I didn’t really want to upset him but I did, I just wanted him to feel how lonely my life is. I have no one to confide in and I only have my judgment to rely on. I explained to him that I jus kept all my feelings and my worries inside and that I start to feel sick because I have no one to express my emotions to. Lennie is so dumb to understand it felt like I was talking to myself for at least 10 minutes.
I told him about my child hood with the company of my brother when we used to live on a farm and that my father didn’t like us paying with white children and that we had each other so we should play together. I didn’t think about what friends I had when I was younger but now I realize why my father told us not to play with them.
I was telling him this because I wanted him to know what life was like for a black man but obviously it was like I was talking to myself again.
After I had told him all of this I felt like I had made a friend and that all the stress I had kept in had gone out of my system. I didn’t feel so lonely after all but I had a gut feeling that by the time Lennie had gone I would be back to my old ways again. Lonely, depressed and in need of a friend. At that particular moment I felt really good about myself.
About 10 minutes later Candy came in looking for Lennie. He looked really uncomfortable about coming into my room. I know that me and candy have been on the ranch for a long time but he has never come into my room. When he came in him and Lennie were talking about getting their own piece of land which Lennie had been talking about before. While candy was talking I was starring a him thinking about how isolated I am compared to everyone else who have lived in one room but with the company of each other.
I joined in with their conversation about getting their own land, they were very convinced that they would get it but I thought different, I told them about all the other ranchers that have wanted the same thing but have never as far as a step to getting their own land. Even when they heard the stories of other ranchers they were still adamant that they would get it. I still disagreed with them, but when Candy told me how close and hard they have worked to get this land I gave up and asked if I could join them. I didn’t really have much future on the ranch so the thought of being free was very tempting.
We were all very excited and then Curley’s wife came in as usual looking for her husband Curley. We all looked at her scornfully and didn’t take any notice of her when she spoke. She asked again if we had seen Curley and Candy told her to get out because she wasn’t wanted and that her husband wasn’t here. I kept myself quiet because she didn’t listen to Candy and she surely wasn’t going to listen to me. For a while it felt like we had united together to stop her from coming in, but she was still at the door peering in. Then I attempted to get her to go away but she came back with a vengeance saying that I should keep my mouth shut and that she could get me strung on a tree so easily. It was like she tore through my defence. Candy tried to defend me but there was no stopping her. We had to face it that we were powerless to stop her. Candy then told her that all the men were back from town and then she went in a flash.
I felt so small that I crawled back into my corner again because I knew that what Curley’s wife was saying was true. There was no point in fighting back, that’s one thing I dislike about Curley’s wife is that she is always putting people down.
By the time she had left George came back. I was staring scornfully at Candy and Lennie even though Candy had tried to defend me I had lost every bit of friendliness towards them. George looked at me like he could tell something had gone on. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence they were leaving, while they were going a told them I didn’t want to join them on their farm and George looked confused then they left. I went back to rubbing ointment on my back.
I changed my mind about the farm because it just seemed odd for three white men to share a house with one black man. They could turn on me jus like Curley’s wife did and I didn’t want to take any chances, suppose they chucked my out where would I go I couldn’t get a job anywhere else because there is so much unemployment in California. There isn’t a lot of banks and I would be left without money for food, clothes and rent like the millions of other people in California. I had heard of farmers losing their land and the banks dispossessed their families and were left homeless. If a get left on the street I would be picked up and taken away and beaten or taken to a refugee camp. I would hate to be taken to a refugee camp because I don’t want to end up lining up in a big queue waiting for food.
I like the ranch because I have my own room, I have lots of possessions and my room is neat and tidy, although it is next to the manure heap. I don’t like the ranch because I get left out and can’t join in with all the other games the ranchers play. I don’t have any regrets in life because before I got kicked in the back by the horse I tried to live my like to the fullest and the best way I could.
Now they have all gone, I have time to reflect on what has happened tonight and my life. I have time to think about what I’m going to do tomorrow. I can read a few books if I please without being disturbed.
If I had the power, I would make everyone have equal rights, all the white and black people not to fight and make them get along together. I would want everyone to have their own piece of land and that they could work under their own rules. Everyone to be happy and live life to the fullest, I would like there to be a rule that any black man could go into a whore house and have a drink any time he wants and not worry about getting criticized because of the colour of their skin and last of all I will make violence an offence and that anyone that engages in violence will be sent to prison.
Laurisse Dottin 10w
