I have killed people like you snap flies with your left hand and I have earned in one contract what you earn in your entire lifetime. But after a while of killing it was no longer about money. I was disgusted at myself for the emotional relish I got from it. Curse me for being rich beyond my wildest dreams but never having dreamt about power or money until I got it. I don’t know- maybe I just felt liked doing it or maybe it gave me a sense of power equal to that of GOD. My conscience was killing me. But my mind led the heart and I just pulled back the trigger, one after the other. At that point I gave killing a lot more thought. I had never failed the Mossad. Not even once. But what if I called it quits? What if I left the MOSSAD and carried on with my life without the entire killing and the bloodshed? I could no longer push away these burning questions. I had to allow my mind to explore them. Several times I thought of leaving and was very restless, fidgeting at every thought, every moment, whether I should finish it or not, do it or not. I was close to committing suicide myself. There was something at the back of my mind that I just couldn’t figure out; that was as difficult to understand as to why I was killing.
Like the MOSSAD knew everything in each corner of the world, they probably happened to know my confusion as well and a hurled to me a new contract. A contract to kill a lady with a fat sum. My mind led the heart again; but as I was about to pull the trigger, from the corner of my eye I saw a vision: like a breeze it came, it was a movement. It was her young daughter who came running towards her and she swung her high in the air, but it was too late. Too late, since I had pulled the trigger. The bullet caught her daughter… right below the back of the head and the mother’s whole world came crumbling down… I saw all that happen as if in slow motion – the bullet leaving the gun, penetrating the little girl, and the mother’s screeching cry. It was not until I saw the mother’s grief and pain that a flash of lightening struck me. I questioned– what was it that troubled me about killing? It was the thought of all the relationships and bonds that would be broken, all the heartaches that would be caused which was troubling me at the back of my mind. I realized what I had torn- a relationship of a mother and a daughter the hope, the dreams… It hit me like a bullet. I never got the love or had anyone to hope anything for me, I was never in anyone’s dreams, I never knew… I never knew of such a relationship. I never realized this before because I was a loner. I was a loner and it is not easy being one.
I cursed myself, put my gun on the ground and left the part of my life linked with the gun. To end with- my heart led the mind. The last thing I remember was walking away into the cold night with a sinking feeling in my heart, blobs of water rolling down my cheeks and a throbbing headache. I made a promise to myself to never again lift another weapon, when I collapsed. And now, just to make sure I keep my promise or truthfully, because I failed, they have come- the MOSSAD. Life has come full circle.
Life has its own ways of getting back at you sumhow or the other wen u’re in a cloud life’ll punch u rite in the core to show how’s the boss.. nd u have no other choice but to give in.
Never Again
Being a loner is not easy. But that’s what my work is. I worked for the MOSSAD – yes THE MOSSAD, as a contract killer. I never wanted to be one. I know it is morally wrong and all that. I asked myself these burning questions thousands of times, and yet nothing has changed. I have to do it. More than I want to, it’s like I need to do it for money. It is my livelihood. Don’t get me wrong on this. You have your duty, your work, your life, and likewise I have mine. You might ask me how do I have the heart to kill another human but think rationally, don’t we all have to die someday? Like an old Chinese proverb says, “Never let off until tomorrow, what you can do today.” Is dying any different?
In fact, now I am in a hospital. Don’t ask me which one. I don’t even know how I am here in the first place, but I have a throbbing headache. I know I’ve got very little time now, because I know they will come – that’s the way it works…..
It all started when I was an orphaned, meek, teenage boy, roaming in the streets, when I got my first ‘contract’. A man in a black overcoat gripped my rough hands and dragged me into an alley; then placed a pistol on my right hand and a bundle of 100 dollar notes on the other and gave me instructions to kill someone. I was completely baffled. At first I rebuffed, but as I was threatened to be killed if I didn’t kill the man he wanted I was compelled to do it. And from then, my destiny was set.
The man didn’t lose touch with me. I was blackmailed into killing a series of others. I didn’t know it then but slowly, I was getting involved in the dreaded underworld, getting forcefully, yet unknowingly dragged into all this until I couldn’t extricate myself. I wanted to live. But having left with no choice or options on my hand, I got myself recruited and trained myself in the art of killing. The beginning were busy days and I seldom had time for anything else. My social life was non -existent. Whatever, little time I had, always went into pondering and judging myself whether I was doing the right thing or not trying to feel those pangs of guilt – but there were none.
I have killed more people in high positions than you can ever imagine and I earn in one contract, what you will earn in your lifetime! I was rich beyond my wildest dreams, but at that time it was not about money. I don’t know, maybe I just felt liked doing it or maybe it gave me a sense of power equal to GOD. That was the time I gave it a lot more thought. I had never failed the Mossad not even once. But what if I called it quits? What if I left the MOSSAD and carried on with my life without the entire killing and the bloodshed? A lot of times I thought of leaving and I was depressed man then. I was very restless, fidgeting at every thought every moment, whether I should finish it or not. I was close to committing suicide myself. There was something about all this that didn’t want me to kill. It was at the back of my mind but I just couldn’t figure it out.
Then one day, I got a contract to kill a lady. That was not a big deal, but as I was about to pull the trigger, from the corner of my eye I saw a movement – her young daughter came running towards her and she lifted her high in the air , but it was too late since I had pulled the trigger. The bullet caught her daughter right below the back of the head and the mother’s whole world came crumbling down. I saw all that happen as if in slow motion – the bullet leaving the gun, hitting the daughter, and the mother crying and then like a flash of lightening it struck me – what was it that troubled me about killing? It was the thought of all the relationships and bonds that would be broken, all the heartaches that would be caused which was troubling me at the back of my mind. I never realized it before because I cannot share anything with anyone. I was a loner and it is not easy being one.
I cursed myself, left my gun down on the ground and left that part of my life connected with the gun. The last thing I remember was walking away into the cold night with a sinking feeling in my heart, tears rolling down my cheeks and a very bad headache, as I made a promise to myself never to lift another weapon, when I collapsed. And now, maybe just to make sure I keep my promise or maybe because I failed, they have come.Life has come full circle.
