Shadow of the teacher coming to my desk harshly interrupted my thoughts. I imagined looking at myself from the far side of the room, smiling discretely at seeing yet another student whose expression has dramatically changed. As the teacher grabbed a copy of the exam paper I felt the familiar, uneasy feeling in my stomach – the expression of fear. As his hand was slowly putting the paper on my desk, I tried to get at least a glimpse of the first few questions. I thanked him out loud – enjoying breaking the grief silence in the hall. I skipped the first page where I was supposed to write my name – I never wasted my precious time on signing the paper, as it was obvious that they will let you sign your paper after the time has past, but will never let finish that one, last, question.
I grabbed my pen and looked at the first task – I was not sure about how to answer it, so I just skipped it, as I always did the questions which I was sure about first, so I did not waste time on thinking several minutes on one question. But as I flicked through the pages I found myself getting more and more desperate. I could not find even one question which I was sure about the answer. Every page that I flicked felt like a humiliating slap on my face. I began to panick, looking for the exit and realising that the only way I can leave this room is by giving up on the paper and returing it to the teacher. Giving up on all of my dreams. Even if I managed to repeat it, there will be thousands of other applicants who scored maximum points in the first draft. I have hidden my face In the hands, trying to wake up from this horrendous dream – but it did not work. I looked around the room at other students, each of them nearly touching their paper with the nose. But there was someone who seemed that he has either finished the paper already or did not attempt to read it at all – I looked up and noticed Gawin, probably the only person in the room who looked as if it was just another day. He had his legs on the desk and hands behind his head – when he noticed me he smiled with his idiotic, empty smile. His sight did not cheer me up at all. Opposite! It was even more humiliating! How coud I possibly be in the same position as he is?! Why everything is falling apart now?! It was so absurdly illogical. I imagined reaction of my parents, telling me that I did not study hard enough. The fact that I knew that it was true was probably the worst thing in my situation. I asked myself constantly, why it is happening?
I sowre quietly, placed my hands flat on the desk and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. That was it. My hands were shaking, and I could not possibly even attempt to do the exam. It would not make any sense anyway – there is nothing more humiliating than hopelsess attempts to do well. I did not want to leave the hall before the time was up – it would be like admitting my total failure. I placed my hand on the paper and moved it across to the edge of the desk. I straightened myself up. Then I looked at this big, white clock directly in front of me. With every little movement of its hand my dreams shattered into smaller and smaller pieces.
