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Renewal - I still remember that night, lying motionless on my bed and staring blankly into the void

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´╗┐Personal Narrative English Studies RENEWAL I still remember that night, lying motionless on my bed and staring blankly into the void that should have been my ceiling, watching the colors carelessly swirl into a vortex around and around, in an endless cycle. I was unable to capture them; reds, pinks, greens and blues flitted past my eyes like wild horses, like a glimmer of hope, before they faded to black. I wondered where my mind was. I laughed a little, thinking now even I had abandoned myself. I could feel the pressure, creeping closer, growing stronger, crushing me under a colossal weight of anguish. A burden too great upon my shoulders. I could see every memory, each more vivd than the last, taunting me, mocking me, waiting for the last thread to break. Each questioned me, asking me why I was here, what was my purpose, and who would miss me when I was gone? ...read more.


I see every mistake and every regret sprawled out in front of me, and the more I try to push them away, the more they weave themselves into the cracks of my skin. I can feel myself slipping and I forget where I am. Each second feels like an eternity and each breath more painful than the last. I wanted this to end. There seems something so comforting to me about emptiness, the inability to feel or do anything. I long to surrender, to throw myself into the great abyss of darkness, never to shoulder the burden of life again, never to take another breath. I need never attend another day of school, or work to stay alive. I need never watch another sunrise or wish on a shooting star. I need never see the white and blue of the ocean waves or feel the sand between my toes. ...read more.


As I opened my eyes, the morning after, my room had been flooded in sunlight, despite the closed door and drawn curtains. I suppose deep down, I had never really wanted to give up, however it was a bittersweet victory. That night didn?t really change my outlook on life, or blind me to the cruelness of the world, but I certainly learned to appreciate my life for what it was. I?ve discovered that feeling sorry for oneself is a waste of what little time one may have. On that new morning when I walked outside I was greeted by a chorus of songbirds together with the rays of the summer sun. Everything smelled fresh and new and the clouds formed tiny islands in the sky as far as the eye could see. Butterflies traced patterns through the air and flowers bloomed in the cracks of the concrete driveway. I smiled for the first in a long time, as I thought to myself, that this place isn?t so bad after all. ...read more.

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