He browsed around the books once more and Lilly turned swiftly to face the computer behind her. Swallowing the tea, she adjusted her glasses on her nose and sat on the stool. Breathing slowly and calmly she reasoned with herself, “I wonder if he recognises me? Of course He does, it’s Him; how could He forget.”
She could feel her bare thigh burning against the blazing radiator as he forced her closer and closer to the wall. His hand was pulling her hair painfully away from her scalp and his other hand lay close on her hip, forcing her not to struggle. “Who was it?” he questioned angrily, she could feel his spit piercing her ear and smell the larger on his breath as the searing burn from the radiator pulsated through her body. “No-one, just a friend.” she heaved in reply. He whipped her head around from one side to another and a clump of hair fell to the floor. She let out an ear splitting scream. As it reverberated into silence around the room his deep sniffs of air echoed once more. “Ok, I’ll ask you again, who was it?” His elevated voice hung in the air.
“Nobody! “ She cried, and the desperate tone in her voice was unmistakable. She new what was coming next, and pleaded and reasoned with herself, “What have I done wrong to deserve this”. He threw her towards the ground and she curled her back slightly on the floor. “Liar!” He bellowed at the top of his voice and a plate flew towards the ground, narrowly missing her head as she turned away. As the plate smashed on the tiles he let out a frustrated roar and swung his leg back as if to kick a rugby ball; everything went black.
Lilly busied herself tidying the desk and began to empty the till. She blinked. The visions of her naked body lying on the soaked bathroom floor motionless re-appeared, the dried cracked blood on the foot that she was so desperately trying to move and could not. She rolled from her side to her back and the broken glass from the shower door pierced into her bruised skin. She whimpered. Reaching as high as her crushed, yellow tinged arm would allow she reached the light switch, and heaved herself upwards to seating with the cord. The tears tumbled passed her mouth and the salt stung the split in her lip. She could remember the trembling that spread through her limbs as the resounding footsteps beat their way towards the bathroom door. The key scraped a turn in the lock and the footsteps paced their way into calm. After a few moments her yellow arm stretched to its full capacity once more and twisted the door knob to release her from her chamber, the room she feared.
As the couple browsed through the shop, Lilly watched the way they moved together, or the way he moved her. The embrace that looked comfortable at first now looked taught and rigid, she looked at the books and at the floor but not at Lilly, and most definitely not at him. Her eyes would flit as she was jerked around the room, as if it was impossible to anticipate his next move.
All Lilly could see, no matter how hard she stared at the desk lamp, was the mottled blue carpet becoming more and more blurry through tears as she envisioned dragging herself along the narrow strip of carpet towards the bedroom. The sound of the front door slamming echoed once again in her head as it had done on so many of those restless nights, echoing, reverberating in her head until she was unable to hear herself screaming.
As she leant her hips on the counter, facing towards the glass book case behind her she caught glimpses of his movement; the way he swaggered, how he would always be biting the side of his cheek and would have his left thumb slung in his jean pocket. The earring in his left ear was glinting gently as a reflection in the glass bookcase and she remembered the night she met him. Standing behind the bar serving drinks at a newly opened club in town, it was six years ago now, only three years since she’d ran. He’d promised to never hurt her again for the fifth time in two weeks. She could not believe him this time, as he left for work that Tuesday morning, she left. Ignoring the sharp pains evolving from all over her body, the marks of his “love”, she gathered a small bag of belongings and left. As she reached the door the telephone rang. The door shut and as she walked down the street, the ringing faded away.
She turned around to face the shop, and the two bodies browsing through the book shelves. He had let go of the hollowed girl now, but only physically. Mentally he would always own her, unless she ran, ran like Lilly. As he browsed closer and closer to the counter, Lilly resumed her position reading her book. Her eyes were darting across the page but none of the words were going in, she could feel the blood being pumped through her veins and she could not swallow.
He strolled to the counter and placed the book in front of her eyes. Fluidly Lilly scanned the book and clicked a few keys, “That’s £5.99 then please.“ She said routinely, keeping her eyes on the screen. He fumbled in his pocket and then resorted to his wallet and pulled out a crisp ten pound note. As she handed him the change her finger tips brushed his palms. He placed the change in his pocket and headed towards the door, enveloping the lady in his left arm. As he opened the door he turned, “Thanks Lilly.” He said and his eyes glinted. As they left the shop Lilly saw under the ladies scarf was a purple bruise on her neck.
As they left, she did not hear the tumbling of the cardboard signs in the wind, or even the door click shut, all she could hear was the slamming of the front door, the shouting and the piercing screams. After a few moments had passed Lilly hurried to the door, locked it shut and turned off the lights. Leaning back against the door she allowed herself to slip to the floor. Everything went silent as the words she had just heard echoed in her head and her whole body trembled. The realisation had been confirmed, she could run, but hiding from her memories would be something she would never be able to do.
