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'Revenge is Sweet'.

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English Coursework- Personal Writing 'Revenge is Sweet' It was a year I had been with Alice. We did everything together. I cared for that girl like no one could imagine. I would of done anything for her. There wasn't a time, I would not think about her when we weren't together. Everyone knew us for being the happiest couple in our town, Little Wood. I thought we would be together until we grew old...I was wrong. I finished work last Thursday earlier than usual; I thought it would be nice to surprise Alice with an exquisite meal. Just as I started to prepare the beginning of the meal I heard Alice coming up the stairs to our flat. I ran to the door as quick as I could. "Hi Alice, Sorry but is it possible if you just went out for an hour or so and then come back?" I asked "Ben, I've just had a long stressful day at work, and I would love to just crash on the sofa, why what you up to?" ...read more.


The time was now 9.15 pm. There was no sign of Alice. I felt worried at this point. Alice was a vulnerable young girl. She always lets herself into all kinds of trouble. Her mobile was switched off and I thought that she always left it on. I gave my friend Brian a ring because they always spent a lot of time together. He sounded in a hurry, as if he was hiding something from me. He hadn't seen Alice. I thought I would look out the window just to see if maybe she was just walking up the road. She wasn't. I didn't know where she was. I looked in the cupboard to see if she had left her mobile behind. This is where she always left her mobile when she didn't need it. Just as I was about to shut the cupboard door after not seeing her mobile, a small box had been brought to my attention. ...read more.


I shouted. "Look I am sorry Ben. If this thing you were making was so important then why didn't you just call me?" she said. "Ha! When could I of done that then Alice? When your phone would just suddenly turn its self on?" I said. "Oh, my phone must have ran out of battery." She said. "Oh whatever Alice. I don't care really. You do what you wont to do and see where it gets you." I said. I left it there. I didn't want to argue with Alice. She's my girlfriend and I just care for her and want to look out for her. Is that such a crime to love your girlfriend? It was for Alice. Everything I did seemed to be wrong. This baby wasn't mine. I could tell she was seeing someone else. Even about three or four months ago Alice kept getting these calls from a man. The way I dealed with that I would of thought that Alice would not of even laid eyes on another man. I guess I was wrong then, wasn't I? Shonagh Sykes 10 Leo Page 03/12/03 ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

3 star(s)

This creative writing needed to be planned in more detail. There is no clear ending to the piece and it just fizzles out. The first half is stronger but it all needs a greater focus on description and the inclusion of more figurative language rather than such a large focus on dialogue.

3 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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