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Human society, as we know it, is becoming lazy and antisocial

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Jaime Isn't Doing This to Impress Anybody, And Doesn't Care if You Give It A Bad Mark. 1^st draft By Jaime Griffin Human society, as we know it, is becoming lazy and antisocial. It's pretty much useless to deny it. Compare us to fifty years ago, and you will find we've let ourselves go. Compare us to a hundred years ago, and you'll realize we've morphed into beanbags with brains. In the 1890's they got by fine without even using cars. Or credit cards, for that matter. Of course, they couldn't show skin at the beach, but that's another matter. Take the Segway scooter for instance. For those of you not in the know, it's a slow, ugly, two-wheeled, battery-powered (ooh... ahh...), upside-down coffee table, with some junk in it that makes it impossible to fall off of (in case all that standing gets the best of you). It was designed for city use (like that god awful 1/8 mile from your work to the doughnut shop), and has no other practical use except possibly as a coat hanger/umbrella rack. ...read more.


Although they look like toddler toys, they actually hold a lot of fat-gaining power for the modern lazy yuppie. Imagine, if you will, life before the Key. Imagine the horror of actually having to labour out of your heated SUV and talking to a low-life gas pump. Imagine social interaction. Imagine returning to find your (instant) coffee slightly less warm. Before the Key, all of these things were, in all their horror, a reality. Now, you can just beep the key in front of the reader, pump your gas, and get a friendly greeting from the meter such as "have a nice day". Nothing puts you in a good mood like being complimented by an LCD screen. The gas is charged to the credit card or other easy pay billings system. Again, these mechanisms have alarming popularity. Shell introduced them to their gas stations about a year and a half ago, and now you would be hard-pressed to find a gas station that doesn't have some form of instant-payment tool. ...read more.


Sure, you'll be porky in other places, but your abdominal muscles will be `rock-hard'. And ab muscles are enough for the modern ultra-lazy consumer. Who cares that this device has uncertain long-term effects? Who cares if "it doesn't work half as well as ordinary sit-ups"[2][2]? Who cares? It's easy, it's expensive, and that's good enough for the average American consumer. The scary thing is, unlike most infomercial products, the demographic this product is reaching extends far beyond the crackhouses and backwoods. American teens from all walks of life are throwing out their gym memberships for a shot at insta-abs. The decline of civilization at its lowest. Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe these innovations are for the better. Who knows what can be accomplished with the increased amounts of free time? Maybe the time saved by these devices could be put towards creating world peace. Or forming a perfect system of government. Or inventing life saving devices. Yeah... right. _______________________ [3][1] Store.yahoo.com/wonderfullbuys/abtronic.html . The wonderfullbuys site is actually a haven of lazy-person tools. If this kind of stuff floats your boat, I recommend it. [4][2] [5]www.streetcents.cbc.ca. Great consumer review site. [image001.jpg] The Segway: Motorized Stupidity [image002. ...read more.

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