An Inspector Calls Diary entries
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Introduction
Diary entry 1 "Gather your possessions and leave Eva". These were the 6 final words Mr Birling said to me. Today I was sacked because I wanted a raise at work. Twenty-two and six is hardly enough to support myself. I have six pence in my purse and the rent is due in two days. I feel so rejected. I sometimes wonder why I bother to stand up for what I believe is right when stuck-up chauvinists like Mr Birling punish me for doing so. How can he only sack four others and me when there were far more protesting? How am I going to eat? These are questions I can't even begin to answer. I feel like my world has collapsed and I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid, but I can see this starting off a string of events that are eventually going to kill me. People think I'm strong willed and determined, and yes, I guess I am sometimes, but right now, I want to curl up and die. This was my first real job and I've lost it for asking for more money. Was this really what I left home for? Conditions would still be the same but at least I had my family beside me to lean on. But now, all I have to lean on is myself, and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to cope. ...read more.
Middle
And the fact that he left me is a clear indication that it was me he lost interest in, not the excuse he gave me about doing the right thing. Sure, he said it was because he had a girlfriend back home and he wanted to be faithful to her but do I really believe him? Well, yes, about the girlfriend, but no, about being faithful. I was with him for the spring and the summer so why would he just decide to end it now after all we have been through? It is me who he lost interest in, just for the plain and simple fact that I am not interesting. But then why would anyone want me in the first place. I mean, I haven't any money, I get fired from almost every job I get and I haven't a decent place to live. Oh how I long to be someone, to make something of myself. But how can I when I have to struggle against my faults? And that then brings up another question; how can I be someone when I have so many faults? I really liked Gerald, and even though it developed into a physical relationship he had only wanted to help me in the beginning. I guess he soon realised that I was past help, or I wasn't worth helping. Maybe I should just start again. ...read more.
Conclusion
I guess that was my biggest mistake, although I don't see the problem, Eric did offer to marry me anyway. So I was forced to confess my situation, but of course I didn't reveal Eric was the father. I confessed to having money offered to me but I refused it because it was stolen. And it was this, and other factors that I was refused help. My last chance of getting help is now gone and I am now left to find work to provide for my baby and myself. How am I supposed to keep working when I start getting big? Oh dear, how I am going to live? I cannot even support myself let alone another. I am no way prepared to accept stolen money from Eric. The stupid, excited fool! Why has everything been such a struggle for me? Why do I keep getting knocked down after I slowly try to get back on my feet? Oh how I long to die. But can I really kill myself? And not only myself, but my child, another life? This really does not require a response, but is more of a direct answer to my problems. Death. A five-letter word that is so final but is so close to me I can almost feel it. I certainly feel dead inside. Is it really right for me to bring a baby into the world when all I can promise it is a life of hunger and poverty? I know what I have to do. ?? ?? ?? ?? My Diary Grace Forster English Coursework ...read more.
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