“Swing high on the swing, Mother can worry about what if you fall”, at the beginning of the sentence, a sarcastic impression is apparent, as the narrator is making a direct demand, to swing high. This could be linked back to the bitterness we suspect is felt between the narrator and their mother. This is emphasised with the use of capital letter in “Mother”, it is as if that is her name, “Mother” is how she should be referred to. This sentence perhaps shows the resentment Nikki feels towards her mother. Growing up Nikki had no one to care for her, to carry her burdens, and this reflects on her attitude towards parents and children.
The start of the next sentence goes against the general stereotypes of mothers being omniscient. “Mother knows”. Nikki’s mother clearly did not know anything, as she left her to fall. Nikki’s mother did not know if she was fragile, vulnerable, or tiny. As the narrator she argues about a child’s worth, “how practically nothing you are”. She feels that although children are “nothing” their mothers are still there to protect them, hers was not.
First person is used to give an insight into the mentality of Nikki. “That’s what I think” this self-reflexive statement clarifies how she feels about parents, as mentioned in the previous paragraph. She generally has a sarcastic view of mothers due to the negative connotations held by her own mother, and so she feels a strong hatred towards all caring mothers.
“That’s where successes come from. Mother-fear”. Nikki is trying to shift the blame for her own failure onto her absent mother. She feels that mothers fearing for a child’s well being, catching them as they fall, is the key to success. This appears to be Nikki’s reasoning for wanting her mother dead. “That’s why I thought I’d kill her. Catch her and kill her”. These are two very blunt statements, which give an insight into the mindset of Nikki. There appears to be a chemical imbalance in her mentality, she feels the death of her mother will allow her to be “free” and be able to “fly”. She emphasises this unbalanced nature later on in the extract to imply she needs superstitions to keep her balance, or else she “may fall and lose it”. It is as if she needs to kill her mother, in order to save her self.
Nikki then digresses from her original topic to discuss life being like skating, superstitions and birds. This interior monologue seems to be very self reflexive, once again implies that Nikki’s mentality is somewhat scattered, like her conversation, changing her subject matter from that of murder to superstition.
“I have spent long periods of time going along with hardly any problems”. Stating her life was going okay up until university. This implies Nikki has an education, posing the reader to question what has gone so wrong to make her want to commit murder. “But I always know the fall is imminent”, she knows her life will inevitably go wrong. The use of “always” creates the idea it is a regular occurrence, she always falls when she wants to fly.
The use of first person narrative generates the question is Nikki really trustworthy? We are reading her perspective, and she tries to emphasise her truthfulness by making direct declaratives such as “You might as well believe me”, she is encouraging the reader to trust her. “Why would I lie?” This rhetorical question involves the reader, and perhaps can be interpreted as Nikki questioning herself, trying to prevent doubt in the readers mind as well as her own.
“I suppose I’ve always thought the truth was quite important”, this gives off the impression that she isn’t totally convinced that truth is necessary, she feels it is only “quite” important as opposed to being “very”. This is then emphasised by her attitude towards truth in the final sentences. “The lie is a temporary measure. Until the facts come around a bit”, it is okay to lie temporarily until you can come up with more acceptable facts.
