. What I probably need to do next time is start the conversation by asking 3 or 4 closed questions then move into Open questions.
Conclusion:
One of the most important lessons I have learnt is that many people in their uniqueness, communicate differently. From this video exercise, I have learnt that both my strengths and my weaknesses have an impact on the quality of communication that goes on between two people. I have found this exercise worthwhile and I know that I have benefited from it.
REFERENCES
Berk, L.E. (2001). Development through the lifespan (2nd Ed). Boston: Allyn and
Bacon.
Bolton, R. (1987). People skills: how to assert yourself, listen to others, and
resolve conflicts. NSW: Simon and Schuster.
Gazda, G.M. (1977). Human relations development (2nd d). Boston: Allyn and
Bacon Inc.
Heron, J. (1990). Helping the client. London: Sage.
Hosking, B. (1978). Microcounselling skills workbook. Hamilton: University of
Waikato Centre for Continuing Education.
Jourard, S. (1964). The transparent self. New Jersey: Van Nostrand Reinhold.
Long, L. (1992). Understanding/Responding (2nd Ed). Boston; Jones and Bartlett.