Her oldest daughter had a scratch on her knee. I had noticed it the past couple of days, but did not think too much of it. The problem was, neither had she nor her mother. The small scratch had now turned into a small lump and everyone was getting worried that it could be something serious. The next day I asked the youngest son what had happened. He replied by breaking down into tears. I then realised that our worst fears had come true. That was the last day I attended mosque. I later discovered that the oldest daughter had been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
A week had passed before I was allowed to the hospital. What I was expecting, was not what I witnessed. She was deteriorating. I had expected a recovery. After all, that was the intention of a hospital - so I had thought. That day was definitely the worst. We were in hospital for what seemed like hours. I remember her not being able to speak as the infection had spread from her knee to the rest of her body. It was only time before it spread to her brain.
One memory I will never forget was when I was colouring with crayons on the next bed and she wanted to tell me something. She signalled for the crayon; as she was not able to speak, she had to write everything. Accordingly, I held out the crayon for her to reach out and take, however I had utterly forgotten that she could not raise her arms. I felt so upset. At a time of such anguish and distress, I had shown utter inattentiveness and insensitivity. I now realise that it was naivety. I was only a child. Strangely that is the one clear memory I have of the entire period. She also liked listening to Radio Lollipop, the hospital’s resident radio station. It is peculiar that I remember the little things. Whenever I recall the memories, I feel special and unique. I sense I am close to her, through our own personal experiences, our shared moments.
That was the last time I remember seeing her. In the end, all that kept her alive was the life support machine. Her mother had to make the difficult decision of turning it off. I could not even begin to comprehend or envisage what that must have been like. Holding your child’s life in your hands. Having to come to terms with the certain choice of ending it.
I tried to sympathise with the boys, but I just could not understand or feel anything close to what they were going through. The thought of endeavouring to comprehend the magnitude and extent of this situation was terrifying in itself. A part of their lives had been seized from them without their control. How do you endure something so colossal?
I now, greater then ever before, respect life and truly realise how precious a gift it really is. I have come to know that every day is precious and you have to treasure every moment. Strive to spend it with people you love because they might not be here tomorrow. You never know what the future has in store. So therefore, do not put affairs off until tomorrow, attempt to fulfil your dreams and aspirations in life. I regret not getting to know her better and if I had just taken the time to find out more about her then maybe I would have a better understanding of what it must be like to lose someone close to you and as a result be more prepared for life’s vicissitudes.
I see how much sadness and loss the family has suffered and wish that no one would have to go through anything close to it.
My perception of the world and the way you have to live has also changed. My somewhat disillusioned worldview has dramatically altered. When you are young you feel and believe that the world is all-good and there is nothing that can hurt you. To learn of someone’s death and one so close, shatters all those childish illusions and ideas. It forces you to grow up. Grow up faster and earlier than you might be prepared. You have to face that the world is not a safe place and you have to be very careful. She died at such a young age. For a while I could not comprehend how someone could die so early in their life. She had not even experienced her life to its full. I have begun thinking about how I live and how I do not want to miss anything. I believe you should take full advantage of lives potential, enjoy every moment, and never pass up an opportunity to try something new, exciting or even dangerous.
