Love, though influenced by many of the same factors as liking, is quite a different phenomenon. It is not simply an intensification of liking. The work of Zick Rubin 1970
PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE
Love, though influenced by many of the same factors as liking, is quite a different phenomenon. It is not simply an intensification of liking.
THE WORK OF ZICK RUBIN (1970)
Liking and loving are not identical. In 1970, psychologist Zick Rubin found some differences. Rubin concluded that liking consists more of respect - favorably evaluating the person - and perceived similarity - viewing others as being like you. In contrast, loving involves more:
* attachment - feeling miserable without the physical presence or emotional support of that person
* caring - a feeling of concern and responsibility for the other person
* intimacy - involving the reciprocal exchange of personal information, feelings and actions
Of course, you can both love and like the same person, whether or not it is a romantic relationship. In his study of 158 dating couples, Rubin found that both men and women loved each other equally. However, the women liked the men slightly more than the men liked the women. This differences seems to be caused by women evaluating men higher in terms of intelligence and leadership potential - the respect factor.
Romantic or Passionate Love emphasizes the absorption factor in love, when the flames of passion burn hotly and emotions are high. As the flames of passion drop down to a warm glow over the years, the factors of liking become more important. This is more typical of Companionate Love. However, with some couples, when the passion dies down, there is not much liking and they often break up.
Regardless of the type of love, it seems easier to start a relationship than to keep one going. Not only does similarity begin attraction; it also affects the long-term ...
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Romantic or Passionate Love emphasizes the absorption factor in love, when the flames of passion burn hotly and emotions are high. As the flames of passion drop down to a warm glow over the years, the factors of liking become more important. This is more typical of Companionate Love. However, with some couples, when the passion dies down, there is not much liking and they often break up.
Regardless of the type of love, it seems easier to start a relationship than to keep one going. Not only does similarity begin attraction; it also affects the long-term survival and satisfaction of any relationship. This is not only similarity in the preferences of sports, music or books. It also involves central issues such as gender roles and the style of communication in the relationship. Agreement about roles seems to be particularly important. Who is earning the money? Who will stay at home to care for the children? Who is responsible for household chores? Who makes the decisions? Regardless of the specific decisions, marital satisfaction is greater when the couples agree on these role decisions.
Berscheid and Walster (1974) divide love into two main types:
* Passionate love - Passionate love is exciting and involves intense emotions. Passionate lovers express their feelings physically and are intensely fascinated with each other (Myers 1999). Passionate love, however, cannot last forever. In fact, it appears to follow the same pattern as drug addiction (Myers 1999). At first a person feels a euphoria, a "high." At some point, however, he or she develops a tolerance and ceases to be as intensely stimulated as before. When this happens, the relationship cools down into companionate love.
* Companionate love - Companionate love is steadier than passionate love and is the hallmark of successful long term relationships. Companionate lovers are deeply attached, feel affection for their partners, trust them, and are accepting of them and their faults.
Lee's (1973) Colour Wheel Model of 'Love styles'
In The colors of love (1973), Lee pointed out: just as there are three primary colors: red, yellow, and blue, there are three primary love styles:
* Eros (love of an ideal person),
* Ludus (love as a game),
* Storge (love as friendship).
Combinations of these primary styles create the secondary styles. Some of the secondary lovestyles are "compounds" of pairs of primary styles, that is, each of these secondary styles has different properties from either of its constituent elements. For example:
* Mania (obsessive love) is a compound of Eros and Ludus,
* Pragma (realistic and practical love) a compound of Ludus and Storge, and
* Agape (dutiful and selfless love) a compound of Eros and Storge.
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
Sternberg's (1986) triangular theory of love suggests that there are three major components of love: intimacy, passion and commitment.
* Intimacy includes self-disclosure through sharing emotions and stories with one's partner.
* Passion involves erotic interest and sexual consummation.
* Commitment involves making a decision to stay with your partner and to defer this type of relationship with other potential partners.
When all the elements are balanced, the most complete form of love - "consummate love" exists. According to Sternberg, that hardly ever happens. Usually people emphasize one or two elements, resulting in these types of love: "infatuated love" (high passion, low intimacy and commitment), "empty love" (high commitment, low intimacy and passion), "romantic love" (high intimacy and passion, low commitment), "companionate love" (high intimacy and commitment, low passion), "fatuous love" (high passion and commitment, low intimacy), "liking" (high intimacy present, low passion and commitment), and "nonlove" (all three components absent).
Sternberg believes that in a particular relationship the components of love take different courses. For example, in a long-term relationship, level of passion goes down after it reaches a peak, but the level of intimacy keeps rising. And the two partners may not emphasize the same elements at the same time. For example, while one may seek mainly for passion, the other may seek for intimacy. For the relationship to be successful, the partners have to resolve their differences.
EVALUATION OF LOVE RESEARCH
* The theories remain largely descriptive and do not explain love
* There is no agreed way of deciding which offers the best description
